Change is in the air.

I can feel it.

I should have expected it really. I should have known. You see, back at the end of November I turned forty and for the few weeks surrounding my milestone birthday, I sure did wrestle with some inner stuff. As many of us so often do, when a new decade beckons.

My wrestling was good, fair and healthy. And definitely needed. But here’s the thing I didn’t really expect. Whilst I managed to clear away much personal debris and thoughts that I probably should have put out with the rubbish years ago, my clean slate now means only one thing. Questions. More of them!

Such as:

Where on earth do I go from here?

And more importantly, who on earth am I now and who do I want to be?

I truly wasn’t expecting my weeks of soul searching to leave me with further questions. But I’m here for it all the same. I’m embracing this period of uncertainty and seeing it as an opportunity to do two things. 1) Get back to my roots and 2) Try stuff out and make some changes.

Take for instance, this blog. I started this online space of mine eight years ago with nothing but a desire to share my thoughts about womanhood.

I began blogging with vigour, passion and determination. (Bear in mind, that this was back in the days when most blogs didn’t make any money and were seen very much as a creative online outlet through which to share, inspire and provoke thought.) And I loved it! Those early days when I had just a handful of people reading my thoughts were not lonely or demoralising as you might believe, but freeing.

Over the years my blog became something else. A source of income. An outlet which brought unusual and sometimes special opportunities to my door. And ultimately, a business.

Within a few years, my online space grew to such an extent that I was able to walk away from a full time freelancing career and concentrate on blogging instead. And I have never regretted it. Not for a second. But with the beauty of hindsight, I can now see that when my personal blog became my business, I lost my way. And if I’m honest, I think I’ve struggled to find the right path since.

To some extent this was inevitable (I’m a realist and need to pay my bills so I had to go where the money and opportunities were) but I let the blogging world consume me, becoming bogged down with ‘shoulds’ and endless comparison.

After being so focused at the beginning, I’d find myself questioning everything in the small, dark hours and wondering why it suddenly seemed such hard work. Continually questioning why I struggled to put myself online all the time when other bloggers and creatives clearly didn’t and reached higher levels of success because of sit.

After originally being so determined to share my voice with the world, I began to feel tight of breath. Suffocated even.

The only respite to this being the publication of my first book ‘A Little Pick Me Up’ last year. Apart from being the biggest professional challenge of my life to date, it has also brought me nothing but immense joy. To use the biggest of cliches, a real dream come true.

So with all this in mind and more besides, I’ve been mulling things over for what feels like ages. Wondering if was finally time to hang up my blogging hat, to retire from the online world completely (save for an odd dabble on social media) and have a complete change of career.

Over Christmas, I felt certain that my future no longer lied with the written word anymore. But just as soon as I thought I’d answered the question, I became uncertain again. A future wordless Kate just seems unthinkable. And weirdly, low and behold, my urge to write and share has returned.

To be frank, I have absolutely no idea what the future holds for me professionally anymore. But I am able to recognise that changes are necessary. I have a few ideas that for now I’m holding close to my chest but for the time being I’ve decided to go with the flow and hope that it will enable me to find my groove again. I’m in limbo land but, as I’ve learned, more often that not, this is where we usually find ourselves before the fun and growth begins, so I’m more than happy with that for now.

Blog wise, we will see, but one thing I can say for certain is that the content on here will be shifting.

I’ve been working on leaving the parenting blogging world for a while now (as writing about my children no longer appeals to me) and so bar one post that I’m contracted to do soon, I’ll no longer be writing about parenting per say. Unless it’s a post about motherhood that I feel is universal and needs to be shared, I’ll be heading in a different direction. More style, more inspiration, more beauty and hopefully – if the words continue to flow – more of this. Honesty. Observation. And personal stuff.

I’m still as compelled as I was all those years ago to help women feel better about themselves. So I hope moving forward that I’ll still be able to throw my hat into the ring when it comes to this and continue to try, in my own way, to make you feel happier, inspired or just not alone.

Pouting In Heels is about to become a different kind of space. It may survive or indeed it may not, but as I continue to make more of a concerted effort to grow into the woman I’ve always been destined to be, this blog for at least the time being, will continue to play it’s part in that.

Life begins at forty they say. Who knows, perhaps it will be the same for my career too.