It’s that time of year when we’re all bombarded with ‘new you’ messages.

From weight loss marketing to gym membership offers, from veganuary to dry January, whatever floats your ‘new year, new you’ boat, let’s be honest, you won’t be stuck for options.

Want to improve yourself? Brilliant. Want to make some positive changes in your life? Fan-bloody-tastic.

But can I suggest that we ditch the ‘new you, new me’ talk and instead focus on the you that currently exists. The very you that is reading this now?

I’ve always been a woman, and a girl in fact, who’s been into self-improvement. I’m fascinated by personal growth and a big advocate for wanting and trying to look at and do things differently. My shelves are heaving with books in all areas – from business to make up to spirituality – that intend and have helped me to do both of these things and give me a Ted talk over an episode of Love Island any day and I’ll be happy.

Anything that inspires or makes me question my choices and habits is all good in my world and if I do find something that has given me a lightbulb moment, then you can bet your bottom dollar, I’ll share it with you too.

So I really do understand the desire to be much improved and even to become a totally different version of yourself. Hand on heart, I hear you.

But what I’ve learned over my 40 years on this planet, is that whilst lasting change is absolutely possible, you’ve got much more chance of becoming a better version of yourself, in whatever area you fancy, if you can already love and accept whom you currently are. Or at the very least, like yourself.

Wanting to change because you hate who you are or how you look, can work in the short term, granted. And it may indeed spur you on to achieving some degree of success with your reinvention. But once you’ve lost those pounds that you believed made you ‘ugly’ and the initial delight has worn off, you will more than likely find that even though you look different, how you feel about yourself has remained the same.

And once you’ve secured a new job working alongside different people, you may well indeed find that those feelings of inadequacy and failure that you put down to your old place of work, are still as present as ever. You’ve just moved them with you to a new environment and that little negative voice in your head is still ruining your peace.

I say all of this because these are the kind of situations, I would find myself in, years back. I would feel dreadful about myself, for whatever reason, and then I would go full throttle into making changes because I wanted to become – and ultimately – feel better. And the changes would work, for a while.

But soon, I’d find myself back in that dark familiar place of self loathing, feeling even more confused and cheesed off than I had before and so on and on I’d go again, hoping at some point that some breakthrough would come.

Sound familiar?

An example of this is when you decide to loose weight because you hate your body. You’ve been working hard to lose the pounds for a few days or weeks, but end up having a dip in will power and scoffing half a pack of biscuits in a sabotage binge. I’ve been there. Perhaps you have to.

It might have felt good in the moment but the sugar high doesn’t last long and before you know it, you’re feeling dreadful and disgusted with yourself, thinking “well I’ve screwed my diet up now, what’s the point?!” and instead of seeing it for what it is – a mere blip on your weight loss timeline – you throw in the towel and go right back to eating the same food as before.

But here is what I have learned.

If you can find a way to work on loving and accepting yourself right now – all of you including the darkest, most shameful stuff –  the changes that you work so hard on to make happen, can and will, more than likely last!

Because when your motivation for self-improvement comes from a place of love and not hatred, this is when the magic happens.

Let’s go back to the biscuit binge… This time, you’re wanting to lose weight because you know you and your body deserve better. You know you feel good when you eat healthier food. You want to have more energy. You understand you need to make some changes. You love your body and appreciate it for what it already is, so want to fuel and move it differently.

You start well, have a dreadful night’s sleep and find yourself binging on biscuits. Sure you feel a bit disappointed to have indulged in too many bourbons with your cup of tea, but you accept it, realise that it’s just one occasion and go back to your healthier eating choices, fully aware that you will slip up from time to time and that this is normal and perfectly OK! You know an odd biscuit binge won’t kill you and realise that a life without bourbons would be a poorer life anyway.

I jest a little, but hopefully you get the point.

It has taken me decades of work to get a place of self love instead of self- loathing. To get to acceptance and appreciation. Even for the bad stuff. It has taken time, commitment and it is a constant battle. I’m still working on it, often daily, but generally I come at most things now, from a kinder and healthier place.

Creating a new improved you becomes entirely possible when you really quite like whom you already are. It sounds a bit weird but that’s the truth.

As I’ve found, when you come at self improvement from a place of love, you will be inspired to make positive changes, because you know you deserve them. Because you know that the you that you already love, can become stronger, happier, more educated or healthier.

Your commitment may wane from time to time, as is natural, but it will stay strong because love is powerful. Your determination to succeed will remain constant, even when you hit a blip, because love is forgiving. You will realise that little changes and introducing new habits are just as worthy as the big knee- jerk jumps into the unknown, because you can appreciate your efforts and have gratitude.

Love not hate. If you’re changing anything about yourself or your life, it’s a good idea to make sure it comes from there.