“But I don’t have a style. I don’t have a style personality.”

These are just two of the common phrases I hear often from women as a style consultant. (Yep, besides being a writer, I do this too.) But I’m about to say to you, what I say to them. It is simply not true.

Everybody has what I call, a style personality. By this I mean a way of showing the world whom they are and how they feel about themselves, through what they wear.

Did you know that it takes less than a mere 30 seconds and can even take as little as a tenth of a second for people to make a judgment about you? Every time I remind myself of this, it blows my mind. And whilst we like to perhaps think that we would never make a judgment about someone so quickly, the reality is – whether we like it or not – that what we wear and how we wear things, really does matter.

How we dress every day tells the world more than we can possibly imagine, so because of this, it’s obviously pretty damn important that we get it right.

So your style personality is the essence of who you are, demonstrated through what you wear.

It tells people how you feel about yourself. It gives a hint at your interests and likes. It suggests what kind of person you are. Whether you are bold and confident or quieter and more contemplative for example.

So understanding it and being aware of it is important not only to your success in life but dare I say it, to your happiness too. Why?

Because when we wear what feels good and authentic to us, we carry ourselves differently and present our best selves to the world. We show up with more confidence, more smiles, more empathy and more humour. Looking and feeling great not only opens up doors for career growth and success but also for new relationships, friendships and other opportunities too.

I’ve been working as a stylist now for three years and I firmly believe that getting to grips with your style personality is one of the best things you can do for yourself.

I do not say this lightly.

It will boost your confidence, help you embrace more of who you and make life – and getting dressed – feel so much easier and more interesting. And that’s just for starters!

And do you want the good news? If you are someone who is now desperately wanting to scream the words “but I don’t have a style personality!” at me, then please listen to what I have to say.

You may think you have no style but you do. You may believe that you have no style personality but you do. It may be lost, it may be hidden away, you may have no idea whom you are anymore or are still dressing like you did decades ago. This is all very normal and it happens.

But please trust me, you were born with a style personality and now I’m going to try and help you find it.

Grab a pen, make some notes and perhaps get ready to surprise yourself.

1) Get clarity

Life in all its various forms is busy and because of this, most women have never even considered their style or crucially, what they like or even dislike. So I want you to start here.

Go all the way back to childhood. What did you love to wear when you were growing up? Which outfits can you recall now from your teenage years or in your twenties that you felt fantastic in? What colours have you always been drawn to? Which fabrics feel good when you wear them? Get a piece of paper and make two lists – likes and dislikes. Put down everything and anything you can think of in these lists when it comes to style. Don’t question any of it, just get it written down.

2) Be honest

When did you lose your style? What is preventing you from changing the way you dress? What stories have you created in regards to your own personal style? (I often hear … I’m too old, too fat, I don’t go out anywhere, I’m always at work, I feel invisible anyway, I’m too busy, it’s shallow etc.)

We all create stories about ourselves which more often than not, are inaccurate, so I want you to be brutal with yourself here and pick apart your style stories until you get to the real truth. Hint – most of the stories we tell ourselves (outlined in the examples above) are often simply excuses for feeling unhappy, not loving ourselves enough or being too fearful of the judgement of others.

Please don’t allow these stories or the judgment or cruelty of others to hold you back or make you blind to the truth.

3) Explore and be inspired

Style is a visual thing and supposed to be enjoyable so I now want you to get creative! Get your scissors and glue out and make a visual moodboard of any looks or pieces you love or like. Or get on Pinterest and create virtual boards instead. Don’t think in terms of body shape or age or anything else which holds you back mentally. Just let your body respond. If you love or like something you will know! Trust your instinct.

Think of famous women whose style you admire or shops you like and write down any key words that you think of when you think of them. Dig around and allow yourself be be inspired.

4) Create some key words

Now you’ve down some digging and exploring, I want you to come up with 3 words that you would describe yourself as or that you would like others to describe you as. (Kind, positive ones only, obviously!)

For example…

BRAVE. ELEGANT. LADYLIKE.

QUIRKY. FUN. INTERESTING.

SEXY. SMART. DYNAMIC.

Write down any word that feels right for you and then narrow your list down to just three. When you’ve got your three and are happy with them, write them down and pin them where you can see them. On your mirror or on the back of a wardrobe door, as well as on your mobile phone, are ideal places as you want to see them every day.

5) Do an edit of everything you already own

Using your key words and the moodboard/s you’ve created as inspiration and guides, now go through your wardrobe, drawers and jewellery boxes and have a really good clear out. Most women own far too many clothes, which they don’t wear, which only adds to confusion and lack of clarity about their personal style. So be ruthless. Seriously.

For starters, remove any items that no longer fit or are past their best. (You’re not ever going to feel good about yourself if you have these pieces in your wardrobe. They will make you feel inadequate or shabby and everyone deserves better than that!)

Next, let go of any pieces that are either not a core piece – ie an essential such as a pair of black trousers for work – or that no longer suit your style personality. Think of those three words and remove items that don’t fit with your mini brief.

For example, if you want to be seen as quirky and interesting, you probably want to get rid of any item that feels frumpy or too boring. (Unless it’s a core piece that you can add some personality to,  like a white shirt for example.)

Then, write a shopping list. What would you love to wear or own that you don’t currently own? Which colours or textures do you adore but don’t have in your wardrobe? What pieces do you need to purchase or find to help you tick off those three important words?

6) Finally, remember you deserve to show up for yourself!

Style isn’t something people are just born with. It is something that needs to be played around with and enjoyed. It requires effort. Not much, but at least a little thought and some of your time.

So if getting dressed pains you, then I really do strongly suggest trying to think of it, as less of a chore, and more something to be inquisitive about and interested in. Allow yourself to feel what you feel on any given day and dress in a way that will help to make you feel better, whilst bearing in mind your three key style words.

Dress for how you want to feel on any particular day, whilst always bearing in mind whom you are. 

Remember your style personality is about becoming more of who you truly are, not less. It’s not about playing dress up or becoming a version of someone else. It’s about saying to the world, this is who I am and this is how I’m feeling today.

It’s not about shrinking yourself to confirm or comparing yourself to others. It’s about self expression and feeling comfortable in your own skin.

What we wear matters. To ourselves more than anyone else. So please do yourself the biggest, kindest favour and dress in a way that pleases you and makes you feel at home.

Your soul -and the world- will thank you for it.

Need professional styling help? Contact me to find out more about my styling services or to book a style personality session.