Friends, acquaintances, work colleagues and family.

Our people. Your people. My people. The humans we share our lives with.

Some we invite into our souls, sharing with them our deepest, darkest, dirtiest of secrets. Whilst others are more social friends or people we only exchange pleasantries with.

Your people.

The women and men you see or speak to on a regular basis. The ones you celebrate or commiserate with. Love, admire and support. But how many of these people are truly your people? How many really have your best interests at heart? And how many of them really want you to succeed and to be happy?

Because one of the most hard hitting things I have learned over the past two decades of adulthood is that unfortunately, often the people we invite and allow to remain in our inner circle, are not always the ones who deserve to be there.

In the past, I’ve held my inner circle door wide open to all kinds of people who absolutely should never have been allowed in. Invited people to my personal private party who should never have made the guest list. But these days I’m different. Smarter if you like.

Because when it comes to relationships, let me tell you, if you don’t know it already, you inner circle is everything. Choose wisely and your circle will help make your life happier, more successful and dare I say it, even magical. Choose dreadfully though and the opposite is true.

As the old maxim goes: “Who you spend time with is who you become.”

So when it comes to friendship, you gotta be choosy. A little wary too. And also, you have to take things slow.

In the past my lack of boundaries and people-pleasing tendencies meant that I often gave the ‘friend’ tag to people who demonstrated time and time again that they were anything but. Some people bull-dozed their way into my life (and I didn’t stand in their way) whilst for others, I held the door wide open, even though I didn’t really know anything about them. I allowed people in my inner circle before I’d even had a chance to figure out their motives or intentions and most importantly, before I’d even figured out what kind of person they actually were.

Silly indeed. But thankfully I’ve learned my lesson, albeit the hard way.

Your inner circle is everything.

It is that special and it is that simple.

Looking after it well is one of the very best things you can do for your own wellbeing, success and happiness so tend it, nurture it and keep it absolutely sacred. It’s the least you deserve.

CREATING YOUR BEST INNER CIRCLE

Let’s look at what your inner circle should be like. Your ideal and the only one you deserve.

Your Inner Circle Should Be:

• Small in number – seriously, we’re not in school anymore. If you think you’ve got ten best friends, I urge you to think again. Your inner circle should be a select few. That’s how it works. Spaces are reserved for the cream of your relationship crop. The best of the best. So if your inner circle is large in number, scale it down.
• Your cheerleaders – yep, all of them. I don’t care if it’s your parent, sibling, friend, work colleague or partner, if you’ve got someone in your inner circle who can’t or doesn’t congratulate you on your success, sing your praises often or celebrate with you when you’re riding high on the joys of life, then they do not deserve a place within it. Everyone in your inner circle should only ever be rooting for you. If they’re not – for whatever reason – it’s time to remove them.
• Decent human beings – OK, I’m stating the obvious here but seriously, you’d be astonished at some of the people I once held in my cherished people group. Everyone in your inner circle should be a decent, good human being and that my friends is the bare minimum. Not sure if they are? Then step back a little and observe. Watch them in action, note their behaviour towards others and listen to how they speak to and about people. That will tell you everything you need to know.
• Inspiring, successful and positive – As the saying goes ‘ show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.’  Fill your inner circle spots with people who bring out the best in you. The humans who fill up your soul. The people who love you and treat you well.  The women and men that you know who are living happy and successful lives. This is your benchmark.

Your Inner Circle Should NOT Be:

• For anyone and everyone – don’t give access all areas to anyone you meet. Be choosy. Take your time getting to know people, trust your instinct when it comes to reading people and never be afraid to close the circle’s door on anyone. We cannot change people’s behaviour but we can always change whom we allow in our lives.
• Jealous of you – Your circle should motivate, support and celebrate you but sadly not everyone will want the best for you, so pay attention. If someone remains silent when you’re experiencing something wonderful, makes sarcastic comments when you’re in their company or can’t ever pay you a compliment, then you’ve got a problem. Never allow or keep anyone in your inner circle whom you know or suspect is jealous of you.
• Negative or draining – We all have days when we need a good rant to get things off our chest, but if your inner circle contains people who are continually negative or a constant drain on your energy, time or resources, then it’s time to show them the door as well as limit how much interaction you have with them. Unsure? Then here are two things to ask yourself about them;  1) How do you feel after spending time in their company? Exhausted or upbeat? Happy or down in the dumps? and 2) How do you feel before you see them, when you know you’re going to be spending time in their company? Are you excited or does your heart sink? Become aware of your feelings and note how your energy shifts when you’re with people. It will all become crystal clear.
• Make you feel bad – An obvious one but if anyone does this to you, then please make sure you give them the heave ho. You’re better having no inner circle at all or a teeny tiny one than one which is filled with people who do not want the best for you or god forbid, even worse.

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