LIFE: Ladies, when it comes to other women, do you empower or compete?


LAST night I was scrolling down my Instagram feed when I came across this phrase.

I loved it immediately because of it’s simplicity and it’s brilliance. I mean, it’s just so true isn’t it?

As a woman in her thirties, I like to think that when it comes to supporting, encouraging and inspiring my fellow sisters I’ve got things covered. Indeed, really I guess that this is what my blog is all about!

I’m far from perfect and I often make mistakes, but the fire in my belly is continually fuelled by my passion to help other women, to try and inspire and ultimately to make them feel better about themselves.

Women across the world are still being mistreated, still being abused, still being raped, still being murdered, still being told what they can and cannot do, still being told that they’re not good enough, still being paid less than men, still having opportunities denied to them.

And yet, still, some women continue to turn against one another.

Did you know that one woman every 90 seconds dies during pregnancy or childbirth? That 19 out of the 20 richest women in the world inherited their wealth from their father or husband, rather than earned it themselves? That the youngest girl in the world to ever get divorced was just 10 years old? (10 years old!) That girls are less likely to reach adulthood because of gender discrimination?

There’s nowhere near enough love and support in this world for women and this has just GOT to change! And women empowering other women, is where it all begins.

Women empowering women can change the world. Women empowering women makes amazing stuff happen.

When I hear of women being kind and loving to each other, when I see supportive tweets exchanged between my female Twitter friends, when I spend time with some of the amazing and beautiful women I know, I feel like women can conquer the world and it makes me so proud.

But whilst all of this is wonderful, if you look closely enough, you’ll see that there is not enough of this behaviour around.

You’ll notice that some women are still buying those god awful trashy women’s magazines that slate other women and mock their bodies. That some of the worst sexist people out there, are not men, but some women. That there are women who exist that would rather stand by a rapist than support a women who has been raped. That many women mistreat and intentionally hurt other women, because that’s the only thing they know how to do.

Look closely and you will find examples of hatred towards women, from women, everywhere.

Depressing and awful it may be but it is the sad truth.

Too many women see other women as competition and a threat to their existence or happiness.

Too many women compare themselves to other women, and not in a good or healthy way.

Too many women dislike other women.

Too many young girls are horrible to each other because they lack positive female role models.

There’s too much jealousy, too much hatred, too much criticism and not enough encouragement, support and celebration.


A while ago I heard Germaine Greer talk (a dream come true!) and one of the things that she spoke about, which moved me so much, was how women often turn against one another.

She explained that the most oppressed groups in society will often exhibit signs of horizontal hostility in which they turn against each other instead of turning to each other.

It seems that history has taught women that the only way to survive is to turn against each other and to view each other as competition. In a way it kind of makes sense, but come on ladies, who only wants to survive?!

I don’t know about you, but I want women to THRIVE not just survive. And the only way this is ever going to happen is by women empowering women!

By empowering each other, we can do amazing things. We can change the world. We can – to quote Michael Jackson – make it a better place.

We’ve got to start loving, stop hating. Do more encouraging and less criticising. Work together not apart.

Recognise that our strength lies in being united, not at each others’ throats. We’ve got to praise each other each, spread the love, support, encourage and shout about others’ victories and achievements.

Ladies, it is time we started to celebrate womankind and all that that entails. It is time we celebrated each other.

Now, more than ever, I am determined to be a champion of women. The question is, are YOU?


To all the incredible women I know, I love you. x






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20 Discussions on
“LIFE: Ladies, when it comes to other women, do you empower or compete?”
  • This this is your BEST post ever (so far) Kate and I’ve loved every single one of them.

    I applaud you and agree wholeheartedly.

    Mum and I were having a similar discussion this morning, about why women are not kinder to one another. Why there’s so much envy and jealousy. Why other women often find it hard to praise one another.

    I went to a horrendously bitchy all girls school until I was 16 which was an utter nightmare. Getting away into a fab sixth form, surrounded by amazing girls (and guys)-something unhealthy about insecure (and I count myself in that) adolsecent girls all together…was LIBERATING. I never felt happier. I realised I could be myself!

    My Mum is an incredible role model to me and I’m very lucky in that respect, always fair, never bitchy, a true feminist-she’s shown me the right way to be. Of course we’re human, make mistakes ourselves but are trying to be the best us we can be!

    You are so right girlfriend, it’s all about empowering and supporting one another. Being happy in ourselves and wanting the best for one another.

    I love my girlfriends, we support, love and want the best for one another. It’s about genuine generosity in spirit for others and comes from being content yourself first and foremost.

    Not everyone can or wants to change and for those you simply don’t click with or who hurt you, I say cut them out so you and your life is positive.

    I really think schools need to work on educating kids on these values which are so crucial. Competition-healthy competition as long as it’s just that is great and schools push for that, it’s when it becomes unhealthy, back-stabbing less inspiration and more twisted that is so flipping SAD!

    Thanks so much for this


  • Another amazing post, I love this! Am all about empowering and supporting other women- wanting the best for each other is it in a nutshell! At the end of the day if girls start sniping and bitching, the only person they end up competing with is themselves. My favourite phrase is “I hear ya sista” .. the sisterhood rules xxx

    • Thank you ladies so much for your comments! It is WONDERFUL to hear of other women who think exactly the same and live their lives accordingly. Bloody brilliant in fact! xxx

  • Here, here! I’m all for empowering my fellow females, I hate bitchiness & competition between women, it’s nothing but ridiculous and so sad to see.

    Here’s to taking over the world ladies, one glorious heel clad step at a time ;)

  • I LOVE LOVE LOVE the phrase at the beginning and completely agree with everything you say in this post! There are so many women who unfortunately still act like mean girls rather than strong women. Last year I had to cut out some of these girls when I realised how toxic they were to my life. The group of friends I have now are supportive and wonderful and we do empower each other.

    As mums it is especially important as it is so easy to believe you aren’t a good mother, and sadly some women cast so much judgement on each other rather than helping or supporting each other. To me, one of the most important things about my blog is that I am honest about my failings as well as my successes in the hope that I help even one other woman feel stronger and more empowered.

    Thank you for writing this wonderful post! xx #allaboutyou

    • Thank you Caroline. Your ‘mums’ comment is spot on. It’s tough being a mother at times – I myself have had one of those god awful days – so supporting each other is vital. Sadly, I think there are many women who just don’t know how to support other women or who are scared that by being honest themselves, that they will be judged harshly.

      Congratulations on getting rid of the toxic ones too. Life is far too bloomin’ precious to spend it with those who are negative and / or poisonous! :) x

  • You know you’ve just read an amazing post when you want to sit and read all the comments as well!!

    Love your sentiment, totally buy into it.

    I think it is very true about the girl / woman thing. The world sets us up to compete against one another from an early age. It happens to men as well, but they handle it in a different way and don’t have nearly as many barriers to success and survival that women do.

    Until you become a grown-up, who truly feels comfortable with herself, it can be really difficult to always be supportive and nurturing towards other women.

    This is what I love about the possibilities that social media and blogging bring for women, giving us a voice, particularly those of us taking time out from the 9 – 5 or who have altered our lives significantly to bring up children, because choosing either of these options leads to many of us feeling side-lined by society, pinpointed as not being as valuable as we once were.

    Big up the sista-hood. It feels so much better to find a way to like, support and stand shoulder to shoulder with someone than to bitch at them or about them.

    Thanks so much for linking up this awesome post to #AllAboutYou

    • Wow. Thank you Luci. The post has really resonated with everyone and i’m so delighted about that!

      Also completely agree with you about social media and blogging helping to bring women together. Just the other day, in a meeting, when I mentioned the blogging community (in particular the mummy blogging community) a man said to me, “gosh, i bet that’s bitchy”.

      Let’s just say he got quite a shock when I told him that actually he couldn’t be further the truth. It seems even men seem to think that women cannot work together, sadly x

  • What a wonderful post! Women’s support of one another and placing value in each others lives, in spite of our differences is so important! Thank you for celebrating sisterhood here and for sharing it with many others. A great #AllAboutYou post!

  • Amen Sister! This is so true and I think education is key. If we set a good example to the young girls in schools then it is bound to have an impact. If only we could convince those trashy magazines to get rid of the awful articles! #AllAboutYou

  • When I was teaching I always tried to encourage the girls to care for each other first. I don’t blame women for trying to survive in this shitty system in the only way they know how but I totally agree we need to start changing the script from the inside.

  • Oh Katy, a killer post, absolutely one of my favourites of yours and that’s saying something, it’s so hard to choose.

    I’ve had this discussion many times with my mother and sisters, about the power of women, and wonder at times whether we are not divided on purpose, where history has purposefully united men in war and in business and even before then. Female warriors have existed and continue now to do so only in body-contour outfits in sci-fi video games – apart from the brownies and girl guides we are not encouraged to band together, and groups of women are called names like “gaggles”, or visuals which make you think of groups of women gossipping which is hardly empowering. I completely agree with you, we need to lift each other up, empower and celebrate. We need in business to not try to act as we think a man would act but with empathy which is our skill – and if there were more women in power the world might be a much more peaceful place thanks to those unique emotional skills we have. But in the meantime, let’s take your call to arms and while we raise our boys and girls to honour and respect women, we’ll keep on encouraging these bonds for sisterhood. #AllAboutYou xx

    • Thank you so much Zaz. I’m so chuffed with the response to this post and your wonderful comment.

      You’re also incredibly right about women being divided on purpose. I think that all the time. As you say, descriptions of women working together tend to always be negative, giving the implication that women cannot be together in groups without gossiping or bitching.

      Even the ‘ladies that lunch’ phrase is derogative. Implying that women have nothing to do but eat and gossip! Even though they are more than likely eating whilst talking about juggling their families with work, setting up their own businesses etc.

      Loved your comment. Thanks again. We’ve certainly got a lot of work to do. x

  • Such a vital post lady, if only more women supported, nurtured and were simply kinder to one another, life would be so much better. Shocking how much inequality there is for women still, how few MP’s, business owners, directors (I’m one of 5% female directors)…we need to rise up the ranks and help one another not compete and like Zaz says, feel we need to denounce our identity and what feels natural to us in doing so. Thanks so much for linking this to #brillblogposts

  • Katie! You took the words right out of my mouth! Thank you for writing this! It makes me really happy to connect with other women who have recognized this. I created the Elle Bracelet as a symbol of supporting female friendships, and celebrating the bond that women share. I think its really important that we start with building genuine friendships with one another while also honoring the ones we already have. I hope to see women empowering one another, supporting one another, and most importantly being the change we want to see. <3 xox Rachelle

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