I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently and I’ve come to an uncomfortable but necessary truth that I’ve had to look square in the eye and accept.

It’s not something that is easy to face, let alone admit. Truth be told, I thought I was a bit better than this. But it turns out, that even at the age of forty, I’m still learning about myself. I guess we all are.

So it’s time to cough up, own it, share it and work the hell out of it, because life, well, it’s far too short.

Here’s the truth which makes me squirm but needs saying out loud.

I’ve been playing small.

And by doing so, by not absolutely fully and proudly owning my space, I’ve done myself a disservice.

Sure I’ve tackled personal challenges in the past and taken some pretty big leaps of faith, and yes, I’ve achieved things that the young me could have only dreamed of. But if I’m truthful, really truthful to myself, then I have to admit that throughout my life, I’ve often been stuck in the way of my own success.

I move forward a few paces but then seem to hit a bump in the road. Or perhaps I find one. Sound familiar?

Identifying our own weaknesses isn’t easy, but if I want to start moving over those bumps in the road (or stop finding or looking for them) and begin stepping into my full power, I have to own it. And so that’s what I’m doing.

Mostly for me. But also for you.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the whole playing it small thing and have managed to identify three main areas that I have struggled with. The three Cs as I like to call them.

Confidence. Consistency. Collaboration.

Let’s start with the big one first.

CONFIDENCE

There are some people you meet in life who seem to have it in spades. And others who appear to have hardly any.

Personally speaking, I’m probably like most of us, in that my confidence varies day to day. Occasionally, even hour to hour. Some days I’m on top of the world with my confidence cup well and truly topped up to the brim. Other days, I’m looking at the dregs at the bottom, wondering how on earth I will manage to top my cup up again.

The lack of consistent confidence in my own ability and talent has been, if I’m honest, probably the biggest professional cross I’ve had to bear. It’s been a real problem. Because when my confidence dips, so does my progress and therefore ultimately my future success.

When it comes to confidence, I’m not referring to that brazen, in your face, can’t miss it type of confidence but the genuine kind. The authentic, ‘believe in yourself no matter what kind’ that has to come from your very core. Regardless of external factors and always regardless of what others may say or think.

I do experience this presence of confidence. Often too, if I’m lucky.

But the infrequency of it, coupled with the absolute lack of it on some occasion, leaves me vulnerable. Because how you can embrace the biggest, boldest things in life, when your confidence cup is empty or sadly lacking?

I’m not alone in experiencing confidence dips like this and I know it’s more common than perhaps many of us even realise. In my line of work as a writer and blogger, I know many brilliant, talented women who are admired and respected, yet struggle to achieve the success they truly deserve, because they don’t have the same level of confidence as others who work in the same space.

Talent is important of course, but that alone won’t get you anywhere. When it comes to success, if you don’t continually believe in yourself and what you offer, then you’ll never get to the same lofty heights as those that do and aiming to play bigger will always be a struggle.

So this is what I’m working hard on at the moment. Creating a level of consistent confidence that won’t dip as much, that will allow me to play with the big girls. I hope you’ll join me in that effort too.

CONSISTENCY

You can’t play it big by dabbling. By showing up sometimes and then disappearing for a while, only to pop back up again.

It just doesn’t work.

I know that because I’ve tried it.

One of my biggest mistakes over the past few years, in particular as a blogger, has been my lack of consistency. I’ve had periods of time when I’ve blogged on a consistent basis and seen remarkable progress in terms of numbers and readership, only to then lose momentum – or perhaps that dip in confidence I’ve just talked about – and see that progress halt to a stop. Or in worst cases, even go backwards.

Consistency – as much as I may hate to say it –  is the key to success and to bigger, better opportunities coming along. We all love to read those overnight success stories don’t we? But the truth is, they simply don’t exist.

It takes years of hard work, dedication and yep you guessed it, consistency, to get to be an overnight success story. I’ve seen it with my own eyes in my industry.

The people that I know well who have achieved huge success, the ones who are playing it large, are those that have been consistent. Solidly consistent.

The ones who haven’t given up. Who haven’t disappeared for weeks on end. Who have kept plugging away.

The big players in any industry make it look easy to the rest of us, but it’s hard to be consistent at something, even if you love what do you do. Consistency requires confidence, determination and dedication, but in return it gives increased visibility, shows the universe that you really mean business and gives people something they can rely on – you.

If we want to play bigger in our lives, then we have to continually show up for the work. Keep going, keep believing and do that for as long as is humanly possible. It worked for JLo. And it can work for you and I too.

I could cry watching Jennifer Lopez talk about falling victim to her own self-doubt — especially after last night’s triumph. I love this woman. pic.twitter.com/LMATpGVKNh

— Jarett Wieselman (@JarettSays) February 3, 2020

COLLABORATION

I don’t do much freelancing these days as I don’t have the necessary time to do so (with a little one around), but if I do take on a copywriting job, I will always give my client these words of advice:

“If you want to connect with people, you have to demonstrate that you’re human.”

As human beings we thrive on connection and belonging. In short, we need each other. Which is why collaboration is so important in all areas of our lives – from raising a family to organising a big event – but especially when it comes to running a business or having an exciting career.

Collaboration works incredibly well, if you wish (like me), to create a life for yourself that is bigger and brighter. It introduces you to new friends, opens up doors and raises your profile. Plus it makes life much more interesting. Fun too.

In this area, I’ve done pretty well. Currently I have exciting ongoing collaborations with blog clients and friends. Indeed two of my best friendships have come from working with other women, which is why it’s something that I always encourage and try to partake in.

But, it can also be costly. Because collaboration can only work well/ brilliantly, when it is authentic. And sadly, as much as it pains me to say it, this isn’t always the case. Every collaboration should be mutually beneficial. Every collaboration should feel easy. Every collaboration should enhance you or an area of your life.

So here’s some advice, learned from some hard lessons I’ve been given along the way, to help you create more positive and fruitful collaborations:

• Don’t do things for free or for nothing in return (unless you really, really, really, really want to.) Everyone deserves to be paid for their talent, experience and time.
• Don’t collaborate with toxic people! If someone or something doesn’t feel right, walk away if possible and don’t look back. Remember every collaboration should be mutually beneficial.
• Finally, never sell yourself short.

In my book ‘A Little Pick Me Up‘ I wrote about how surviving was no longer good enough for me. How thriving was my aim.

And it is, but as you may have gathered from this article, I’ve just moved the goalposts.

Here’s to us all living a bigger, better, bolder life and stepping out of the way of our own success.