TODAY is a first for me on Pouting In Heels, because I am writing a post aimed at men.
“Why on earth would you do that?!” I hear you cry. Well, it’s very simple really.
Last Friday, I wrote this post in a bid to encourage more of you gorgeous women to learn to love your bodies and in response to that, a male friend of mine made my absolute day by writing this piece in which he posed this killer question: “how can we guys help our ladies to stop ignoring their beauty?”
Reading Sam’s piece really got me thinking and so I thought, to hell with it, I’m gonna write a post aimed at men in a bid to tackle this very problem.
So lads, chaps, blokes, gentlemen – whatever you like to call yourselves – here are five things that you can do to help your ladies to stop ignoring their own beauty. Much of it you may already do (here’s hoping) but if not, well you never know, you might just pick up a few pearls of wisdom which could earn yourself a few extra brownie points with your beloved.
Ladies, please do feel free to chip in at the bottom with your own thoughts on this and share this post with all the men you know!
Ok chaps, are we ready? It’s time to listen up…
Treat your partner like she’s a goddess
Men, wonderful men, I’m going to let you into a little secret now about us ladies and it is this… *leans in closer and whispers*
Every woman wants to feel like a goddess.
We may be the fiercest, most opinionated, most independent, ball crushing feminists in the world but when we’re with you and wrapped in your arms, all we want, is to feel like the most desired and loved woman that has ever walked the earth.
We want to feel adored, worshipped, loved and desired more than you could ever believe. To feel that you are completely and utterly smitten.
Are we being impossible? Perhaps. But just like you need to feel like you’re our hero, we need to feel like we are the only woman alive that can make you crazy in love.
Whenever I speak to a male friend who tells me that his sex life is going down in the pan (and yes I have had these conversations), I always think to myself, ahhh, it’s because you’re not making her feel like a goddess. Because seriously chaps, it really is that simple.
Your woman wants to feel that she is precious to you. In every way, shape and form.
So how can you make her feel that way? Easy.
Tell her that she’s beautiful and don’t stop telling her. Give her body the attention it deserves (you know what I’m on about, stop rushing to the ‘best’ bits) and tell her what it is about her that you find so damn sexy. Show her more affection. Appreciate her curves. Adore her beauty and just love the very bones of her.
I guarantee that if you treat your woman like she’s a total goddess, she’ll become even more of one for you. And what could be hotter than that?
If she speaks negatively about her body, up the positivity
Ok, I know that it is not your job to make your good lady feel better about her body. I know that. We all do.
But, seeing as you men love our bodies so much, I’m afraid you do have some duty towards helping us improve how we feel about them.
Because whilst you may love our curves and squidgy bits, the truth is that many women find it very difficult to like what they see when they stand naked in front of a mirror. Bonkers I know.
Oh how we wish we had your confidence, strutting around starkers with your heads held high, but for us, loving our bodies doesn’t come as easy.
Take a minute to try and imagine (if you can) what it’s like for us to constantly be bombarded with pictures of beautiful, perfect women everywhere we go and to feel the constant pressure of trying to live up to these kind of images. I’ll be honest and tell you from a woman to a man, it’s pretty damn tough.
Add to that, things like pregnancy and childbirth which cause absolute havoc to women’s bodies and self esteem and then ask yourself, is it any surprise that women feel pretty shit about their bodies from time to time?
The way most women feel about their bodies can swing violently from love to hate to acceptance in a matter of hours, never mind days, depending on what’s happening in their lives and how they feel that particular day.
Some days we may feel fantastic. Others not so much. And then there are the dark days when we just hate how we look. The days when you hear us complain about our massive thighs, fat tummies and saggy bums. Or is that just me?
So how you can stop your woman speaking so negatively about her body? Well Mr, you’ve gotta help turn that frown upside down.
Tell her that her ‘big bum’ (her words, never yours!) gives you more to grab hold off, show her that she’s still a goddess (see above) listen to her feelings, support and encourage her with healthy eating, go running with her if she’s struggling to lose that stubborn baby weight, make her feel like a total sex pot.
Change her negatives into positives and watch your woman start to shine.
Don’t be a ‘perv’
We know you can’t help but admire and stare at beautiful women. And we totally get why you do it. Women ARE incredibly beautiful after all and I mean, hey, even we can’t stop looking at each other! (Calm down now) But here’s the thing…
We don’t really like it but most of us don’t mind you looking at, appreciating or drooling even, over other women. We’d just rather you did it quietly, discreetly and kept it to yourself.
So if you have to look, fine, do it but just don’t make it obvious. If you have a crush on someone, fine, just keep it harmless and to yourself. If you find someone attractive, fine, we can see her beauty too, just don’t rub our noses in it.
I once dated a man many years ago who used to constantly comment on other women when I was him. “She’s fit, wow, she’s gorgeous, look at the legs on here” etc etc etc. You get the picture.
The result? I ditched him very quickly. If he couldn’t keep from verbally admiring every single woman that walked past and comparing her to me, there was no way he was getting the chance to get intimate with me.
Let me tell you, nothing is more crushing to a woman, than hearing the man she adores spout off about how gorgeous other women are whilst neglecting the very stunning one he already has in front of him. So be careful.
By all means look, fantasise about and appreciate beautiful women and their shapely forms. Just please be a gentleman about it and keep your perving to a minimum.
Afterall, if we can do it, so can you? (You don’t really think we don’t find other men attractive do you?!)
Tell your daughter that she IS beautiful
And clever, and funny, and kind, and talented and totally wonderful. Make her feel like the most loved person in the world.
Healthy self esteem starts in childhood so to help your daughter grow and flourish into the rose that’s she meant to, you need to show and tell her how much she is loved. All of her life.
And not for what she looks like. Or for what she does. But for who she is.
Be the best male role model you can be. You will be the first man she encounters in her life so for heavens sake make sure you’re a good one. Treat women with respect, love and appreciate your partner, speak positively about women’s bodies, demonstrate to her exactly what a good man looks, acts and sounds like.
Make her realise that she is so incredibly precious. Help her grow into a beautiful, confident young woman so that in the future she will not accept anything less than being treated like a total goddess.
Realise that fantasy is just that
I have some news to break to you and you might not like it. After all, if there’s one thing you men seem to love more than anything, it’s fantasy.
Are you ready?
You know all of those stunning women that you see in magazines, on posters and on your desk calendar, that you dream about and get all hot and sweaty about? Well, the thing is my friends, they don’t really look like that. Not in real life anyway.
Am I being bitchy? Nope, not at all. I’m just telling the truth because for some reason, there are still a few men out there who think women like this really do exist. Who don’t quite grasp the concept of photoshop and airbrushing, of magic and wizardry, of make up and tricks of the trade.
And this is damaging. To us, the real women. Your women. The ones who love you. The ones who share your beds. The ones who bear your children. The ones who want to be your fantasy but find it hard to compete.
We know you love fantasy. So do we. (Why do you think we adore make up and pretty clothes so much?!)
The truth is that most of us ladies need a little help to look our most stunning best and even the most gorgeous of models and celebrities are no different. How do I know? Because I’ve experienced it for myself.
Yesterday, a woman’s glossy magazine hit the shops with my face (and body) on the cover. It was, I admit, a very exciting day. People keep saying lovely things about the way I look which is very kind and nice to hear. However, I also know just how much work went into that cover shot.
To get me looking ‘cover ready’ I had a whole team of people working on me, as well as special lighting, a wind machine and a very talented photographer taking the snaps. Those pics that you see of me, are me yes, but they are of me at my absolute best, created with a lot of help.
I do not look like that in the morning when I get up. Hell, I don’t even look like as good as that now!
There’s nothing wrong with fantasy. Without it, life would sure as hell be dull.
But all I’m saying is that if you ever find yourself looking at the woman in your life, wishing she looked more like Cindy Crawford and less like the exhausted woman in front of you, just stop for a second and realise that even Cindy Crawford has acknowledged that she doesn’t look like Cindy Crawford.
Please stop comparing us to images we cannot live up to and start appreciating the real beauty, that’s in front of you.
Because the more you do that, the more chance we ladies have of appreciating our own beauty too.
What do you think chaps? Have I been fair to you? Do you feel there’s anything you can do to help your woman feel better about her looks? Do you think women need to do more to help themselves? I would LOVE to hear what you’ve got to say.
What a week it’s been! Big thank you to everyone who has got in touch about my big ‘cover’ moment.
Have an amazing weekend folks! Make it a good one! x