Are you a giver or a taker?…
WHEN it comes to the human race, sometimes I think you can split us all up into two camps. Those that give and those that take.
This issue of people giving or indeed, not giving to each other, has been niggling at me and playing on my mind for a couple of months now. Perhaps it’s my pregnancy hormones, but recently I’ve found myself becoming more and more astounded at how truly selfish some people are.
Before I harp on, make no mistake, I’m not saying I’m perfect. At all. I’m far from it!
There have been plenty of times when, in hindsight, I could or perhaps should have done more to help someone I loved. But, on the whole, I like to think (and hope) that I do my best to be a good friend, loving daughter, caring wife, sister etc. I really do.
And I’m also not talking about those amongst us who occasionally forget about their nearest and dearest because life has taken over or they’ve just got too much going on. We’re human and this happens. It’s impossible to be there for everyone all of the time. I know that. And it’s even easier to screw up. I know that too.
But what I AM talking about and getting incredibly fed up with of late, is those people among us who consistently don’t bother making an effort with anyone, because they’re always far too wrapped up in their own lives.
The ones who time and time again, forget our birthdays or special occasions, only ever get in touch when they want something or just never express any interest whatsoever in our lives.
These are the people I’m beginning to refer to as ‘the takers’.
I don’t think I’m alone when I say that I know a few of these people. And although it saddens me to think of some people in that way, I’m beginning to realise that sometimes you just have to face what you might not want to accept:
If it’s not to do with them, some people, many people, just don’t give a s**t.
Every relationship is a two-way thing so effort, love and support has to be demonstrated by both parties for it to work. If it’s only ever one person putting in the effort, no relationship – no matter how much fun it may seem to be – can last, for the balance is all wrong.
So, how do you spot if you have a taker in your midst? Well here are a few tell-tale signs I’ve figured out over the years:
1) Takers only ever want to talk about themselves.
If you have a friend or loved one who constantly shifts the conversation to themselves and never asks you questions about your life, take heed! It’s a big giveaway.
2) Takers only make effort when they want something or when they’re lonely.
I’ve known plenty of women who as soon as they get a new man dump their friends only to come grovelling back when they’re single again. These are takers. So are the people who only ever get in touch when they need your support, experience, skills, love, money or friendship.
3) Takers treat you poorly but say they love you.
This is a classic. I love words, can’t get enough of ’em. But when it comes to people, always judge them by their actions not by what they tell you. It’s very easy for anyone to say I love you or tell you that you’re their best friend. Very easy. But if their actions rarely match up with what they say, they’re takers.
4) Takers don’t do long relationships, with anyone.
We should always give people the benefit of the doubt, but if you meet someone and they have very few long standing friends or are constantly falling out with relatives or in and out of relationships with men, that’s a big red flag right there.
5) Takers always play the victim.
You’ll often find that the people who give the least are the very ones who expect the most from others. Twisted I know. They are what I call ‘life’s victims.’ They never do anything wrong, never take responsibility for their actions and spend all their time complaining, bitching and whinging about others. They’re also incredibly jealous about other people’s happiness and success.
So have these insights began to ring some bells? Well, if like me, you know a few takers, here’s my advice to you:
Don’t let their behaviour grind you down and if it carries on, walk away. Takers are like leeches, they suck the life force out of people, making us feel sad, disappointed, rejected and hurt.
So spend as little time with them as possible and instead, surround yourself with happier, more positive and loving people. Otherwise known as the givers.
These are the friends and loved ones who are always there for you (as much as they can be), are happy when you’re happy and play an active and supportive role in your life. The world is inhabited by millions of amazing people. So if someone isn’t treating you right, just cut ’em loose and say goodbye.
And if you’ve just realised that you yourself are a taker, well, you know, it’s never too late to change.
If you want to end up sad and lonely, just carry on treating people the way you do. Don’t quite fancy it? Well start putting in some effort. You’ll be amazed at how much better life and your relationships will be.
Till the next time,
What do you think? Is the world full of takers? Which camp are you in? I’d love to know your thoughts on this, so if you’ve something to add, please do leave a comment below :-)