FIVE QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF ABOUT ANYONE

A FEW weeks ago I wrote a post about walking away from people.

From those who make you miserable, treat you shoddily or fill your world with negativity.

The post received quite the response (thanks everyone!) and is still attracting comments, even as I type.

So today, I thought I’d carry on the ‘walking away’ theme and give us all some food for thought on this sunny Friday. Myself totally included.

Because often it’s hard to figure out who a person is or to know if we we should keep someone in our lives.

People make genuine mistakes. People get things wrong. People do silly things when they’re hurting.

But if like me, sometimes you find yourself wondering about a particular person, racking your brains over this and that, trying to decipher what the hell is going on with them and their behaviour towards you… then here are five thought-provoking questions to ask yourself.

 

Questions

 

Do you feel good around them?

Do you?

Do you pick up good vibes? Do they make you laugh? Do you find yourself smiling a lot when you’re with them? And the biggie out of the bunch, do you feel comfortable?

Or, do you not? Do they make you feel tense, on edge, stressed or awkward?

Never ignore the feelings you get when you are with someone. Never ignore your instinct.

If someone gets your heckles up or you feel out of sorts when you’re with someone, pay attention. It may just tell you everything you need to know.

 

Do you give more than you receive?

Any relationship, any good, respectful relationship should have balance. It’s a two way street after all.

Sure there will be times when one of you needs to ‘give’ more than the other, in times of need for example but on the whole it should be equal.

So think about it.

Is it always you making the effort? Do they always hog the conversation? Are you always the one arranging get togethers? Does someone only ever contact you if they need something?

Not sure?

No problem. Grab your phone and do this for me. Look at your communication. Read your text messages and check your emails. Look at your phone call log.

If your texts are more frequent, if it’s always you initiating contact, if they never call you, then the balance is totally out of whack.

 

Do you look forward to seeing or hearing from them?

Years ago I used to find myself dreading phone calls from a particular person. And my heart would sink when I saw their name pop up on my phone.

It took me a while to figure out why, but essentially, I didn’t enjoy their company nor did they make me feel good.

If you ever find yourself dreading meeting up with someone or ignoring a person’s calls, then something is very, very wrong.

 

Do they have integrity?

Can you trust them? Do they have your best interests at heart? Are they a good person?

Do they call when they say they will? Are they real and authentic? Do they do what they say they’re going to do? Do you know what their values are and do they live by them?

And the killer one (which always works for me!) – do their actions match their words?

If you found yourself answering no to some of these questions, then you might want to rethink their role in your life.

 

Do they support and love you?

People make errors of judgment. People fail. People get caught up in their lives.

But yet somehow with everyone important in your life, you should be able to answer this easily, with no doubt and a big fat, confident hell yeah of a YES.

Can’t answer it?

Well here are some more things to think about:

Do they support you when you need them? Are they there for you in the bad times? Do they celebrate the good times with you?

Do they listen? Do they care about your feelings? Can you be yourself with them, safe in the knowledge that even on your worst days, they’ll still love the very bones of you?

Our lives should only be filled with people who truly love us – family, friends, partners. Nothing less will do.

So if someone is treating you less than you deserve or if you’re in any doubt about how they feel about you at all, then here’s what you need to do….

Protect yourself, respect your worth and grab your bags and just. keep. walking. (With your chin up and your head high.)

 

With love,

Kate

Lips

 

 

 

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31 Discussions on
“FIVE QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF ABOUT ANYONE”
  • Love, love, love this! It’s important to cut negative people, but sometimes its hard to know if its your problem or theirs. These tips are a great way to evaluate your relationships and see if there is a problem, or if you are maybe being a little paranoid. Thank you :) #thelist
    Debbie

  • Oh yes, wise and beautiful Katie. It seems like common sense, especially when seen written down in black and white – but it can be so difficult to do. I guess it’s something in how we’re programmed, even if maintaining contact with them is to our detriment. ‘Toxic’ is how they’re known I think…life’s too short for people who drain you. Good checklist to help us make sure we’re looking after ourselves xxx

    • Thank you my lovely friend. Not easy it is? Personally – as a medium also once told me(!) – my gut instinct is usually spot on when it comes to a person. However sadly, I often ignore it or put it out of my mind. The truth can also be painful to see sometimes, which is why I think these questions could be a good place for us to start from, to help make us think and see clearly. I do hope so anyway! xxx

  • This is such a great post! I find it so hard to walk away from negative people but reading this reminds me why it’s so important to have positive relationships in my life. Thank you! Hx #TheList

    • Thanks Helen. I read once that we become the sum of ‘the five people we spend most of our time with’. I think if we thought more about that sometimes, we’d probably all be a little wiser when it comes to choosing whom we let in our circle and whom we don’t. x

  • Wise words. Making the decision to walk away can be hard and often we ignore the signs, the clues, the indicators, because to walk away can be scary and daunting. It is the right decision in the end though. Your tips are wise ones. Thanks for your post. x

    • Thanks so much Pen! Oh if I could only turn back the clock and pay closer attention to the signs and clues that some people have shown, that have demonstrated who they really are! Would definitely have saved me some heartbreak that’s for sure. :) I guess the key is to pay attention and trust our instincts. If something about a person is off, more times than not, we absolutely know. (Even if we don’t want to admit it) x

  • What another lovely post! I love your insights into things and they’re always so accurate. I have several people I dread seeing coming up on my phone, but I’m always too nice and carry on being their friend. I think it’s time to be nice to me. Surrounding yourself with positive people is so much better. x

    • Thank you so much Chloe, you’ve made my morning. :-) As I often say, it’s nice to be nice, but it’s just as important to be nice to ourselves too. That we must never forget. :) Good luck! x

  • Wonderful post darling Katie (and oh how I’ve missed you might I say!). It’s so important to feel strong and supported and loved around people, and not to allow toxic people to drain your energy. I do also think that it’s important to look at what patterns we create ourselves, and how we may actually allow or unwittingly encourage other people’s behaviours, by always being the one who takes charge, or not telling them honestly when they offend us or are self-centered – some people may not even realise their behaviour and if we began a relationship in a good way, perhaps we can give them the opportunity to change, but if they don’t listen then they don’t deserve a space in our lives! Masses of love to you lovely friend xxxx

    • Great comment Zaz! You are absolutely bang on about the patterns we create ourselves and I do sometimes think we may keep meeting a certain type of person, if we still have important lessons to learn. Certainly there have been times when I haven’t been honest with people in the moment and probably should have been. Masses of love to you too oh wise one. xxx

  • Wonderful, well thought and written post. Very thought provoking.
    I think sometimes ‘friendships’ ‘relationships’ are kept for the wrong reasons, mainly convenience. and then we get to the point where we don’t want to be the ‘bad person’ for letting them go.

    Caroline.x
    http://www.notesfromcaroline.com

    • Thanks so much Caroline and that’s a really good point you make too! Often we don’t want to be seen as the bad person, especially if other mutual friends like that person, but from what I’ve learned over the years, it really does seem to be a must x

  • Brilliant post hon, and a point I advocate massively (as you know). I personally think it’s impossible to live a happy and fulfilled life if it contains toxic relationships that drag us down xxx

    • Thank you so much darling. Toxic relationships really do so much damage and prevent us all moving forward. Always good to weed those kind of people out and fill their spaces with beautiful, genuine people. x

    • Oh goodness, sorry to hear that Anni! You’ve just got to find ‘your people’. Not easy, but hang on in there. They will appear x

  • love this and it is so true negative people just make me feel negative and crappy In the last year or so I have been alot more aware of who I surround myself with. #sundaystars

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