You really don’t need to dig deep online before you come across dozens of articles and blog posts (like this one!) about self-love.

Hop onto FB, have a quick scroll and if you’re anything like me, before you know it, you’ll come across a quote or two, about the very topic. And if you pop the term into an Instagram search, you’ll find so much content about self-love, you’ll be spoilt for choice.

The whole world wants us all to know about it and to do more of it. Self-love is a buzz term these days and rightly so, because it’s absolutely critical to our mental health, happiness and wellbeing.

I’ve spoken many a time on here about self-love, I wrote about it in my book ‘A Little Pick Me Up’ and I’ve publicly spoken about it too. As someone who once really didn’t like herself so much, at all, I know from experience just how important self-love really is.

And yet, if I had to define it with just a few words or the simplest of sentences, I would struggle to do so. Because let’s face it, self-love covers everything. From how we speak to ourselves to how we dress. From how we allow other people to treat us to how we treat others. Even our relationship with money. Everything we are, indeed everything we do, is linked to self-love. It all stems from here.

So without it or without enough of it, life is a struggle, and I know this because I spent years in this place.  When you don’t love yourself, life becomes about survival. About getting through the day. Things appear not just difficult, but damn right impossible. Everything seems hard. Exhausting. And even bleak. How on earth can you thrive when just surviving requires so much energy and you don’t even know what that looks like anyway?

And yet, all of us have been put here on this planet to thrive as human beings. To dream, achieve, overcome, succeed and inspire others. It is your birthright just as much as it is mine.

But when your self-love is at drought levels, you don’t have the necessary water to feed those dreams, dampen that inner negative voice or to propel thoughts or ideas into action. Thriving seems a ridiculous notion.

But it is possible.

If someone had told me at twenty, that by forty, I’d actually love who I was, I would never have believed you. And yet, here I am.

So how you do get to this point? And where do you begin when you can’t even get your head around the term or understand what it means?

Well instead of telling you about my experience (although you can read about that in my book if you wish) I’m going to share a description of self-love with you, that I came across a few weeks ago. It is I think, as close to perfection as a description for this term can get. Simple and yet crystal clear.

Vex King in his book ‘Good Vibes, Good Life: How Self-Love Is The Key To Unlocking Your Greatness,’ (which is well worth a read btw) said this:

“Self-love is about…having your own best interests at heart.”

When I read these words, I swear, it wasn’t one lightbulb that went off for me, it was a dozen. Finally someone had nailed what self-love really is. This explanation may not speak to you (although I sincerely hope it does ) but it sure as hell spoke to me.

Because ‘having your own best interests at heart’ covers pretty much anything you can think of in regards to how you look after or treat yourself. It is the very essence of self-love.

It means not spending too much money on your latest Zara online shop because you know it would better for you to put some of that money into your savings or pension pot instead. It means opting for healthier food choices whenever you can because you know this will make you feel healthier and happier in the long run. It means letting go of toxic relationships with ease, and no guilt, because you know that you deserve better.

You can apply it to easy stuff, like saying no to that extra glass of wine that your friend offers to buy you because you know you’ll suffer for it the next day. Or the big stuff. The painful, tough, challenging things we all have to deal with from time to time, such as walking away from someone you love, because they’re no good for your mental health or wellbeing.

Your own best interests at heart. To me, it is the best explanation of what self-love is and should be.

And if that still doesn’t make sense? Well try to think of it this way. When you love someone and I mean really love someone unconditionally, what do you want for them? You want the absolute best.

You wish for them to be happy, fulfilled, taken care of and loved. You want them to succeed and live a life which is good, content and happy.

This is what true love is. For another. And, for ourselves.

So if you are struggling with self-love or the lack of it, think of this. Mull it over a little, get your head around it and then plant that tiny brain seed and let it flourish.

Begin to show yourself the same kind of care, love and reverence that you do for your most precious loved ones. Start with the small stuff and keep aiming higher. Know and understand that you deserve the best, and keep working towards. Learn how to thrive, not just to survive, one teeny tiny step at a time.

Self-love is a personal never-ending journey and it’s not always an enjoyable one, but it’s much easier to get moving when you have an idea as to how to reach the destination.

Your own best interests at heart. Put these words into practice and watch your life change.