IN my life I am surrounded by beautiful, damn right fabulous women.

The kind of women that make me proud to know them. The kind of women who make juggling modern life demands seem easy. The kind of women whom I know, you would all love.

One of my good friends is one of these super women. Beautiful, clever, talented, funny and kind.

She has a creative and demanding job. She’s a mum, wife, daughter and friend.

She has it all.

But she’s worried about hitting the big 40. And she’s fearful about getting older.

Not so far off forty myself, I admit I have a few little niggles too about my next impending milestone. It’s only natural I guess.

But I ask you, why is a number so important to us?

Why are we so fearful of ageing?

Why do we think getting older is something to be sad about?

I looked at my stunning friend the other day and I listened to her fears. I heard what she was saying and I absolutely understood.

But it didn’t half make me feel a little sad.

Because she doesn’t see what I see.

She doesn’t see, that I see, a beauty of a woman in the prime of her life.

She doesn’t see ,that I see, a woman who is becoming wiser, more talented and more brilliant with every passing year.

She doesn’t see, that she truly has got it all.

And that a number, even one that starts with a four at the beginning, really won’t change anything.

Because it won’t.

At forty and beyond I have absolutely no doubt that she will still be fabulous.

That she’ll still make me cry with laughter. That she’ll still be stylish and stunning and sexy.

So why does she fear it?

And why do all of us fear getting older?

The biological clock is probably part of the reason I guess. I sure as hell can hear mine ticking loudly each day, in my mid thirties. But aren’t we more than our fertility?

And of course, the media, the lovely media, don’t help. What with all their photoshopping and criticising and stalker-ish behaviour of all famous women, young or old.

Is it because of men, do you think?

Do we fear getting old because we think we may no longer be attractive to them?

We’re continually told that the opposite sex prefer their women bouncy and youthful, with long locks and not a day over 25. But if that’s the case, how come, in my mid (exhausting) thirties, I still can get an odd appreciative glance from a man in the street.

How come lots of men think Helen Mirren, who’s nearing seventy, is the absolute bomb?

As women, we are continually being made to fear getting old, as if getting older and living more, is the worst thing that can ever happen to us.

ToDreamSuzanneFINAL 57

But I ask you ladies, isn’t this just f**king horrendous?!

Doesn’t this just make you want to shout about the injustice of it all?!

Doesn’t it just make your blood boil that the world seems to think that us women are only valuable if we’re young, beautiful and dare I say, but a little bit gullible or naive.

Haven’t we been conned and treated unfairly for long enough?!

I know of women, who have had botox in their mid twenties for goodness sake. I mean, seriously, is getting a wrinkle or two, really the worst thing that can happen to us?!

But it’s there, isn’t it?

That fear. That ticking clock. That dread. It’s there. Whether we’re angry about it or not.

And it’s not our fault. We’ve been made to feel this way.

We are continually told that ageing is something we need to fight. We are continually given the message that we are worthless when we get to a certain age.

Men – of any age – get moisturisers with positive, inspiring names like ‘facial fuel’ and ‘turbo booster’.

And us?

Well it’s all about ‘anti-ageing’ isn’t it?


What the hell does this even mean?!

But do you know something? I don’t want to look twenty again. Nor do I want to look thirty. I’m not bothered about wanting to look ‘youthful’ I just want to look like me, as I am now, but at my very best.

Because I tell you something, we should be so lucky to get older.

We should be so lucky to acquire a face full of laughter lines.

We should be so lucky to have more days on this planet to see sunsets, enjoy hot sex, wear pretty things and watch our children grow up.

We should be so lucky!

Society has made us feel fearful of getting older. Society has made older women feel invisible, forgotten and unloved.

But that doesn’t mean we have to accept it.

Nor does it mean it has to be our truth.

Isn’t it time that we stopped actually caring what number we are? Or even better, started owning our numbers with pride?

Really? Isn’t it?

Today I am 35. Next month I will turn 36.

This morning I found a single grey hair on my head and watched the light bounce off it in my bathroom mirror. Am I bothered?

Nope, not one bit.

I hope I get to be so lucky that I live to be a ripe ol’ age.

I hope that I’m still here in my forties and fifties, eighties even (!) still blogging and still telling my beautiful friends, that no matter how old they are, they’re still bloody incredible.

To me, we have two choices as women when it comes to getting older.

We can either accept it, be grateful we’re still here and choose to be and look our best, at whatever age and at whatever number we are.

Or we can fight it and try and run away from it. With surgery, lies and at great expense.

That’s our choice. Right there.

And there’s no judgement from me, either way.

But I can’t help but feel that we’d all be a lot happier and calmer if we went for the first option.

I can’t help but feel that this option is the most appealing.

So yep, this morning I did remove that fine grey hair from my tired head. And I’ve no intention of succumbing to a barnet of grey hair anytime soon.

But you know one day, when I do get quite a bit older and when I think the time is right, I’m rather looking forward to some silver locks.

And in fact, I’ve already planned that I will probably dye them pink.

Because I may then be considerably older. I may then be considerably wrinklier. But I promise you this, I’ll still be doing my absolute best, to be me, at mine.

Whatever the number. And whatever my age.


With love,






P.S If you like this, you might also like this post about body image or this post about how it’s never too late to be the woman you want to be. 

Pics: Taken by Masque Photography.

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40 Discussions on
  • Great post! I also have a friend who doesn’t like ageing, thinks she is too fat! Has two gorgeous kids and she is amazing!
    I’m turning 40 in two years and husband and I are planning a fabulous party to embrace finally being an adult 😁 And when the grey hair comes, well I’m not going to be bothered. I’ll rock a full head of grey Krystal Carrington style hahahahaha.
    Age is just a number after all and I look and feel better than I did in my 20s…

    • Amazing comment Annelie! And I’m with you, when I turn 40, I am going ALL out! Love the sound of a head full of grey too, Krystal Carrington style! Gorgeous! ;-) x

  • Do you know, when I hear women say they hate getting older I just think of my husband’s mum. She never got to be old, she was taken away from him when she was 39. Getting old is a privilege. I for one cannot wait to be old, be able to tell my grandchildren all about my life and how I lived it without regret. x

    • Wow Katy. Exactly this. My Mum fought cancer twice when I was child, less than 10 years of age and it’s always made me count my blessings and realise how bloody lucky we all are, if we’re still here and how lucky I am to still have my Mum with me x

  • Oh my, this post made me feel quite emotional! I’m 46 and apart from my constant pain with arthritis, I’m the happiest I’ve been, more so than in my twenties. I’m more confident, more fashion conscious and I think, though I say it myself a little more attractive than I was in my twenties and thirties even though I have a lot of lines and wrinkles. Our children are older now, hubby and I enjoy life to the max, because as you say, we are lucky to have the chance to grow old on this earth. My forties have been the best years yet, embrace it!.

    • Wonderful comment Steph, so thrilled to hear your forties are your best years yet (besides the constant pain) x

  • Fabulous post! Towards the end of my twenties, I had a huge panic about ‘getting old.’ But now I’m in my thirties, I feel like I know more about myself and my style, and have more confidence than I ever have. We should be living for now. Old age is coming to us all, (or as you said, those lucky enough to get there) so we shouldn’t waste valuable time worrying about it. This is the real thing, not a rehearsal! That said, I won’t be ditching my Clarins anti ageing face cream, it does make my skin feel amazing!!

    • Thanks so much! And yes, life is far too short to worry about old age. Here’s to just loving life as much as we possibly can! Thanks for the Clarins tip too! x

  • Lush post!
    I fear getting older for sure….I’m worried that the whiskers on my chin will undoubtedly explode into a fully formed beard. But superficial concerns aside, I love how my brain has matured and how my priorities have made me value things that I would have overlooked ten years ago. I love where I am in my life. Yes I have a few saddle bags to off load but I’d rather keep my 35 year old self and ride on through to my 40s with pride.
    I don’t want to turn heads anymore anyway. I’m just happy dancing down the street with my man on my arm and my whiskers dancing in the autumn breeze😄!!xxx

    • BEST COMMENT EVER! So wise and so funny.And I totally agree, although you’re right, I’m not too thrilled about the whiskers on my chin either! ;-) x

  • Amazing post. I think I struggle back and forth with accepting myself as I am, but at the same time continuing to be the best version of me (not that the two are mutually exclusive). Thanks for the reminder.

  • Brilliant post! I’ve never thought much about my number, I’m 34 (turn 35 in Jan). It’s never been an issue. I’m always saddened when I hear a woman try to hide her number. We should be proud of getting older. Well said Hun xxx

  • Hi Katie,
    Great post. I’m 45 this year and I can confirm it just gets better. As you get older you care less what people think. ( not in a horrible way but in a carefree way) it drives me mad all these 20+ year olds made to feel.that aging is bad… It’s part and parcel.of life and I for one embrace it And I’m grateful I’m still here and healthy xxx

    • Wonderful comment Tracey. Ageing is part and parcel of life as you perfectly say and I, like you, hope to enjoy getting older for a very long time to come xx

  • I’ll be 40 is just under a year. It’s big, but I am not letting it be scary. I am in an awesome place in my le – happy, healthy, loved by a wonderful man, adored by 3 amazing children and happy with my job and home. I am not rich, but I am financially secure and I have the extra cash to enjoy myself – coffee dates, shopping trips and vacations in other parts of the world. Why should I get hung-up about the size of my thighs or the wrinkles under my eyes? No one I love seems to care, so why should they bother me? I am going to embrace 40 – live it up and love it up, too. If this is middle age, then I love it!!

  • Hear hear! The only thing to fear about getting older is ill health. I turned forty this year and have never been happier. Ok, my boobs might be a bit closer to the ground than they used to be, but age has taught me not to take these things too seriously….

  • Brilliant post, Kate! I panicked a little in the run up to my 30th birthday because I was sad to leave my twenties behind but now at 31, I feel more chilled out about things. I realise I am a lot happier and settled than I felt in my twenties, and I wouldn’t want to change that for anything.
    An academic in the sociology Department I work in at Sheffield Uni has done quite a lot of research into women and ageing, and she has actively campaigned to challenge stereotypes in the media around this issue. There’s more information about the work she’s been doing here, in case you were interested in taking a look:

  • Ah the ‘age’ old question. I’ll be honest, getting old is something that plays on my mind every know and again. I love the age I am now (36 in case you were wondering) but any older seems a little scary. I can’t tell you why? It’s just one of those silly things I suppose. I don’t think I’m scared of getting old, just getting closer to death I think. Sorry morbid thought I know! As always, a great thought provoking post. Thanks for linking up to #SundayStars x

    • It’s not silly, it definitely makes sense, especially the getting closer to death bit. But…we’ve just got to try and realise how lucky we are and how age is a gift to cherish x

  • Great post good for you I know what you mean about the anti ageing messages we have shoved down our throats its always how to look younger and more youthful in the media but why not embrace your age and be just you. We all get older at some point don’t we! Thanks for linking up to #sundaystars x

  • I had no idea that men don’t have anti ageing cream! My goodness, we’ve been sold up the river haven’t we! I must admit I’ve not been too excited about approaching 40 (in 2 years time) but I am way happier with who I am now I’m older. I wouldn’t go back to my younger, unsettled days again. I know who I am and I’m happy with who I am, that can only have come with age and experience. The best bit of advice for skincare is to keep your face out of the sun, hard for a sun worshipper like me but still. Stopping by from #brilliantblogposts. Lizzie xo

    • Well they may have a couple Lizzie that do the same job, but most of their names don’t mention it! Drives me bonkers. So glad to hear you are happy with who you are and where you are in life. That’s all that matters. Not a number x

  • I needed this. I turn 40 in less than 4 weeks and have been secretly dreading it. 30 wasn’t too much of a big ordeal but I’m really struggling with the fact that i’ll soon be saying “i’m 40” #brilliantblogposts

  • Completely agree with this. I turned 35 this year and I have to say it was scary. I think for me the scary bit was connected to fertility. I have one child, and am lucky to have one. I would love another but as a single mum who had a baby on my own and with no romantic interests on the horizon, it doesn’t look likely that I will have another. I guess for me the other thing is thinking about where I am in my life and all the things I still want to achieve. However, on the plus side, at least I am still here to achieve things. As you quite rightly pointed out, age is a gift, and like many other commenters on here, I definitely feel more confident and happier in my own skin than I ever did even a few years ago, which is definitely something to celebrate!

  • So wise, I don’t know if it’s a cultural thing (Greeks value the elderly hugely) but growing older, to me, anyway and as far as my family is concerned, is a wonderful privilege and I don’t feel being mid or late 30’s or even late 60’s as being old in any way. My Grandma lived until she was 96 and was so young in spirit and outlook, she was an inspiration.

    …Life is pretty good for we ladies too. Women are having children later in life, I feel health education, and medicine too is stronger than ever and although society has a long way to go when it comes to equality, I believe we’re at a tipping point, particularly with social media and blogs just like this one, offering alternative viewpoints to mainstream media-advocating celebrating ourselves and empowering women. Go Katie. Love those pictures of you-so sensual and beautiful. I tell you what was inspiring-hearing at YouTube HQ how powerful the 60’s content creators are and how needed they are-we’ll be blogging into old age girlfriend x

  • Love this post, as I am about to turn 39 expecting our third child, I feel more confident and assured than I have ever done. Though the wrinkles are increasing and the bones are a little more creaky xxx

  • You are such an amazing ambassador for women everywhere, encouraging us to make the best of what we have and to love ourselves. I’m 42 now and truly it is no different to when I was 32. At the moment I think 50 sounds much older but by the time I get there I’m sure I won’t be worried at all.

    A life well lived and enjoyed is nothing to regret. Mich x

  • Well… here you have a comment from someone who is 61. So I know what I am talking about. Yes I have had some “work” done on me (and spilled the beans about it). But mostly I just eat healthy, exercise (hating it) and keep the same weight. I am healthy and so happy. Things have gotten so much easier. As Bronwyn commented, I have more extra cash for shopping, dining and having cappuccinos with friends. My body is better than it has ever been (apart from the saggy skin, but that is easy to hide. Or not if I choose to.). But the most important thing is what you mentioned in your post as well: the fact that people want to be with you, laugh with you, spend time with you… That is what makes you really happy. People see th whole deal: the exterior AND your character, all in one package. Not that you have fat around your waist.
    By the way, I presume that is you in the photos? Gorgeous! Absolutely stunning. Kudos to the photographer too.

    • Thank you so much for your amazing words Greetje! Love this comment so much! You’re an inspiration for sure and can I say how refreshing it is to hear women say that life only gets better. Thanks for your kind words too about the photos, very lovely of you . x

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