I AM so, so excited to bring you this very special post today!
Especially, as it’s from a dear friend of mine.
It’s rare I do guest posts on here, because you know, this blog is my baby. But when a brilliant, talented friend of mine has an idea for one, well I just can’t say no and this is no exception.
Occasionally, if you’re lucky, you come across someone in life who helps you to change as a person. And, for the better.
Someone who helps you to grow.
Someone who inspires you.
Someone who supports you in becoming the best you possible.
Mayah Riaz is one of these kind of people. After virtually meeting on Twitter many years ago, we’ve since become firm friends and so to introduce her to you all on here today and to share her words with you, is an honour.
Pouting In Heels is all about celebrating woman and Mayah is a woman who most definitely deserves to be celebrated. She’s beautiful, wise, kind, intelligent, hard working, creative and great fun. A loyal and wonderful friend.
She’s also hugely successful, running a PR and Celebrity Management agency that manages the reputation of some of the top talent in the world of business, TV and showbiz. When it comes to the press and the heady highs and damning lows of fame, no one knows it as well as her.
This letter, which she has exclusively decided to share with you guys (!) – my wonderful readers – is brutally honest, powerful and brilliant.
Having seen what fame can and has done to people, Mayah is careful about who she represents and puts in the limelight. However, this hasn’t stopped her from getting many emails and tweets from mainly young, impressionable women asking for a meeting with Mayah, in order to make them famous.
Fame has a dark side many people don’t see or realise and this letter brilliantly highlights just some of those for anyone thinking of going into it.
I really hope you enjoy it as much as I do and I urge you to share it with every woman you know – especially young women – because it has such a powerful message about fame, validation and self love.
Mayah, my darling pal, it’s over to you. X
Dear Fame Seeker,
I can almost hear the words you’ve typed to me, they read as words of desperation.
I can imagine the glistening in your eyes for a world you see all around you and want to be part of. I can sense the look of hope you have on your face for a dream you’re chasing. A dream you actually know very little about.
Take it from me, that dream cannot give you what you’re seeking, what you’re really needing and wanting – validation. It just cannot. It’s not capable.
You tell me you want fame, but you have no talent. Fame is what you’re seeking. You aspire to be like the women you read about, the ones that grace the front covers of magazine, yet you’re unsure of what you want to be known for.
So unsure that you will attempt almost anything to be on those covers. You see the glitz, you see the glamour and you see the big bright lights – but you don’t see that it’s all a game. A game you don’t know the rules of, yet.
It’s one big game and darling trust me, you’ll not win. It will eat you up, throw so much rubbish and self-doubt at you but you’ll keep going back for more as it will become the only you thing you know.
I wish so much for you, I sense a part of me in you – the part that wants to make something out of her life. I chose business, I chose to create and follow my own rules.
My business has allowed me to see the darkness that prevails what you dream of. I want to protect you from entering that, if you allow me to. I wouldn’t wish the type of fame you want upon my best friend, nor my worst enemy.
You’re somebody’s daughter, somebody’s sister, somebody’s precious being but above all, I want you to realize that you’re so much more than the headlines you want to create.
I can see what you need; you need guidance, love, cherishing but above all, you need protecting.
Your naïve eyes see the £ signs, the designer handbags, the beauty, the adoration, the red carpet events, the designer dresses. You are in need of what we all want – validation. But you’re seeking for it completely the wrong place and for the wrong kind.
Validation comes from within.
Surround yourself with loved ones, those who already know your worth and can help you see it. Look deep inside yourself, look at the beautiful person staring back at you in the mirror. If you’re doubting your beauty already, the media will give you a lifetime worth of doubts.
They will show you a perception of beauty you cannot attain, they will show you airbrushed images of women as reality. Look deep inside yourself to realize your own worth before they will enforce theirs upon you so that theirs will become yours. You can be anything you want to be – anything.
You’re powerful beyond measure.
Tell me this; what do you really want from fame? If it’s for the adoration, the big bright lights, everyone knowing your name, then darling, I hate to break it to you, but it won’t stand up to the hype.
Whilst you choose to see the glitz and glamour of fame, just listen to me whilst I tell you the reality.
I understand you may choose to ignore my words, I too thought I knew it all. But I hope you can close your eyes for a moment and let my words sink in. Sure there are the fabulous parties, the fashion shows, the free stuff and everyone shouting your name when you walk down the red carpet. But there’s a darker side.
The media will big you up so high when they want and then throw you down so fast when they’re done with you. You’ll not find loyalty, not by the media, nor by your friends.
As for friends, you had better hope you’ve found your real friends before fame hits, because there’ll be no such thing as real friendship after it. You’ll have friends and then you’ll have “friends”, I wish you luck in being able to tell the difference between the two. You won’t be able to at first but after being burnt a few times, you’ll get better at it. Not perfect, but better.
You’ll have the press trawling through your bins – anything for a story. The friends from school, those you lost touch with, they’ll start making their way back into your life. Either directly or by selling stories of you to the press – doesn’t matter if it’s not true, everyone knows you’re not going to sue. You’re the public’s property, the press know it and ultimately you will begin to know it too.
But in your line of work, you’re going to need the press so you might as well suck it all up and smile your way through the betrayal. Falling out with the press isn’t an option you want to pursue.
Once you’ve entered the fame game, you won’t be able to leave so easily.
Every mistake you make, the world will know of it. Every tweet you send, they will find an alternative meaning for. When it’s a slow news day you’re an easy target. But don’t despair too much, because you’ll get very good at playing the press too; you’ll become an expert on what to say or do to get yourself the column inches.
Then there are the ex-partners, they’ll be quick to talk to the press of their version of your relationship and you can guarantee it won’t be a version you recognize. Boring doesn’t sell but as they say, why let the truth get in the way of a good story?
The life you had before will be sensationalized.
Your friends and family will have offers of huge payments made in exchange for stories on you. Can you trust they won’t be tempted by the £ signs – after all, you were! There’ll always be someone else gaining more column inches than you so the game will start again until you lose sense of who you really are.
It will leave you Googling your self-worth because you will have forgotten who you were before fame became your life. It will have you grabbing headlines, but destroying yourself by reading comments about yourself from people who don’t know you.
Your body will be photographed often, written about unfavorable and judged freely. You will be defined by what you wear. Your bad days will be public knowledge and there will be no such thing as a private life because you’re considered public property.
You will get to know the paparazzi by name or recognize their faces. You’ll see them at celebrity events shouting your name, but you’ll also encounter them at your most private and precious outings, flashing the camera in your face. You can’t choose when to have them in your life.
If you have something you want to keep secret, they will know about it and stand outside your house for a story or a photo.
Nothing is private. Your secrets, they can’t be trusted to anyone.
Fame is a lonely occupation if you have no talent because you have nothing to fall back on.
But if you’re wanting fame for the designer handbags, the posh hotels and jetting around the world, well darling, that’s easy – make your own money! Come and talk to me about that. I’ll tell you how that’s done. Trust me, it’s much more rewarding.
I don’t mean to scare you, but I want you to see how it really is. Do you still want it? Is it still just as appealing?
Find a talent, develop it, work on being the best at it and if it brings fame then you’re a little safer. That’s where longevity lies. That’s where I come in, I can make your 15 minutes last much longer, but I really need you to have substance. Either way, you’ll need a tough skin.
Now you know, please pursue your choices wisely. You can’t always go back so easily, you’ll get wrapped up so much that you’ll not be able to find your way back. That’s no way to make a life for yourself.
I wish you a very good life – a life you live on your own terms.
I told you. It’s a belter isn’t it?! If you loved Mayah’s letter please do pop over to her new blog ‘Virtually A-Mayah-zing’ which has just launched today and show her some love!
Also, make sure you take a look at her super Five Year Plan Workshops (I’ll be attending one myself very soon!) that she is now holding across the UK too, because I think you will love them.
Thank you Mayah! xxx
This post is linked to #SundayStars
US women have a tough ol time’ getting by in this world I reckon.
We’re critiqued, we’re pulled apart, we’re pitted against each other.
We’re told how we should look, how we should dress, how we should behave.
The pressure is endless and it all adds up to this message: “You’re not good enough.”
If like me, sometimes you find yourself thinking this very thing and a bit too often for your liking, then read on my friends.
This letter is for you. And me. (Cos I need a good slap in the face sometimes too, or at least a gentle reminder that actually, all things considered, I’m actually ok really).
Where did it all begin ey? When did you start to hear that nagging, criticising voice inside your head that tells you that you’re not good enough? That you’re failing.
Do you think it begins when we hit puberty? Is it the media’s fault, all those photoshopped images of obscenely beautiful women we’re surrounded by and forced to look at continually. Is it because we are always taught as women and young girls, to be nice?
Perhaps it’s our parents’ fault. Did they not tell us that we are good enough? Or did we just fail to hear them or take any notice when they did?
Shall I let you into a secret?
There are many days in my life when I feel that I’m not good enough. I wish that wasn’t the case but it’s true.
I fight these days of course, like we all do, but there are times like when I’ve had not enough sleep or I’m struggling a bit with life, when that voice comes up from the deep and I struggle to silence it. To put a lid on it and kill the noise.
And if I’m not careful, the worse thing is I can start to believe it.
There are some days when I feel like a total, big fat failure. There are days when I feel that I’m not a good enough mum. Or wife. Or friend. Or human being.
There are days when I feel ugly, useless and untalented. I read my old blog posts and I think they’re crap. I look at my life and think I can and should do better. I think of the people I love and can only think of the times I might have failed them or let them down. I forget about all the good stuff and I focus on the rubbish.
And do you know what. It’s just so damn exhausting.
Are you with me?
It’s tiring putting up a fight isn’t it? It’s tiring to drag your sorry self out of bed sometimes and fight that nasty little voice. But yet fight it we must if we want to claim our place on this crazy ol’ planet and live a happy life.
We can’t let this feeling, this thread that exists throughout society which tells us we’re not good enough, to win. To strangle us. To make us trip up.
We just can’t. And I’ll tell you why.
Because it’s a lie my lovely friend. Because it’s nothing but a load of ol’ codswallop (damn, I love this word!) and it’s time we told it so. It’s time we told the ‘you’re not good enough voices’ where they can stick that message. The message which continually tries to undermine us and everything we try and do.
I don’t know where or how it begins. I just can’t figure it out.
I look at my daughter who is two and all I see is majesty and beauty. The thought of her ever thinking she is not good enough in any way tears at my soul. It is just unthinkable, because to me she is MORE than good enough. She is indeed everything.
She is light and joy and energy and love and everything wondrous that has even been or ever will be. To me anyway.
And even though I know it can feel impossible, I really think it’s time we begin to tell ourselves this too, and often.
To have the courage to whisper to ourselves that we are good enough. To believe that we are special.
You and I are different of course, but essentially we are the same. We may have different needs, different talents, different lives but we all have something to offer. We all deserve to be happy. We all have a desire to be valued and loved.
It’s not about looks, or talent. Of how much money you have or how big your house is.
It’s about realising that we are just as good as anyone else. That we are good enough as we are. And that even with a myriad of flaws, we are ok.
If no one has ever told you this, I hope you’ll at least take this from me and know that what I’m telling you, is the truth.
It’s ok to be scared. It’s ok to have self doubt and it’s brilliant to want to improve those areas of yourself that you’d like to change, but it’s not ok to think for one second that somehow you are not good enough. That for some reason you don’t make life’s grade.
So what should you do next time when that voice pops up in your head and you struggle to turn its volume down?
Well you do what you can only do to rude, overbearing voices which won’t let you get a word in edgeways. You reserve your words and use a physical gesture instead. Simple, to the point and very effective.
No worry about getting your words twisted here. Simply give it the middle finger and wait for it to shrink back to it’s nasty little hole. Or failing that come and see me and I’ll give it a piece of my mind instead.
It’s time to ignore the shit we are continually fed and it’s time to start smelling a sweeter kind of truth.
Because you are more than good enough, regardless of what that voice or anyone else tells you my friend. You really, really are.
And so am I.
Hello! I'm Kate - an award winning family & lifestyle blogger, freelance writer & mum.
1st book & 2nd baby both due in 2017. (Yep, I'm a little excited.)
Here I share my tales of how I try to strut my way - but often find myself hobbling (don't we all?!) - through life & parenting.
I do hope you'll enjoy what you read. Thanks so much for popping by. x