YESTERDAY I got the wobbles.
It was a wibbly, wobbly kind of day. Not in the physical sense of course (I am NOT a jelly) but in the emotional, spiritual sense.
I’ve not had one of these feeling-out-of-sorts kind of days for a while. A long while in fact. So it came as quite a bit of a shock.
What the hell is going on here, I thought?! Doubt. That’s what.
Doubt with a capital D.
Doubt in flashing lights.
Doubt in the room, in my head, it’s sirens blaring.
Recently, I’ve been having one of those lovely rides you get in life sometimes, when everything seems to be coming together and working out just perfectly.
You know the ones I mean, right?
Those rides that have clear direction, a strong purpose, accompanied by calm seas and blue skies.
For weeks I’ve been riding high on life, feeling confident, determined and happy. And then just when I thought, just when I believed, I had it all figured out (silly me), bamn…
I was thrown of my magical carpet ride with no warning and heading back down to earth with a thump.
So what did I do yesterday when I got the wobbles?
Well I did the only thing you can do when you feel the ground is unstable.
Pretty much nothing.
I focused on trying to keep some balance. I focused on not letting it knock me down. “This is ok Kate. Just hang on in there girl!”
But it sure wasn’t pleasant.
I doubted everything and anything as my life and focus became a great big muddle of mess.
Like a broken record – “is this what I want? what am I doing? what kind of people do I want in my life? will this work? am I sure I want to do this?” – went round and round and round, spinning on repeat inside my head.
But then, finally, just before I entered the land of nod last night, the wobbles stopped and my confusion cleared.
With my rose tinted glasses off (and smashed to smithereens by the mental tremors) I could finally see.
I had clarity.
I could see that my loyal friend fear was back, barging in without a welcome.
I could see that my self belief was wavering.
And I could see that my inner voice, had taken to shouting, at the top of its lungs, because I’d been ignoring it’s gentle whispers of wisdom.
Doubt is a weed.
A dark mental weed that like all weeds will spread and tangle and strangle, if you don’t take action.
It will tangle your thoughts.
It will strangle your self belief.
It will spread everywhere and can penetrate everything, even the most seemingly indestructible of minds. Pushing up, making the ground unstable, giving us those awful wibble wobbles, forcing us to feel uneasy.
Sometimes, sometimes, we need things to shake us to our very core.
Sometimes, we have to do the work that is required, so we can make our minds tidy again.
Sometimes the ground has to become unstable, for us to work on making our foundations solid.
Doubt, just like any other weed, has its purpose.
Well, thankfully, it’s not speaking to me today. Today, it appears to have gone back underground.
But let me tell you, those wibble wobbles of yesterday?
They haven’t half done me a favour.
Because my path – my future path – albeit incredibly messy today, has never looked clearer.
In fact, if I look really hard, I’m sure I can see a unicorn waiting for me, right at the very bottom, ready to take me on my next adventure.
Just a little reminder that I’ve been shortlisted for the BiBs2015. Please vote for ‘Pouting In Heels’ under the WRITER category, if you like my ramblings, rants and words. Thank you! x