Why her and not me?! Why is another woman’s success such a bitter pill to swallow?
THIS is the question too many women ask themselves far too often.
And not in the healthy, “hmmmm, I wonder why?…” pondering kind of way.
But in the, “I’m jealous, disgruntled, hate-her-guts kind of way.”
We’ve all done it and I’ll be the first to hold my hand up and say yeeeees, I’ve made this mistake on occasion in the past.
But why do we do it?
Why is it so hard for some women to be happy for another woman’s success? Why do so many women find it hard to say anything pleasant or complimentary about another woman or their achievements?
Do we really hate and despise each other that much?!
I don’t think we do.
I refuse to believe that this is the case.
However, I do think that women are taught from a young age, to be wary of their female friends and to view them as threats and competition.
Sad but unfortunately true.
A couple of years ago I had the absolute pleasure of listening to Germaine Greer speak in my local town.
So much of what she said, has stayed with me, but one thing in particular, stood out.
She spoke about women, often being their worst enemies and how as an oppressed group of people, we have turned on each other instead of fighting the very system or people who oppress us.
And how, by women doing exactly this, we are contributing and have contributed to our own oppression.
I’ll repeat.
Women – we are contributing to our own oppression!”
Makes you think doesn’t it?
This is one of the main reasons why, I believe, so many of us often find it impossible to be genuinely happy for another woman.
It’s so not much that we don’t want her to have something, to have IT, but that we want IT for ourselves.
And if we can’t steal IT?
If we can’t steal her brains, beauty, achievements, life or charisma?
Well we can always refuse to acknowledge it. We can refuse to celebrate her. We can ignore her. We can keep schtum.
Or worse, we can mock or gossip about her. We can berate her and her choices.
Over the past couple of years this blog has started to bring all kinds of incredible opportunities my way and I’ve achieved some pretty wonderful things.
And during this time, as life has become more exciting and fulfilling for me, I have noticed something.
I have noticed a pattern which has worked out, time and time again. About women and their behaviour, which is this.
Women – in my experience – tend to fall in two camps.
They will either celebrate with you, congratulate you and make you feel brilliant and awesome.
Or…
They will say nothing, absolutely nothing at all.
This blog has seen me win an award, feature in the national press as a cover girl and achieve a career ambition of having my work published on The Huffington Post.
Am I bragging?
No, I’m not.
But yet, simply by mentioning these things, I already instinctively know that some of you may have a problem with this.
That some of you may hate me right this very second.
That some of you may feel envy.
That some of you will be wishing I’d just shut up about my ‘success’ because you find it offensive.
Is it you?
Do you hate me a little?
Are you sat there thinking; “Why you?! Why has this stuff happened to you?! Why YOU, and not me?!”
If it is and you are, hey, look, it’s ok.
I understand.
But, before you switch off, please listen. Just for a few moments.
Because I need to tell you that among these highs that I’ve celebrated, I’ve also experienced many lows.
That among the blogging highlights, I’ve had periods of feeling lost, confused and like a failure.
Because I need you to know that it’s taken a very long time to get to where I am now. As well as plenty of hard work, dedication and self belief.
Because I need you to understand that it hasn’t been easy. That I haven’t been given all of this. That I’ve had to go out there and earn it.
And that without the support of some of my closest female friends and blogging pals, I’d have shut up shop on this blog of mine yonks ago.
Finally, I need you to realise that you too will get your moment to shine.
That good stuff happens to all of us. At different times.
That sometimes it will be your turn to shine. And other times it will be mine.
So why can’t you let another woman have their moment in the spotlight?
Do you think that by trying to snuff another woman’s light out, it will make yours stronger?
Do you think that by trying to deny another woman’s blossoming, your bloom will fade in comparison?
Because if you do. If you really do, then my oh my, you’ve got this so very wrong. Because this is not how it works. Trust me, it’s not.
I have learned that:
If you support, encourage and champion other women, you will find that more women will champion you.
If you do your best to be happy for another woman, you will become happier as a result.
If you try and boost a woman’s shine by celebrating her life or achievements, your shine will continue to shine, probably even brighter than before.
Call it karma. Call it goodness. Call it sisterhood.
Call it whatever you damn well want.
But this is how it works. This is the magic that can happen when we support and love each other. It is your duty as a woman to help other women shine. And it is also a wonderful thing to do.
So, don’t be a light snuffer. Don’t be a person who tries to clip somebody’s wings.
Don’t be that woman always ready to pop another woman’s balloon.
It’s not sisterly, it doesn’t help our cause and it sure as hell, won’t make your light shine any brighter.
No matter how hard you try or how often you get your pin ready.
Just imagine how bright our overall light could become if we all celebrated one another.
——–
With love,
Kate
This post is linked to #AllAboutYou and #BrilliantBlogPosts
Absolutely love this hun, I’m so lucky to have the most supportive friends and family around me, and bloggers such as yourself who want to best for others.
I think envy is totally normal and natural, we all feel it, we’re human after all, but it’s sad when people become jealous and twisted and want to tear others down that becomes concerning. I tend to cut those types off and out of my life.
Life is too short for the ‘dementors’ as I call them (Harry P reference).
Well done lady on all you’ve achieved and will continue to darling.
As my mother drummed into me from the age of 2, ‘women together are strong’, I’m surrounded by over-achieving women in my family and among my close friends, women who’ve got MBE’s, are film stars, feature filmmakers, brilliant bloggers, business owners, entrepreneurs, and I feel utterly amazing and inspired having them in my life. It makes me feel so proud to be their friend. Healthy competition should be just that, ‘healthy’, it should spur people on, we all have our own journey, and unique, worthy voice and the more we support and champion one another, the happier we will all be. Love this x
Ooh the ‘dementors’! Great name for them. Spot on with life being short, our time here is so precious and the world is filled with billions of people so it’s truly bonkers to hold on to those who do nothing good or joyful for your spirit. As I’ve told you before, I adore your Mum’s advice – I truly hope that is a message Elsie will take from me. And thank YOU, for being a supportive, loyal and inspirational blogging friend. x
Kate, this is such a great post! I’ve started to avoid a few people who bang on about being ‘people champions’ but are actually insecure, dispiriting, negative nellies despite all the chat- and feel much better for it! I see me being in competition with myself to do better, not anyone else, and am more than happy to celebrate someone’s achievements, or share a great blog post. Just wait until the BIBs Shortlists are announced- there will be so much bitching and sniping behind the scenes at who should or shouldn’t ‘deserve’ to be there. I will be definitely be avoiding that! x
Ah yes…it will be interesting! True what you say about ‘people champions’ too because like you, I’ve come across a few people who say they support women etc etc and yet often they are the worst culprits. Like you, i’m in competition with myself – to do better – so celebrating someone else’s achievement now comes very easily to me. Thanks for your super comment x
Oh lovely Katie you have hit the nail on the head yet again. Envy is a very old emotion, and women in particular like to sharpen the old talons against each other. Like you, I’ve been there, and it makes me feel really guilty now! Also like you, I have had things to celebrate recently, I am proud of my achievements, and there may be some who feel I am bragging (I’m really not, I’ve had the lowest of the low moments). Supporting one another – male or female – is just the right thing to do. Congratulating each other, sharing inspiration and ideas, bouncing off each other rather than competing against each other helps ourselves in the end, surely? Envy just takes up energy. By supporting each other, we make each others’ lights shine brighter xxx
Yes Leigh! Yes! Spot on. It is the RIGHT thing to do. x p.s You deserve to be incredibly proud of all of your achievements, don’t ever forget you’re a huge inspiration to so many, myself included. x
THIS. So totally and utterly THIS. You have hit the nail on the head! People really don’t know what you have gone through in your life to get to where you are. So well written, and so very, very true xx
Thank you. THANK YOU! So often people think that anyone who has achieved something has had it handed to them on a plate but it’s never ever the case. x
Like Vicki I feel so privileged to have such a wonderful group of blogging friends that are clever, successful and so supportive of each other – you included my dear – and I will continue to champion other bloggers – men and women – because that’s what makes the blogging community such a fabulous place to be most of the time. The naysayers and even nothing-sayers are missing out on the fabulous warmth, love and yes karma that flows back from being supportive of others. Lovely post darling that I wholeheartedly agree with xx
Thank you darling. Agree – being supportive and kind – is the best kind of karma to have and not just in the blogging community! x
Oh my gosh Katie, you’re writing goes from strength to strength. This post holds such an important message for all of us to read and re-read. Some of the women friends I’m most inspired by in my life, are massively high achievers. But one of the things that stands out about them, is their ability to offer support and guidance to other women. In a couple of instances I could be wracked with envy at all they’ve achieved and all the trappings that go along with success, and there are moments – I’m only human – but pushing those feelings aside and nurturing those friendships is by far the best route every time. Looking to successful women for inspiration, asking them for mentorship, simply being their for them and in return, them for you is the way to having a happy and contented life.
Yes! Totally and utterly agree with everything you say here. Reminds me of something that Oprah Winfrey said a while ago. She said, in a nutshell, that you can always tell whom the truly successful women are, or those who will be successful, because they are the ones that WANT to help inspire other women, they are the ones who go out of they way to HELP other women. She said this is the key indicator to a truly successful woman over a wannabe. x p.s And thank you!
Great post! Thanks to Leigh for sharing it on her FB page. I can relate. In my twenties I was looking great but was terribly insecure and felt threatened by other women (thanks to a dad who ran off with numerous other women before leaving us), if my hubby so much as glanced the wrong way I’d think he was about to be ‘stolen’. Yet now I’ve a post-baby body and pushing forty and I couldn’t give a hoot! I genuinely compliment other women for having what I don’t have – be that in looks or holidays or whatever – I’ve realised that we’re not all out to get each other!
That’s great to hear!Age brings wisdom doesn’t it?! Glad to hear you’re in a happier, more confident place! Thanks ever so much for stopping by and thank you Leigh! x
Oh Katie, such a wonderful post, just wish the women from group number two see this! I am so proud of you and what you have achieved, and so happy to call you my friend. I agree it is such a shame that women in general are like this and are jealous of what others have achieved. Go girl! And extra thanks for supporting me for #swimathon15 xxx
They probably have / will, but no doubt will leave no comment ;-) Thank you darling,for all of your support. Women really are stronger together and you – and all the other lovely blogging gals I’ve met – prove this time and time again. x p.s You’re SO welcome, you absolutely deserve it. Proud of you!
Brilliant post Kate, and clearly one that will resonate with a lot of women! We’ve all been there, feeling envious or ‘hard-done-by’ because another woman has achieved what we desire – whether that is professionally or personally – but we sisters need to stick together! I realise this more and more as I get older. As you say, it doesn’t make you any happier if you resent someone else’s success. On the flip side, it can be pretty upsetting when you feel like there are one or two people in your life who you know won’t celebrate in your success, so you end up keeping it to yourself, afraid to share any happy news because you fear it will be met with ignorance or, worse, sniping from them (well, that’s a situation I’ve been in recently). xx
Thanks Jen, that’s the craziest thing of all isn’t it?! That actually not being happy for someone doesn’t do anything for us! We gain nothing for it, and in actual fact makes us feel rotten. Sorry to hear about your recent situation – don’t ever be afraid to share your happy news though! You have every right to celebrate and share it x
I genuinely do not get the jealousy thing, coupled with the subsequent bitching/ignoring. I went to a girls’ school, and I never got it then. And as you can imagine, it was rife.
I have no idea if anyone has ever frozen me out because of my success (because Katie, I am truly living the dream right now *insert sarcasm here*. Actually, I love my life at the moment – it is amazing. But I digress).
I find that you get the best out of people (men, women, children, anyone) if you give them the best of you and make them feel the best you can. It works every time. And you know what? It actually makes YOU feel great when you’re being lovely to people, boosting them up, making them feel good.
So all of this silence and bitching around successful people is totally flawed. Good on you for actually saying it so eloquently, hon. *enthusiastic applause* xx
It’s bonkers isn’t it?! I love what you say about getting the best out of people, because you’re absolutely right! We all need to give people ‘the best of us’! Love it! Thanks for your super duper comment as always. I love hearing what you’ve got to say x (And you always make me chuckle) *enthusiastic applause*
YES!
I had this alot and not just about successes either! Being the first married within my circle was the first tine I experienced it, not so supportive when I was the first divorced too!
Then the woman that didn’t want children had a child first, that was tricky for all kinds of reasons.
My work causes and status of a working mum causes the most controversy with reactions that simply baffle me. Everyone seems to forget I work hard to have the job I have. There’s some brilliant highs but there’s not so great times too, but the support is inconsistent and together with when there’s interest or not.
Really enjoying your reading your posts.
Gosh it’s sad isn’t it? And also really frustrating! Women in general have such amazing qualities – we’re nurturers, protectors, teachers, carers etc – but when it comes to other women, sometimes some of us just develop into awful, unrecognisable green eyed monsters! I experienced similar to you when I got married and also after having a baby. Then came the blog and well you know what happens with that.
All we can do is keep doing what we do and help support other women the best way we can.x
This is a bloody fantastic post! I discovered your blog via Leigh and it’s so great!
I’ve had a Madeleine Albright quote pinned on my desk for about a year
“There is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.”
(Keynote speech at Celebrating Inspiration luncheon with the WNBA’s All-Decade Team, 2006)
Keep doing what you are doing and know that there are women like me celebrating your writing and your voice xxx
Thank you so much Beth! So chuffed you popped along for a read. I know that quote and love it! (No surprise there!) Thanks for celebrating me :) x
I read posts like this, hearing of your successes and it makes me feel inspired. I am not going to lie and say I haven’t felt jealous of others in the past but I am past that now. I see we are better together and I am very much all about celebrating and congratulating others on their achievements. Your blog is amazing and you make me want to be just as fab xx
Thank you Katy! You know your blog is absolutely awesome too right?! :) x
Brilliant words!
I went to an all girls school then became a Midwife. My life has been surrounded by girls then women. I have never understood envious women who make being a woman so much more difficult than it already is!
I have only ever wanted to be an individual and earn my own success, seeing the success of others only as an inspiration to better myself and celebrate with them! I am very lucky to celebrate each woman’s individual miracle each and every day I go to work.
Well done to you on all your achievements. And to all the women out there achieving something every single day, whether that be winning awards or just making it through the day with a baby and a shred of sanity intact!
Yes! I love this comment Hannah. Thank you so much for giving your view on it.
Your line – “I am very lucky to celebrate each woman’s individual miracle each and every day I go to work”, will stay with me forever. Absolutely beautifully put. Thank you x
I love this and am going to share it RIGHT now. Because it is sooooo true. I sometimes feel jealous of other women but I make an effort to celebrate them because life is hard enough without having haters.
Thank you Kelly! When life is so challenging for women, it’s crazy isn’t it, that we would make it worse for ourselves?! x
This a thousand times yes Katie. I will admit to you right now there have been times in my life where I have not been a supporter of women. In my early 20s I was a downright bitch. I have been jealous of other Mums who seemed to raise their children better. I’ve hated other women who have had help from their parents be it money or childcare because I had none. I’ve been envious of other women’s looks, hair, body. You name it.
And then something changed in me when I got to about 25 I realised that by disliking these other women it wasn’t going to change my life. It just made me the jellyfish. The thief of other people’s joy.
Nowadays I have so much admiration for other women, I understand that life can be a struggle at times for everyone not just me. I see how much hard work goes into really achieving and I feel so unbelievably happy and blessed to be surrounded by other women who excel.
YOU, yes you Katie, shroud me in positivity. I could burst for you and others at what you have achieved and it only makes me want to do better and to be better and I LOVE it. It is a million times better than feeling negative.
Reading things like this makes my day and in the same way Germaine Greer’s words have stayed with you, so will your words stay with me. So thank you once again for absolute gold dust of a post. Xxx
You’re not alone Amy, I’ve certainly had my moments too, but look at how far you’ve come! Just look at how YOU are now inspiring other women with your wonderful blog and your story! Amazing!
Thank you for you wonderful, kind words – I’m absolutely blown away. Honestly, THIS is why I blog. Yes it’s nice to make a living from it, yes it’s nice to be sent lovely things, but comments like yours and meeting people like you, make my absolute day. Thank you so much x
Thank you for writing this. I work in a predominantly female job (nursing) and find I’m increasingly wary of my female colleagues in a way that I’m not with the few men I work with. Wish people could be more supportive of each other-have sadly found over the years I need to “look after myself.”
Oh goodness, Anna I’m so sorry to hear this. I think we can all relate to working with women who haven’t been very pleasant, however we’re not all bad eggs and I’m sure at some point in your career, in your future, you’ll meet some amazing women and think “yes, there you are!” :) Here’s hoping that’s as soon as possible for you. x
I’ll admit to feeling envious or jealous at one point or another, sometimes I can’t even help the feeling, sometimes I don’t know why I’m feeling that way. I think it’s the way you deal with the feelings that count. If we put those feeling aside to still celebrate and congratulate despite them. Us women have enough obstacles than hating on each other.
The line ‘don’t be a light snuffer’ sums it up perfectly for me!
Everyone has their turn to shine, if you go about putting darkness on other people’s success when it’s your turn you won’t shine as bright.
That’s brave of you to admit Becky, we’re all the same aren’t we? Jealousy, doubt, insecurity – these feelings happen to us all at times. It is only natural but as you so brilliantly say, it’s about how we deal them and learning to put them aside to support our fellow sisters and wish them well. Well done you x
This post is fabulous Kate! I try to keep the negative people out of my life, I don’t need them zapping my confidence and self belief and making me feel guilty for the good things I have in my life. Having said that I have some amazing female friends who celebrate, support and push me to achieve my goals and dreams. I enjoy being around successful people, in any sense of the word, as it encourages me to continue to work hard and succeed myself.
You my lady are truly fabulous, your posts are always amazing and full of positivity and I feel very lucky to call you a friend. You should be proud of all you have achieved and your writing. I know that by the end of your posts I’m always going to go away feeling more positive and like I can tackle anything, so thank you! Xx
Ah Franki, thank you! That makes me feel amazing! You’re definitely in camp 1 ;-) So glad to hear you have amazing female friends who make you feel like you can conquer the world. Feels good doesn’t it? x
Oh my lovely lady – head nodding and fist pumps this end after reading this. You already know my story because you’ve read my book, jealousy is something many of us have had to deal with. I truly believe that the only way we grow as people is by taking responsibility for our own failings, opening ourselves up to change, and turning things around when they need to be. The positive mindset that is required to do these things will divide the camps, and some folk just can’t do it. Instead they will often be the ones sitting in your category two. Silently scouring at us thinking ‘why does she get all the luck’? As if luck is all it is about.
You are doing a marvellous job my darling, keep up the good work. Loving these posts xxx
Yes, yes, yes! It is all about responsibility and personal growth. Thank you darling – always wonderful to hear such lovely things from you. Your journey and your personal growth is extraordinary :) x
It’s sometimes like a crab bucket, isn’t it. One tries to climb up and the others immediately try to pull her down. Misery loves company. I’ve tried to eliminate negative people out of my life and also managed to weed out almost all feelings of envy I used to feel. I’ve turned the whole thing around. I now look at more successful women as sources of inspiration, positive energy and examples for self-improvement. We should help push other women forward, not tear them down. After all, we’re sitting in the same boat.
Gosh this is a brilliant analogy. I’d never really thought about it like that, but yes you’re absolutely right. A crab bucket it is! As you say, envy happens to all of us, but it’s how we manage it and turn those feelings of insecurity, doubt and jealousy around. Like you, the past decade or so has seen me really try to see successful women as mentors and inspirers – so glad you’re managing to do the same! x*high fives* x
Wow! Hit the nail on the head!
Great post, carry on doing what you are doing!
Thank you Ellie! I’ll do my best :)
I know what you mean, I’ve certainly seen what you have described although I’m not sure if I’ve ever been the focus of envy……if I have I’m too thick skinned to notice it!
Jealousy isn’t something I have a big issue with – I know that I’m lucky though, the reason I’m not jealous is because I have a great life, husband, kids, job – I don’t need to be jealous because I have most of what I want and I know I have the skills to go out and get the things I don’t yet have. I’m often inspired by other woman especially bloggers, mothers and my friends.
Your post is inspiring but I think there are some people out there who aren’t going to be able to achieve what you have. Of course you worked hard and hard work is probably the most important factor in your achievements, but I suspect that you also have talent, flair, imagination and drive. Not everybody is capable of achieving the same as everyone else. If there are people out there who hate me because they are jealous of my achievements, I feel a bit sorry for them, I don’t think they lack sisterhood, I think they just don’t know how to be happy.
I really enjoyed your post and it definitely made me think but I guess what I’m trying to say is that it must be really hard to celebrate other people’s success when you feel like your own life isn’t so great. #SundayStars
Thanks for your super comment Morna. I think the thing to remember is that whilst some people may not be able to do everything I do, I also know for certain that there are many, many things that other people can do which I can’t! We all have our different talents, different things to contribute to the world and that’s why it’s so important to celebrate others. I understand that yes it may be difficult to celebrate the success of others when our own lives aren’t going so great, however understanding that other people and their stories can be inspiring, is the key. Thanks so much for stopping by! x
Kate – I for one think you have done fabulously well and although I don’t know you personally, I am really pleased that all of your hard work has paid off and you are reaping rewards and your dreams are coming true. Keep going and achieve everything you can! I have a huge admiration for you and love reading about how you are making it all happen xx
Ah thank you Katie, that’s so kind of you to say. xxx
And that there sums it up – if we did celebrate one another more there would be more light. Spot on lovely. I wish we would do this – I think you’re really insightful here as to what stops some people though xx
Exactly lovely Kiran, exactly. We have to start turning things around, and I have to say the blogging community has a whole is doing a pretty good job of this x
I love the honesty Of this post…all so true. I can’t believe I have only just found your blog! It is awesome.
Ah thank you so much Emily-Jane! Thanks for popping by x
Great Post. Well said. Germaine Greer has said a lot of wise things in her time. There is definitely something gone wrong with the sisterhood in places. Funny old world.
Maybe this should be a key note at Brit Mums!?
Oh yes! I’d love that, hello Brit Mums! ;-)
Thanks Lucy, Germaine is just fabulous. She sure is one very wise woman indeed. x
This gave me goose bumps hon, so glad I bookmarked to read later. Your posts just get better and better, and this is totally spot on. It’s normal to feel those twinges of envy (along with guilt, shame, fear and all the other nasties that plague us humans).
But I think when you’re feeling this way it’s important to check yourself and recognise that it’s mostly stemming from your own inner wobbles, than from anything that person is doing wrong. Quite the opposite, when somebody’s light is blazing it gives more of us permission to shine.
There’s a lovely quote I saw on Pinterest (I think) that goes something like ‘I want all of us to succeed’ and that’s about the sum of it. We’re all connected in some way and so the way I see it, your success is my success. So congrats to me (pats own back)… mwah haha ;-) Seriously though congrats again on your nomination and I can’t wait for the new blog!!! x
Ah I love this comment Uju and that quote! You’re absolutely right, as is that quote. I came across one the other day, which is kind of similar. About how when one woman stands up for herself and her right to be treated fairly and equally, she is standing up for women everywhere. Just imagine what we could all achieve if we stood up, united, together :) x
Thank you for your very kind words, I’m really touched. (And I can’t wait to bring you the new blog either!) x
Fabulous post and so very true.
Germaine Greer was a fellow at my University College – and have always thought she speaks a lot of sense (much like this post).
Thanks for linking it up to #SundayStars – and congratulations on your BiBs2015 shortlisting!!
Ah Germaine is a real hero of mine. Hearing her speak was one of the highlights of my adult life – truly. I agree, she really does talk sense.
Thanks for your lovely words! x
Fabulous post and very true. Envy / jealousy can work for you if you take a step back and work out what it is that you’re envious / jealous of and then use that insight to help you get where you want to go. So, taking your post as an example, if I’m jealous that you’ve won blog awards and been on HuffPost, then I need to put the work in on my blog to make that a possibility for myself! But that doesn’t excuse me from being rude and unkind about your success or anyone else’s. Frankly, the world would be a much better place if we all nicer, kinder and celebrated each other. So, bloody well done.
#allaboutyou
Ah thank you! And you’re so right, imagine what a better world it would be, if we put our own insecurities to one side, appreciated our own differences and celebrated one another! I think it would be AWESOME. You make a really valid point too. That envy is natural and also a brilliant indicator. If you want something that someone else has or has achieved then you can learn a great deal from them about your own needs and what you could do to achieve something similar. Great point. Thanks so much for stopping by x
This is a great post! I really loved reading it and all of the fantastic comments that it generated! It’s important to be reminded to celebrate the successes of others and not just our own, of course it comes more easily to some than others! It does feel like such a blessing to have people that dance alongside me when there’s something to celebrate! #AllAboutYou
Oh Katy, thanks so much for stopping by. That last line is just beautiful and perfectly sums up that feeling when you’re genuinely thrilled and happy for someone else’s success and happiness. Wonderful x
Love your post. You are so right. In general the more engaged and happy we are about what we do the easier it is to be happy for someone else. I have always hated gossip and putting people down and tend to not take part.
Well done on your achievements. It is fantastic to be proud of yourself.
Thank you Kirsten! I’m afraid I have been partial to gossip in the past, perhaps even on occasion – dare I say it – the instigator of it, however as I’ve got older and hopefully a little wiser, I’m really doing my very best not to get involved in anything that is unpleasant or derogatory towards my fellow sisters. So wonderful to hear you’re doing your bit too. Well done x
I was so engaged in your post I forgot to put #brilliantblogposts
Wooooooooooo! My work is done. ;-) Thanks Kirsten x
Spot. On.
You are the Queen of sisterhood lovely!
I used to be that person, the one that hated others because I didn’t have their success. The funny thing was I wasn’t putting the work in, I wasn’t trying. It’s been a long time coming but now I am truly happy for other women’s successes. I can cheer along with them because I understand they’ve worked hard to be where they are.
Brilliant post as usual hun. xx
Thank you so much Morgan! The Queen of Sisterhood?! I’ll take that! ;-) x So glad to hear how far you’ve come. Well done .x
We all so need each other and such a shame that some are threatened by the shine of others. What’s there not to love about celebrations; celebrating others is so upbeat and positive, and actually enriching! I’m all for celebratin fellow women … fellow humans on our journey of life. No one is an island, we need each other; even when it doesn’t seem like it in the instance! #allaboutyou
Totally agree. Life is always much better when it’s a party full of willing, joyous and supportive guests! x
Fabulous post honey and I agree entirely. I totally believe that together we are stronger and we are happier in ourselves if we don’t carry aound the baggage or envy and jealousy! xxx
Exactly my darling! Working together and being supportive benefits everyone xxx
This is brilliant, and Unfortantely in my experience so true :( I’ve recently ended a friendship because of it – which actually hurt me a lot because it was one of my NCT mums – those are the friends you are meant to have for life right?
Well done on the success you have had, from what I’ve read it sounds like you have done amazingly well – will be back to find out more :) xx
Ah thank you so much for your kind words. Truly sorry to hear about your friendship ending. Awful when that happens – been there and had to do that, a number of times in my life and it never gets easier. Don’t forget that not all women are like that, sounds to me like your friend just wasn’t ‘your tribe’. :) x
Its like you are in my head lately, I love this post and totally get it, I never ever feel jealousy it just isn’t in my nature, I would always be so pleased for someone, but some-one I thought was a friend has said nothing to me recently, and saying nothing about a success or achievement of a friend, something that makes her feel great about herself speaks volumes about a person. It really hurt as I don’t understand those feelings, like you say we are all in this together we should support each other. What a fantastic post x
I only just read this, even though it’s around 6 weeks old and you are so spot on Kate! I’ve been trying to put my finger on it for a while now and the ignoring thing when people are jealous is totally it. Why do people do that? I am all about bigging up other people’s achievements – whether it’s tweeting links to amazing blog posts others have written or recommending women I know for work or projects. It’s so important to help people. I agree with Becky’s comment above that you do come across the odd person who says they are into building others up but actually they have their own agenda which is usually about building themselves up – but you need to just move on from people & not let it bother you.
One related thing I’ve been thinking about recently is how us women don’t do ourselves any favours by often jumping to brand someone as jealous when actually they’re not – I’ve often seen a woman have a genuine issue with another woman or situation and the reaction from others is “oh she is jealous”. Men don’t react like this. They look at the issue being discussed rather than dismiss it as an emotional reaction. All great food for thought and a fab post Katie!
No we have not all done it. I am no jealous or envy someone else out of spite. If anything I’ve always offered friendship and happiness. I just never got it back in return.