WHAT I KNOW ABOUT CONFIDENCE

SOME days I feel like I could take on the world.

(And maybe even win.)

Other days it can feel like a struggle just to leave the house and face it, let alone take it on.

It’s a funny ol’ thing confidence. Take for instance this week.

On Tuesday, I was feeling bold, invincible and at my absolute best. Flying high and making magic happen.

And then the day after.

Bam, back to earth.

Wednesday was a trickier day, I felt the dreadful but familiar wibble wobbles, I struggled with the simplest of tasks and just like that, my confidence – or the bulk of it at least – seemingly evaporated into thin air.

Just two little days.

One right next to the other.

And yet in terms of confidence levels, how I felt on each day could not have been more different.

I don’t think I’m the only one to feel this way, to live with such ups and downs of shifting confidence levels.

Or perhaps I am.

Maybe you’ve all got this confidence thang down! (If you have, spill the beans won’t you?!)

All I know is that during my 35 years on this planet, some days I feel incredible. Other days I do not. And my confidence can swing from one extreme to another overnight, or even occasionally, in an instant.

And typically, just when I think I’ve got this confident, “I can take on anything feeling” in the bag, I quickly discover when I go to fish around for it the next day that it’s hidden, it’s been pinched or it’s burst free.

Because one thing I definitely do know is that confidence is elusive.

confidence 2

And the most mysterious of all feelings.

We all want it. We all want more of it. And we sure as hell need it.

But yet it often remains tricky to find and is impossible to hold onto.

It’s also incredibly vulnerable too.

Such precious things like confidence are I guess.

It shrinks when it comes up against opposition. It hides when it’s most needed. It runs for the hills if it feels threatened or unappreciated.

And yet it can also flourish.

With a little love. Some space. And a good ol’ dollop of respect.

In the right environment, confidence can make your light shine so bright, you feel like your dazzle could actually bedazzle anyone.

And woah, when that happens, doesn’t it feel great?

Doesn’t it feel like you could jump and the universe would catch you?

Doesn’t it make you strut around with pride?

It sure does for me.

When I have one of my bedazzling days, life flows exactly the way I want it to. Things fall into place. Strangers will return my smile in the street.

I feel alive, perhaps even magnificent. I almost want to shout out: “Hey everyone, I got this thing called life, sussed!” 

And on the days that it disappears?

Well, now that’s a whole different kind of story isn’t it?

For me, just getting out of bed and facing the day with a smile can sometimes be difficult.

I feel vulnerable and on edge.

I wibble. I wobble.

I fear and I stall.

And I shrink.

Life feels hard going, things turn upside down. I feel like I’m stuck in the mud, with my very best heels on, squelching about trying to get out, whilst everyone else whizzes straight past with a spring in their (clean) step.

You know those days too I imagine.

So what can be done?

Well we can’t bottle it. (I’ve tried.)

We can’t buy it. (Although advertisers would make you believe you can.)

And we can’t tether it down. (Even though we really need it to hand.)

But we can work with it.

We can be kind to ourselves to on those days when we could happily stay in bed and ignore the world.

We can give it some space and and our trust, understanding that even though little Miss Confidence might have done a bunk, that she will indeed be back.

We can befriend it, reassure it and do our best to coax it out of the shadows. Especially for those times when life demands that we shine at our brightest.

This is what I know.

what I know about confidence

Confidence loves boldness. Every time I take a risk or face a fear, it grows.

Confidence loves self respect. When I show myself love, it supports me in standing tall.

Confidence loves self belief. It will only show up to the party, if I invite it.

Confidence loves passion. Once I found what stirs my soul, it began to hang around a lot longer.

Confidence wants to be a part of your life.

It wants to be your cheerleader. Your best friend. Your knight in shining armour.

But it needs you.

It need you to nurture it and give it the right environment in which to grow. It requires your attention and love. Watering and feeding. Perhaps even an odd talking to.

Sometimes it may indeed wilt, often it can wither but with your care, it can and will flourish.

And when it does, just you watch in amazement.

Because this is when it will really, tremendously bloom.

(As indeed, will you.)

 

 

With love,

Kate

Lips

 

 

 

This post is linked to #SundayStars and #BrilliantBlogPosts

 

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46 Discussions on
“WHAT I KNOW ABOUT CONFIDENCE”
  • This is a brilliant post – for me confidence is there in abundance some days and other days it disappears and all that remains is fear. I’ve tried to acknowledge the impermanence of both confidence and fear – but that’s easier said than done! I love your advice on how to work with it, I hadn’t thought of it in that way before! x

  • You know, Katie, the only thing that made me realise in the early paragraphs that you weren’t talking about me is our different ages. I have swings like that all the time. You’re right, confidence needs to be grown and nurtured xxx

  • Fab piece Kate! This is a very familiar thing to me.

    Some days it’s top of the world stuff. Others, you can mostly find me chewing my fingernails to the skin or even hiding my tears somewhere.

    A friend once told me that, on those days when the shaky feelings kick in early enough, put on an outfit you love. It may sound simple or even a little shallow, but I do find that it can help a little. If I feel good in what I’m wearing, that positivity can work its way around the rest of my brain. Sometimes.

    High heels and a black dress are always a giveaway that I have a tough meeting or presentation ahead!

    Thanks for sharing xxx

    • Kate, gosh, I love this! Absolutely spot on. I always find when I’m really nervous and lacking in confidence, that putting my make up on, doing my hair, wearing a great outfit and super heels always helps. It may be superficial but it sure gives you a great boost. Thanks for your lovely comment xxx

  • Love those lines about how we need to feed our confidence, and what it loves about us! Sometimes you have to “fake it to make it”, and the confidence rises to meet the challenge. I’ve also found that some days I need to remind myself that I have full permission to be kind to myself, to be gentle, to tell myself it’s ok to wobble and wibble. And then take deep breaths and forge ahead with life! Because we simply must. Wonderful words xx

    • Thank you darling. Wise beautiful words from you as always. And yes, the wibble wobbles are more than fine. They are in fact needed on occasion I reckon. xxx

  • When feeling a wobble I think of something I once felt wobbly about yet have managed to accomplish. Then I think ‘I can do this’, dig my heels in and concentrate on where I want to be. Not always easy but this way helps me xx

    • I’m exactly the same Hannah! I also always try to think, what is the worst that can happen?! Normally, the ‘worse’ isn’t too bad at all and so it’s worth a shot! x

  • Great post! I’ve always struggled with confidence, but have come to realise over time that many people do – so many people are just employing ‘fake it til you make it’ when it comes to confidence. #sundaystars

    • They really do and guess what? It works doesn’t it. So many of struggle with confidence, you’re certainly not alone. x

  • Quiet true, confidence comes and goes in me too… I sometimes got jealous with my kids as they are so bold, fearless and confident, whereas when I was that age, I was too shy trying to hide under my mum’s skirt. Great post and lovely photos too! #SundaysStars

    • Ah yes, if only we could bottle what they have! It makes you wonder when kids lose it, doesn’t it? Thanks so much for your lovely comment x

  • Katie, do you know what? This time last year I was starting out in this world of blogging and you more than anyone else helped build my confidence. I hated taking pictures of myself and I wasn’t really sure what I was doing or what I wanted to do with my blog. A year on and I can honestly say it’s been amazing, my confidence has built to a healthy place and I’m now vlogging, blogging and taking pictures with confidence. This is such a great post, I know you’ll help so many other people. Thank you xxx

    • Ah Heledd, you’ve done it all your self my love. I absolutely adore this comment, because you’re so right, blogs really do help to build your confidence in so many ways. Blogging is life changing, it absolutely is. Keep on flying high darling xxx

  • Brilliant post Kate, I can completely identify with all of those swings in confidence that you describe! I love those days when you feel you can conquer the world, but agree it’s important to be a little more kind with ourselves on those days when confidence has gone running for the hills. xx

    • Thanks so much Jen! Funny how it comes and goes isn’t it? (Or perhaps not!) But yes, those days when you feel you can conquer anything, are just amazing. x

  • oh wonderful post lady! I have this very same feeling every other day, one day I’m like “yes, this is what it’s all about. I get it!” Then almost the very next day the self-doubt starts to creep in. It’s on those days I take it a bit easier, remind myself life isn’t a race. I might read a good book on those days, or watch an inspirational documentary. Then I wait for the perspective and with it the confidence to come back. It just takes a little bit of nurturing, this little thing with the big voice!
    xxx

  • This is definately me, especially in relation to my blogging. Some days I think im doing great, other days I wonder why I am subjecting people to such drivel. I need to feed my confidence more. #brilliantblogposts

    • I think it helps if we realise that we’re not alone and that everyone goes through dips in confidence. The blogging world is full of so much talent,it’s hard not to lose confidence, but you have to keep, keeping on and believe. Best of luck! x

    • It happens doesn’t it?! Totally true, the more confidence you have, the more you seem to develop. Thanks John!

  • Another fabulous and spot on post Kate.

    This literally could have been written about my day yesterday and my day today. Somedays I just wake up and I’m like ‘yes, I can do anything’. I feel happy, inspired, motivated and ready to take on the world. I feel like anything is possible and everything is in grasp.

    And then I wake up on days like today and feel really low, really self-concious and lacking in any confidence. I feel that my dreams are silly and are not in reach. It seeps into every corner of life though, I’m not a good enough blogger, why would anyone read my blog? I’m not a good enough partner or mum or person, I’m too wobbly in places etc etc.

    Yet on the confident days that self-conscious girl gets shown a very different mirror.

    Our thought process is a strange thing. It’s our thoughts that dictate everything we accomplish in the world. If we change them, we can do anything. xx #brilliantblogposts

    • Thanks so much Chloe. It really is all about the thoughts isn’t it?! (I’m beginning to learn this more and more) Incredible the power they can hold over us – both good and bad. x

  • Love this. Although I wonder whether motivation and confidence are linked. Some days I feel more motivated and some less, maybe it’s a combination of the both.

    Sally @ Life Loving

  • You lady are incredible :-) I want to bundle you up and keep you in my pocket and take you out whenever I need a good talking too. I can’t tell you how much you’ve helped me recently in terms of feeling better and ultimately more confident and carefree. You totally rock xxx

  • Yes! This has been me this week. Up and down like a flipping yoyo. I can take on the world. No I can. YES I can….erm maybe not… Sometimes it’s a matter of minutes!! Confidence definitely needs work and I’m working on my mindset and starting my morning with positivity but the mind is a very powerful thing, isn’t it! Thank you for writing and sharing this – I am glad I’m not alone. You’re awesome, you know! #brilliantblogposts

    • Thanks so much Elizabeth! I loved this comment, the yoyo bit really made me laugh and believe me, I need that this morning! ;-) Amazing how really, we’re all pretty much the same and yet so many of us forget, that actually everyone suffers with confidence loss at times. Thanks so much for popping by! x

  • Loved this post because you are so right, confidence is fluid, and most people, even the seemingly most confident of us (and so many seem to pop me into that bracket), definitely don’t always feel that way. I felt literally sick before giving my keynote at FunFest but I did it and those nerves are neccessary, that fight or flight feeling pushes us into action… It’s accepting that self-doubt and nerves are inevitable but going ahead and doing whatever it is, you have to do, anyway. As a director I worked with some of the most gifted actors and crew in the UK, all that at times, doubted what they had to do, I think of it as the achilles heel of we creatives. Brilliant, wise words darling, the more often we are honest about quite how tough feeling confident can be and normalising it, the better xoxo

    • Amazing comment Vicki and reminds me of something Oprah Winfrey said in an interview that I watched a few weeks ago. She said, at the end of every interview, every single person – from normal women to criminals, presidents to Beyonce, all reached across to her to ask “was that ok?”. Every single one had doubts and every single one just wanted to know they did a good job. We’re all similar, just some people are better at dealing with nerves and pushing through them, than others. Well done on your amazing speech! I’ve got my first big public speaking presentation coming up in a few weeks and feel sick to the stomach already but I keep telling myself, all will be well. You gotta fight that fear huh?! xx

  • What a great post! I have felt like this for as long as I can remember. I didn’t realise so many others did to. I wish someone had a permanent cure but I definitely believe we can take control of feeling better on those not so confident days. Things that have helped me are, picking up a personal development book, going for a run, taking action towards goals. I find this to be even more important on days when I lack confidence. Even if I really don’t want to, I try to do something that I know will benefit me in the long term, making a call, meeting a client or friend and writing down my gratitudes. I believe confidence comes with action, doing something you don’t feel like doing today but you did on a confident day. Also, being surrounded by positive, upbeat people. xx

    • Great advice Joanna! And isn’t it funny, how nearly everyone seems to suffer from confidence dips too. We just never think it do we? :) x

  • Brilliant post hun. You are right, confidence is a tricky thing. I too have my ups and downs. I’m going to take your advice and take care of myself today (feeling a bit low). It’s the only way. xx

  • I so agree, confidence is fleeting, from one moment to the next. Continuing to slog on helps, I can see that I’m still moving, even if it’s taking steps in place, or moving back. I’m still taking steps, soon enough I will move forward. I just need to have faith. And some days when the alarm rings I need to bury my head in the covers for just a bit longer!

  • I really needed to read this post. So thank you for writing it lovely. I have always struggled with self-confidence. And at the moment, it is especially low. But I need to nurture it more. I need to care for it and show it some love. Because no one else is going to. Thanks for writing another inspiring post and for linking it up to #SundaysStars. I am sorry it has taken me so long to comment..it has been a trying few weeks. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

    • Absolutely no apology needed at all. I’m so sorry to hear you’ve had a trying few weeks :( As for the confidence thing, I think all the comments have proved that no one really ever has it completely sussed. Nurture it lovely and it will come back. Much love xxx

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