WHAT I KNOW ABOUT CONFIDENCE
SOME days I feel like I could take on the world.
(And maybe even win.)
Other days it can feel like a struggle just to leave the house and face it, let alone take it on.
It’s a funny ol’ thing confidence. Take for instance this week.
On Tuesday, I was feeling bold, invincible and at my absolute best. Flying high and making magic happen.
And then the day after.
Bam, back to earth.
Wednesday was a trickier day, I felt the dreadful but familiar wibble wobbles, I struggled with the simplest of tasks and just like that, my confidence – or the bulk of it at least – seemingly evaporated into thin air.
Just two little days.
One right next to the other.
And yet in terms of confidence levels, how I felt on each day could not have been more different.
I don’t think I’m the only one to feel this way, to live with such ups and downs of shifting confidence levels.
Or perhaps I am.
Maybe you’ve all got this confidence thang down! (If you have, spill the beans won’t you?!)
All I know is that during my 35 years on this planet, some days I feel incredible. Other days I do not. And my confidence can swing from one extreme to another overnight, or even occasionally, in an instant.
And typically, just when I think I’ve got this confident, “I can take on anything feeling” in the bag, I quickly discover when I go to fish around for it the next day that it’s hidden, it’s been pinched or it’s burst free.
Because one thing I definitely do know is that confidence is elusive.
And the most mysterious of all feelings.
We all want it. We all want more of it. And we sure as hell need it.
But yet it often remains tricky to find and is impossible to hold onto.
It’s also incredibly vulnerable too.
Such precious things like confidence are I guess.
It shrinks when it comes up against opposition. It hides when it’s most needed. It runs for the hills if it feels threatened or unappreciated.
And yet it can also flourish.
With a little love. Some space. And a good ol’ dollop of respect.
In the right environment, confidence can make your light shine so bright, you feel like your dazzle could actually bedazzle anyone.
And woah, when that happens, doesn’t it feel great?
Doesn’t it feel like you could jump and the universe would catch you?
Doesn’t it make you strut around with pride?
It sure does for me.
When I have one of my bedazzling days, life flows exactly the way I want it to. Things fall into place. Strangers will return my smile in the street.
I feel alive, perhaps even magnificent. I almost want to shout out: “Hey everyone, I got this thing called life, sussed!”
And on the days that it disappears?
Well, now that’s a whole different kind of story isn’t it?
For me, just getting out of bed and facing the day with a smile can sometimes be difficult.
I feel vulnerable and on edge.
I wibble. I wobble.
I fear and I stall.
And I shrink.
Life feels hard going, things turn upside down. I feel like I’m stuck in the mud, with my very best heels on, squelching about trying to get out, whilst everyone else whizzes straight past with a spring in their (clean) step.
You know those days too I imagine.
So what can be done?
Well we can’t bottle it. (I’ve tried.)
We can’t buy it. (Although advertisers would make you believe you can.)
And we can’t tether it down. (Even though we really need it to hand.)
But we can work with it.
We can be kind to ourselves to on those days when we could happily stay in bed and ignore the world.
We can give it some space and and our trust, understanding that even though little Miss Confidence might have done a bunk, that she will indeed be back.
We can befriend it, reassure it and do our best to coax it out of the shadows. Especially for those times when life demands that we shine at our brightest.
This is what I know.
Confidence loves boldness. Every time I take a risk or face a fear, it grows.
Confidence loves self respect. When I show myself love, it supports me in standing tall.
Confidence loves self belief. It will only show up to the party, if I invite it.
Confidence loves passion. Once I found what stirs my soul, it began to hang around a lot longer.
Confidence wants to be a part of your life.
It wants to be your cheerleader. Your best friend. Your knight in shining armour.
But it needs you.
It need you to nurture it and give it the right environment in which to grow. It requires your attention and love. Watering and feeding. Perhaps even an odd talking to.
Sometimes it may indeed wilt, often it can wither but with your care, it can and will flourish.
And when it does, just you watch in amazement.
Because this is when it will really, tremendously bloom.
(As indeed, will you.)