THE LIST EVERY WOMAN NEEDS TO HAVE (OR MAKE)
I’M not a fan of the list generally.
Just so you’re clear.
Yep they’re useful and pretty handy but they always give me the ‘fear’ that I’ll never have enough time to get everything done.
Or ‘the guilt’ when I don’t manage to tick everything off my list.
But recently I’ve decided that I need a list in my life. And that, my friend, you do too! This list that I’m going to tell you about will change your life.
Yep you heard right. IT’S GOING TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE!!
(Or at least it certainly has the potential.)
It’s a list that is going to help save us all from a lifetime of boredom, guilt and drudgery. It’s a list that will make your days happier and brighter.
It’s a list that instead of making you feel like a failure, will make you feel like you very own hero.
“What is it?”, I hear you cry?
It is this. A list of NON-NEGOTIABLES. Yours. (And for me. Mine.)
Have you ever sat at home wondering why you never have time to do the stuff you love? Why your home is never as homely as you want it to be? Why you have people in your life who treat you poorly? Why you never manage to get stuff done? (Even with all the bloody to do lists).
Yep me too. And it’s very simple.
It’s because you haven’t made this list. It’s because you haven’t sat down, had five minutes to yourself and come up with your list of non-negotiables. Which basically means all the stuff you will not negotiate or compromise on.
The stuff that matters to you. Things that make you happy. What you deserve. Your values. The behaviour you will not accept.
For years, I was a ‘one day’ person. You know the ones I mean!
One day, I will make time to read that pile of novels gathering dust in my bedroom. One day, I will start to tone up and have the body of my dreams. One day, I will find a way to only surround myself with truly lovely humans.
One day.
One day. After I tackled my mammoth ‘to do’ list first.
But no longer am I that woman. Hell no! And I changed or at least started to change last year, when I decided that I could no longer live without flowers in my life.
Yes flowers. In vases, jugs and old perfume bottles even, all dotted all around my house.
When I hit 35, I became a flower fanatic.
I started to take more of an interest in the blooming beauties and soon realised that buying a couple of bunches of flowers and arranging them back at home in various odds and sods jars and vases, made me really happy.
As a self employed woman with a three year old daughter, most of my life is spent within my home’s four walls. So I like to make it look pretty. And I like it to look as homely as it can be.
And that’s how the flower thing started.
After a while, buying flowers soon became my weekly treat. And – this is the important bit – it became a habit. A habit I was determined to keep.
My first NON NEGOTIABLE.
Since then, I’ve added a couple more things to my special non negotiable list. Here’s what I’ve got so far:
- I will read for at least 15 minutes every day
- I will always find time (and money) to have my nails painted
- I will buy fresh flowers every week
- I will always have avocados to eat
- I will not listen to women slate other women
- If an ‘opportunity’ isn’t an immediate ‘yes’, then it’s a no
- If someone treats me poorly, they are out
As you can see, it’s quite a crazy list of stuff! And it’s growing each week.
But this little list of non negotiables is already changing my life. Truly it is. It’s helping me realise that only I can make myself a priority. That my happiness is in my hands. That I deserve better than how I have allowed (yep, allowed) some people to treat me.
And it’s really, really bloody empowering. As I said earlier, I feel like I’ve become my own hero.
I had a chat with one of my closest friends on New Year’s Day about my new non negotiable list, when she started to tell me how she loved soaking in the tub, but never had time to do it.
“Ah”, I said. “That’s because you haven’t made it non negotiable. You haven’t made it a ‘must’ in your life.”
And I was right. She hadn’t. (Although hopefully has started now!)
A non negotiable list might sound a little bonkers but it’s liberating, empowering and damn right fierce in a world that encourages us women to put up and shut up.
This kind of list helps you to find yourself, forces you to examine what makes your heart sing, makes your realise your own worth and allows you to make small immediate changes that will and can transform your world.
It can be as deep or as shallow as you like. But essentially it’s all about you.
What are your ‘musts’? And your ‘must nots’? Think about ’em. Write ’em down. And make them a priority.
And I promise you, your life will get a whole lot more fabulous.
With love,
Kate
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Who knows, maybe reading it will become one of your non negotiables! ;-) I’d bloomin’ love that!
This post is linked up to The List.
I am in love with this idea! I haven’t painted my nails since Lily was born (it’s her birthday in less than 2 weeks) as I just can’t justify or find the time to do so. I know it’s something really small and silly but it’s something for myself and I just want to feel a little bit pretty! I am definitely making a list of my non-negotiables this weekend, thank you so much for sharing this idea. It sounds so liberating! X
Yes!!!!!! Would love to hear how you get on. It really is very liberating. Get those nails painted! :) X
I love this Kate! I’ve been thinking recently about work-life balance and spending too much time in the office and missing my little boy growing up, so I definitely need to take a step back and work on my non-negotiables
Ah so thrilled Becca! We all need that step back sometimes. Good luck! x
Right…I’m going to get on the case. This is ace!! I WILL…will be my new mantra! X
WOOP WOOP! Yes! x
Really inspire idea. Today was a rough day and I was thinking while cooking dinner how I need to figure out how to make the life I want for my family. I am so blessed to have 2 amazing children in my life but I feel like I have lots most of whom I was before them. I have lots to focus on this year. Thank you for your positive words.
My absolute pleasure. Those rough days suck, I had one a few weeks ago. Non negotiables are smashing, give them a go and good luck! x
I love this. I’m off to write my own list of non-negotiables. x
All I can say to that is WOOOOO HOOOO! x
This is brilliant. I love the idea of a list of non-negotiables. I really must write one. I would definitely include reading and painting my nails. I love both and never do them. Hugs Lucy xxxx
Thanks Lucy! Yep, it’s time to make a list my friend. Get them down. (And sit down with a book as soon as you can!) x
Yes yes and yes to this list! I love a list, love them. Although I’m at the point where I have so many lists now that not much is actually getting done. I think I need to ditch them all and have this list of non-negotiables – it’s very timely, I need to simplify my life to the things, and people, that are important to me. I’m going to do this list – I’ll let you know when it’s done! Mim x x
Woooo! Yes. Ditch every list (that comes with guilt or fear) I reckon and just do the non-negotiables. The stuff that makes our lives happier, calmer and BETTER. Let me know how you get on. I would LOVE to hear. X
Brilliant! I love things like this. I have been working through my ‘non-negotiable in my mind over the last few months and doing some maintenance. What I haven’t done is written it down and included ‘must-do’s’. This I ‘must do’!
Totally with you on the flowers. They are a must have.
Lovely post
Thanks Nicky! Yes write them down! Once they’re actually written down, I believe they are then unbreakable. (Or something) ;-) X
Hear hear to this! I have a couple of non-negotiables such as always having proper, nice coffee in and a morning in Costa once a week but there are more I keep meaning to add on. I used to have flowers in every week but that slipped some time around Christmas, in the madness and that we were always out. And candles. Reading too. Similar to yours I guess. They’re going back on. ;-)
I love this!! So glad you’ve got some already. You’d be amazed at how many women don’t! And yes, get them back on. ASAP! ;-) x
What a lovely idea! I think it is the little joys and pleasures in life which make it so lovely. This is just the kind of detail I like reading about in interviews with people like Dita Von Teese, or favourite actresses. One if my non negotiable a in February is lots and lots of daffodils. I buy the next bunch before the last one has ended so I am never without.
I like to call there ‘puttery treats’ and there are lots of ideas for them over at http://www.brocantehome.net – just search for puttery treat.
Thanks so much! x
Yes, I couldn’t agree more. This is important and well done you for realising. I think I need to take those five minutes to myself and put pen to paper. Thank you for an inspirational post #TheList
I can’t believe it’s taken me 36 years! ;-) Hope you manage to grab those five minutes!
This is awesome and something I could have done with a long time ago. Thanks lovely… great post!
#thelist
My pleasure! Thanks for popping over to have a read! x
I don’t think it is bonkers I think it is a great idea. My fav of your is I will not listen to women slate other women. I would have on my list I will not listen to or feed negativity. Thanks for sharing this idea. I may have a go at my own too.
My pleasure! Yes, it’s a good one isn’t it. Wish I’d thought of it yonks ago! Let me know how you get on.
I’ve got to be honest, I love a To Do list, I’m forever writing them and they help me to get things done, but I’ve never written a list such as this for myself! Sounds like a brilliant idea and one I’ll get started on today! Thanks for sharing. #TheList P.S. Love the bit about avocados! I’m such a fan! x
Great news Cheryl! Would love to hear how you get on. And another avocado fan too?! Brilliant! x
Yes to the last one ! I’ve started doing that. Also I have started always having eggs in – that is none non-negotiable, after reading about the health benefits of eating eggs and the cholesterol myth. I need to do the nails one – painted them myself last night for the first time in 9 months and it felt great but have all ready chipped two after a Gruffalo hunt this morning, one child in the baby carrier and another on my shoulders lol. #TheList
I need lots more non negotiables in my life, but seriously huni avocados- bleugh :) xxxxxx
haha! Honestly, they are the best! I promise ;-) x
This sounds like an interesting list to have, I’m not sure what I’d put on that list at the moment – I’m going to have to have a think about it! Great post hun. x
#thelist
Thanks Morgan! Would love to hear what you come up with x
Love this – in the last year or so I’ve really taken time to think about what makes me happy and now I work on that every day, so I have a reading non-negotiable too, as well as time with friends, and time out for me. So important for us mums to look after ourselves :-) xx
It really is. I think so many of us spend so much time thinking about work and stuff, instead of what’s good for us? What makes us happy? etc. I love how you always get on with living your life Sophie and making it as wonderful as possible. So inspiring! :) X