Dear phone calls,
I‘ve struggled with you over the years. And I’ve done my best to fall in love with you, like you even.
But it’s time to admit that well, in all honesty, I just don’t like you very much. In fact – please don’t be hurt by this – but I actually like you very little.
I don’t know why. To be fair, it’s not like I can’t waffle on. Pretty much everyone who knows me, knows that I can talk for England. But try as I might, me and you just aren’t going to be best pals. I just don’t enjoy you, you see. I’d rather be hanging out with your text friend or popping over to see one of your social media buddies.
You’re just…how can I put this? Well, you’re just a bit annoying.
Yes, there have been rare times when an odd phone call has made me happy. I’ll give you that. But on the whole, I just find you a massive inconvenience. And a bit bloody frightening too.
Pathetic this may be, but you actually do scare me a little. I don’t like it when my phone rings with one of you trying to get through. I don’t like it when I’m forced out of my happy bubble by my ringtone.
When I’m interrupted or harassed. I need my space you see. Some peace and quiet. Plus I’m fiercely independent and like to do things on my own terms.
And don’t get me started on those of you that come through from numbers that I don’t recognise or are restricted. Just the thought of you is enough to make me shudder.
Over the years I’ve forced myself to get along with you. To accept who you are. Needs must an’ all. I would never have made it as a journalist for starters if I couldn’t pick up the phone and use one of you or have had a love life, so you’re not all bad granted.
There are – amazingly – people out there who actually LOVE you. Indeed, people I know who will rush to drop everything to answer you but I’m afraid I’m just not one of them. Nor will ever be. I prefer to speak to people when I’m good and ready, and in my own time.
Sometimes I ignore you. Sometimes I put you off. Sometimes I pretend you don’t exist. Very rarely when it comes to work but pretty often when it comes to social stuff, this is what I do.
Why? Well, I guess because mainly I like words where I can see them. In black and white. In text. Not invisible words hanging in the air hoping, waiting to be heard.
Writing words or seeing them written down just works better for me. You see, when it comes to text, I can think, edit, console, flirt, support or argue brilliantly. But over the phone? Well I’m not just that good at it.
And over everything, I’m a bit of an old fashioned gal in that I still prefer to communicate in person and actually talk to someone face to face.
It’s very special you know.
Seeing someone’s facial expressions, reading their body language, looking into their eyes. There’s nothing like it. You’d be amazed at how you can read people and their emotions so much better, than you can through a phone.
For instance, a silent pause in person I can interpret but a silent pause through one of you? Well now that can be tricky. Very tricky indeed. “Have they been cut off? Have I p****d them off? Have they gone under a tunnel? Are they watching the TV?”
You get my gist.
So look. To be fair, it really isn’t you. It’s just me.
I’m just not made for you. You don’t float my boat. We are never going to be a communications love story but I guess well, we can be reluctant friends.
I’m sorry for the times I’ve ignored you or let you ring and ring. Truly I am. There’s nothing worse than being ignored, we all know that.
But hopefully now we understand each other a little better. You will know that I’ll answer you when I feel like it and make one of you when needs must.
Perhaps you may even take comfort in that whenever I need you or whenever someone really needs me, I will be there, to pick up. But for other times? Well let’s just face facts, I will probably avoid you like the plague. Don’t take it personally though. Remember what I’ve said.
There is of course, one exception to the rule. Times when me and you can and will get along just fine.
And that is, if you come from one of my loved ones.
Hearing the familiar, warm tones of people I love and adore, will always be ok in my book, so when it comes to calls from those I love, you have my permission to go and knock yourself out.
Just keep yourself to a minimum ey? You know how I don’t like all that ringing.
Am I the only person to hate talking on the phone? Do you hate phone calls as much as me and if so why?! Would love to hear your thoughts!
With love (and pouts)