WHEN it comes to love, it takes two to tango, as they say.
Therefore, in the interest of equality, I think it’s only fair to point out the mistakes that men make when it comes to matters of the heart, as I did with the women last week.
After all, we’re all in this together right?!
Ladies, I am sure many of you will find yourself nodding along in agreement to these, perhaps chuckling a little along the way. And gents, well, if you’re not doing too well with romance or your relationship is under pressure, then what can I say?
Grab a coffee, settle down and listen up. I may just be able to help you out. Here are five common mistakes men (you) make when it comes to love.
You think the grass is greener
Ok. Admittedly, you’re not the only ones guilty of this, but if there’s one thing I’ve learnt about you chaps, it is that many of you are always under the impression that you’re somehow ‘missing out’ whenever you’re committed to someone. You know, the ol’ grass is greener syndrome.
To be fair, perhaps you are missing out. Perhaps you’re with the wrong person, perhaps you’ve been asked to sacrifice too much of yourself , perhaps you actually shouldn’t be committed to any fine woman because you’d rather be wild and free. Perhaps. (See, I’m nothing but fair.)
But if generally, you are happy and you do love the lady you share your life with, then seriously, what is there to worry about?
Relationships will always call for some sacrifice, that’s true, but do you know what? It ain’t no bad thing. After all, something worth having, is worth the effort right?
Everyone gets moments when they think they’d rather like their neighbour’s life instead of their own, but trust me, peer over that fence long enough and you’ll soon see that even the greenest grass can go rotten in places and takes a lot of maintenance to keep looking so good. Kapish?
You think you’ve ‘got her’
Ready for a secret? You never really have. Surprised?! Good. You bloody well should be.
In the beginning, you’re all fantastic. You’re romantic, passionate, caring and considerate. Some of you have even been known to sweep us fair damsels off our feet with the intensity of your wooing. You are – dare I say it – amazing and damn right impressive. At the beginning.
And so we fall for you. We let our guards down, we believe in you and start to think of you as our very own ‘hero’. For us, it’s a light bulb romantic moment. We commit our tender hearts to you and place them in your strong, capable hands.
But then, just when we think we’re living in some Mills & Boon novel and can’t believe our ridiculous luck, you weaken your grasp, let go of us and we fall back down to earth. The effort stops, the communication lessens, the compliments become rare. And sadly, the intensity and romance you so impressed us with in those early days becomes nothing but a distant memory.
Why? Well, because you mistakenly think that your chase is over. That because we allowed you to chase and catch us, that our heart and body are now yours forever. That your work is done and you can now hang up your romantic cap.
But you couldn’t be more wrong, my male friends. You couldn’t be more wrong.
Because I’l let you into another secret. When it comes to women, to keeping us and making us happy, your work has only just begun.
Don’t believe me? Then stop the effort and start taking us for granted and just see how long we’ll stick around. (Hint. It won’t be long.)
You leave it too late
Hands up. How many of you chaps have lost the woman you really loved, because you left it too late? Because you ignored your heart and followed your sensible, rational head?
Because you didn’t want to settle down too young, didn’t want to get trapped, thought that she’d wait for you, forever?
When it comes to ‘not knowing what you have until it’s gone’ you guys are hands down, the winners on this front. But why? Why do you leave it so late?!
Are you scared? Confused? Selfish? Complacent?
Let me tell you, that woman you’ve got your eye on whom you can’t get out of your head, won’t know you like her, unless you make it clear. The ‘ex’ whom you still love will never know that you’re sorry for messing up and want her back, unless you reach out and tell her.
The woman you love, will NOT wait for you forever, even if you are the love of your life. Trust me, when I tell you, that if you don’t act, you WILL lose the one that makes your world spin round.
Don’t look back in anger when you’re an old man and be filled with regret because you left it too late. Too many have and have ended up miserable, and alone.
You confuse glitter with diamonds
We know you are more visual. We know that you love our beauty and our bodies, but do you know something, if you look a little deeper you will find that we have much more loveable traits than just being appealing to your eyes.
To truly love a woman is to love all of her. To be enamoured by not just her physicality, but her wit, her intelligence, her kindness, her humour, her charm.
Too many men fall for a flash of cleavage, a hint of thigh and a made up face. Thinking they are in love with someone wonderful when really, all that skin deep stuff is merely just sparkly gift wrap.
You want to find a real diamond?! A real gem of a woman you will be proud to have on your arm and share you life with?
Then peel back the layers and look deeper. Yes, we want to want you to find us attractive, of course we do!
But please don’t discount what lies underneath our looks. Our beauty and womanly charms may indeed be fascinating to you but our real gift to you, the stuff that will make us priceless, are all the hidden gems underneath.
You’re scared a relationship will trap you
Arrrrgh! I’m sorry, but if there’s one thing that drives me bonkers about you men, it is THIS.
I’ve never really understand why you men are so terrified of being ‘trapped’ by a woman who loves you. One, because, well, I can say in total honesty, that I have never met one woman yet whose aim in live is to trap a man she loves.
And two, well because, let me clear, when it comes to being ‘trapped’ you guys have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about. Seriously.
You think, being in a relationship calls for much from you? Well then let me explain what it’s like for US.
If we marry you, it is us that are expected to sacrifice our name and our identity. If we bear your children, it is us that risk suffering physically, mentally, emotionally and financially.
Most of us work and earn our own money, but yet if we live with you, in the main, most of the housework and childcare is still carried out by us.
So you see my confusion? I can’t actually see what your problem is.
Yes, it is true, that we ask you to be committed and expect that you treat us well. And naturally we ask you to willingly and happily build a future and perhaps a legacy with us.
But sacrifice? Entrapment?! If you really do think that, well then you’ve either got the female sex totally wrong or you are with the wrong woman.
The most wonderful women I know don’t want to trap their men. They just want to love you, to share a life with you, to make you happy. They don’t ask for you to give up your freedom, your mates or your hobbies. They don’t – *gasps*- even want to be with you every single second of the day or expect you to pay for us either.
If you’re truly scared of commitment, then I say this. Be honest. Are you really just making an excuse or have you just lost your ‘balls’?
Because seriously chaps, if you’re scared of playing the game, perhaps it’s time you stopped wasting everybody’s time and stayed well out of it. Just don’t blame us, when you’re the one left on the sidelines, that no fabulous woman wants to pick.
Phew! I’ll be honest, that felt good! Apologies to the guys, if you feel like I’ve been too harsh on you but sometimes a big ol’ dollop of truth can work wonders right?
So ladies? What do you think? Have I been mean to the chaps? Are any of your men guilty of these?
And gentlemen! Do you forgive me? Have I been fair? Can you explain from your point of view why you make these humdingers? I would absolutely LOVE to hear your thoughts too.
Have a brilliant weekend everyone!
With love (and pouts)