AT the end of last year, I wrote a little letter to 2012, to thank it for giving me one of the best years of my life.

(You can read all about it why it was here.)

I found that writing the letter was a lovely and cathartic way to reflect on the 12 months that had gone by and so as we say goodbye to one year and look forward to bringing in the new, I’ve decided to keep up the tradition and write a wee note to 2013. And here it is… X

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Dear 2013,

If I had to sum you up in one little sentence, it would be this: chaotic and challenging.

Granted, this don’t sound the most positive way in which to describe you but as you know only too well, the last 12 months have been exactly these things.

Chaos has been a permanent fixture over the last 365 days and although it has become a friend of sorts, in all honesty, between you and I, I’m hoping that 2014 will be a little calmer. Don’t get me wrong, I love a bit of change, crave it in fact, but well, it’s been pretty bonkers at times throughout this year hasn’t it?

On a positive note, the chaos has brought much good into our little ‘Portman’ world. Our project house, although nowhere near finished, is finally beginning to look and feel like our home.

After much building mess and all the chaos that brought (do you remember all that mess?!), we have now firmly put our mark down on our house and are continuing to fall more in love with our home, as we tackle each renovation, one step at a time.

Chaos has also come in the form of many sleepless nights – which at times has rendered me absolutely useless – and toddler-dom! Yes, there is no ‘baby’ left now in my beautiful Elsie who has developed into a wonderful, funny, inquisitive and messy little toddler.

If you could have a word with your mate ‘2014’, tell him or her that I’d love a lot more unbroken sleep please over the next year. But as for anything else to do with Elsie…nope, I wouldn’t change a thing. I’m even beginning to love her mess. She may well be a whirlwind of mass destruction but she is also the best company, ever.

So onto the challenges… well, this is where you have absolutely excelled yourself 2013. Because I gotta tell you, you have thrown umpteen of them at me this year, really giving it to me both barrels!

Motherhood has been particularly challenging this year. I knew it would be, but boy oh boy. Mostly it has been fun and fulfilling but there have been times when it’s felt impossible, confusing and even a little lonely. I’ve really had to find my mothering feet and get to grips with all that is entailed when you’re a mummy to a little person.

There has been illness galore, weeks and weeks of little sleep, tantrums (of which I know there will be many more!) nursery issues and of course, the ol’ work/parenting juggle which is a constant struggle.

Other personal challenges have included getting to grips with unpleasant truths about some people that I love (the truth isn’t always easy nor kind), and the endless battle not to lose myself completely within motherhood. I’ve spent the year constantly trying my best to keep a bit of the old ‘Katie’ alive as I grow and develop and spread my motherhood wings.

Yes, 2013, it has been emotional. Sometimes brutal and most definitely exhausting, but you haven’t been all bad that’s for sure.

As a family we’ve celebrated a couple of happy milestones in Elsie’s life, including her christening and first birthday. Both wonderful events that we will will remember always. We enjoyed our first family holiday in Cornwall and Elsie has been introduced to all manner of fabulous things such as snow, sand, ice cream, shoes (!), parties, drawing, animals and swimming.

The husband has yet again done us proud and secured himself a brilliant new job and a promotion, which he’ll begin in the New Year and my career – after being putting on hold for a while to concentrate on being a new Mum – is now beginning to bloom again.

Pouting In Heels celebrated it’s first birthday back in February and well 2013, when it comes to my little ol’ blog, this is where you’ve been incredibly kind.

Because, even though I lost my blogging mojo and felt like chucking in the towel on more than one occasion, rather incredibly, my blog has gone from strength to strength this year and brought some amazing opportunities into my life.

Blogging highlights of the year include being named by Sainsburys Bank as one of their favourite baby blogs, being nominated for a couple of blogging awards (thank you gorgeous readers!) and seeing a huge jump in visitor numbers over the last few months. Yep, I’m loving the way you’ve helped me with the blog 2013 and can only hope that 2014 will be as generous.

So what else? Well this year I’ve strengthened friendships that needed a little work, welcomed some lovely people into my life as new friends, learnt to seek out more of the good in life and also, and perhaps more crucially, learnt to rid myself of much of the bad.

I’ve also become much more courageous. Yes 2013, this year, you’ve helped me to become bolder, braver, bigger and badder than I’ve ever been before.

You’ve not been an easy year and I can’t say I’m going to miss you but I am most definitely thankful for you and all the chaos and challenges you’ve brought into my world. You’ve taught me that I’m stronger, more capable and braver than I know and for this, I will always be grateful.

Goodbye and god bless 2013 – you’ve been one hell of a teacher.

With love and fondness,

Kate

  X