Am I good enough? (Yes, you are)
US women have a tough ol time’ getting by in this world I reckon.
We’re critiqued, we’re pulled apart, we’re pitted against each other.
We’re told how we should look, how we should dress, how we should behave.
The pressure is endless and it all adds up to this message: “You’re not good enough.”
If like me, sometimes you find yourself thinking this very thing and a bit too often for your liking, then read on my friends.
This letter is for you. And me. (Cos I need a good slap in the face sometimes too, or at least a gentle reminder that actually, all things considered, I’m actually ok really).
Where did it all begin ey? When did you start to hear that nagging, criticising voice inside your head that tells you that you’re not good enough? That you’re failing.
Do you think it begins when we hit puberty? Is it the media’s fault, all those photoshopped images of obscenely beautiful women we’re surrounded by and forced to look at continually. Is it because we are always taught as women and young girls, to be nice?
Perhaps it’s our parents’ fault. Did they not tell us that we are good enough? Or did we just fail to hear them or take any notice when they did?
Shall I let you into a secret?
There are many days in my life when I feel that I’m not good enough. I wish that wasn’t the case but it’s true.
I fight these days of course, like we all do, but there are times like when I’ve had not enough sleep or I’m struggling a bit with life, when that voice comes up from the deep and I struggle to silence it. To put a lid on it and kill the noise.
And if I’m not careful, the worse thing is I can start to believe it.
There are some days when I feel like a total, big fat failure. There are days when I feel that I’m not a good enough mum. Or wife. Or friend. Or human being.
There are days when I feel ugly, useless and untalented. I read my old blog posts and I think they’re crap. I look at my life and think I can and should do better. I think of the people I love and can only think of the times I might have failed them or let them down. I forget about all the good stuff and I focus on the rubbish.
And do you know what. It’s just so damn exhausting.
Are you with me?
It’s tiring putting up a fight isn’t it? It’s tiring to drag your sorry self out of bed sometimes and fight that nasty little voice. But yet fight it we must if we want to claim our place on this crazy ol’ planet and live a happy life.
We can’t let this feeling, this thread that exists throughout society which tells us we’re not good enough, to win. To strangle us. To make us trip up.
We just can’t. And I’ll tell you why.
Because it’s a lie my lovely friend. Because it’s nothing but a load of ol’ codswallop (damn, I love this word!) and it’s time we told it so. It’s time we told the ‘you’re not good enough voices’ where they can stick that message. The message which continually tries to undermine us and everything we try and do.
I don’t know where or how it begins. I just can’t figure it out.
I look at my daughter who is two and all I see is majesty and beauty. The thought of her ever thinking she is not good enough in any way tears at my soul. It is just unthinkable, because to me she is MORE than good enough. She is indeed everything.
She is light and joy and energy and love and everything wondrous that has even been or ever will be. To me anyway.
And even though I know it can feel impossible, I really think it’s time we begin to tell ourselves this too, and often.
To have the courage to whisper to ourselves that we are good enough. To believe that we are special.
You and I are different of course, but essentially we are the same. We may have different needs, different talents, different lives but we all have something to offer. We all deserve to be happy. We all have a desire to be valued and loved.
It’s not about looks, or talent. Of how much money you have or how big your house is.
It’s about realising that we are just as good as anyone else. That we are good enough as we are. And that even with a myriad of flaws, we are ok.
If no one has ever told you this, I hope you’ll at least take this from me and know that what I’m telling you, is the truth.
It’s ok to be scared. It’s ok to have self doubt and it’s brilliant to want to improve those areas of yourself that you’d like to change, but it’s not ok to think for one second that somehow you are not good enough. That for some reason you don’t make life’s grade.
So what should you do next time when that voice pops up in your head and you struggle to turn its volume down?
Well you do what you can only do to rude, overbearing voices which won’t let you get a word in edgeways. You reserve your words and use a physical gesture instead. Simple, to the point and very effective.
No worry about getting your words twisted here. Simply give it the middle finger and wait for it to shrink back to it’s nasty little hole. Or failing that come and see me and I’ll give it a piece of my mind instead.
It’s time to ignore the shit we are continually fed and it’s time to start smelling a sweeter kind of truth.
Because you are more than good enough, regardless of what that voice or anyone else tells you my friend. You really, really are.
And so am I.