Am I good enough? (Yes, you are)

Am I good enough

 

US women have a tough ol time’ getting by in this world I reckon.

We’re critiqued, we’re pulled apart, we’re pitted against each other.

We’re told how we should look, how we should dress, how we should behave.

The pressure is endless and it all adds up to this message: “You’re not good enough.

If like me, sometimes you find yourself thinking this very thing and a bit too often for your liking, then read on my friends.

This letter is for you. And me. (Cos I need a good slap in the face sometimes too, or at least a gentle reminder that actually, all things considered, I’m actually ok really).

——-

Dear friend,

Where did it all begin ey? When did you start to hear that nagging, criticising voice inside your head that tells you that you’re not good enough? That you’re failing.

Do you think it begins when we hit puberty? Is it the media’s fault, all those photoshopped images of obscenely beautiful women we’re surrounded by and forced to look at continually. Is it because we are always taught as women and young girls, to be nice?

Perhaps it’s our parents’ fault. Did they not tell us that we are good enough? Or did we just fail to hear them or take any notice when they did?

Shall I let you into a secret?

There are many days in my life when I feel that I’m not good enough. I wish that wasn’t the case but it’s true.

I fight these days of course, like we all do, but there are times like when I’ve had not enough sleep or I’m struggling a bit with life, when that voice comes up from the deep and I struggle to silence it. To put a lid on it and kill the noise.

And if I’m not careful, the worse thing is I can start to believe it.

There are some days when I feel like a total, big fat failure. There are days when I feel that I’m not a good enough mum. Or wife. Or friend. Or human being.

There are days when I feel ugly, useless and untalented. I read my old blog posts and I think they’re crap. I look at my life and think I can and should do better. I think of the people I love and can only think of the times I might have failed them or let them down. I forget about all the good stuff and I focus on the rubbish.

And do you know what. It’s just so damn exhausting.

Are you with me?

It’s tiring putting up a fight isn’t it? It’s tiring to drag your sorry self out of bed sometimes and fight that nasty little voice. But yet fight it we must if we want to claim our place on this crazy ol’ planet and live a happy life.

We can’t let this feeling, this thread that exists throughout society which tells us we’re not good enough, to win. To strangle us. To make us trip up.

We just can’t. And I’ll tell you why.

Because it’s a lie my lovely friend. Because it’s nothing but a load of ol’ codswallop (damn, I love this word!) and it’s time we told it so. It’s time we told the ‘you’re not good enough voices’ where they can stick that message. The message which continually tries to undermine us and everything we try and do.

I don’t know where or how it begins. I just can’t figure it out.

I look at my daughter who is two and all I see is majesty and beauty. The thought of her ever thinking she is not good enough in any way tears at my soul. It is just unthinkable, because to me she is MORE than good enough. She is indeed everything.

She is light and joy and energy and love and everything wondrous that has even been or ever will be. To me anyway.

And even though I know it can feel impossible, I really think it’s time we begin to tell ourselves this too, and often.

To have the courage to whisper to ourselves that we are good enough. To believe that we are special.

You and I are different of course, but essentially we are the same. We may have different needs, different talents, different lives but we all have something to offer. We all deserve to be happy. We all have a desire to be valued and loved.

It’s not about looks, or talent. Of how much money you have or how big your house is.

It’s about realising that we are just as good as anyone else. That we are good enough as we are. And that even with a myriad of flaws, we are ok.

If no one has ever told you this, I hope you’ll at least take this from me and know that what I’m telling you, is the truth.

It’s ok to be scared. It’s ok to have self doubt and it’s brilliant to want to improve those areas of yourself that you’d like to change, but it’s not ok to think for one second that somehow you are not good enough. That for some reason you don’t make life’s grade.

So what should you do next time when that voice pops up in your head and you struggle to turn its volume down?

Well you do what you can only do to rude, overbearing voices which won’t let you get a word in edgeways. You reserve your words and use a physical gesture instead. Simple, to the point and very effective.

No worry about getting your words twisted here. Simply give it the middle finger and wait for it to shrink back to it’s nasty little hole. Or failing that come and see me and I’ll give it a piece of my mind instead.

It’s time to ignore the shit we are continually fed and it’s time to start smelling a sweeter kind of truth.

Because you are more than good enough, regardless of what that voice or anyone else tells you my friend. You really, really are.

And so am I.

With love,

Kate

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45 Discussions on
“Am I good enough? (Yes, you are)”
  • This is a brilliant letter, I guess we all need a bit of a talking to every now and then. We spend our lives buoying up our daughters, nieces, friends and making them see how wonderful they are…I guess we forget to do the same to ourselves. Thank you for reminding me of its importance x

    • We do Carrie, you are right! I think we all need the reminder sometimes, hope it has reminded you to recognise your own fabulousness! x

  • oh beautiful post Katie!!! I had tears in my eyes when you started talking about your daughter, that’s exactly how I feel about my son! (and I’m sure every parent feels the same about theirs!). You are such an inspiring writer and woman, thank you, thank you, thank you xxx

    • Ah Susan. Thank you so much. I was nervous about posting this but your lovely comment (and everyone elses) has made me so glad I did x

  • Gorgeous post Kate and so true, we are all so hard on ourselves and it’s important to silence the self criticism and be kind to ourselves.

    I think I’m most hard on myself when I have PMT (those hormones can twist self-worth) but I’ve found the more your practice being confident even when you don’t feel it (in whatever area in life), the easier it becomes. It’s also about what you place value on, yes I love the pretty things in life as we all do but what truly matters is health and happiness for the ones we love and ourselves. Thanks for this lovely reminder to love ourselves more and you are so right, we must also do this for our kids too x

    • Wise words my darling, wise words indeed! Love what you say about practicing being confident too. I don’t think people realise that even the most confident of people have to fake it a little at times! x

  • Beautiful true words Kate; too often we judge ourselves and the world is too ready to judge us so we need to fight our own corner! The idea of my children ever feeling they are not good enough rends my heart and I hope that I can pour enough love and confidence into them that they always have a place in them that is filled with that unshakeable self-belief. Thankyou for this post, thankyou so much xx

  • Such a wonderful post. I’m one of the worst for being tough on myself, and in this toughest of years it’s been even worse. We have to give ourselves a good talking to, hold our heads up high but we need to drown out those negative voices, no matter how loud they are xxx

  • Fab post as always Mrs – you’re absolutely right to two-finger those voices. I think they move among us picking us off one at a time when we least expect it – although I’m sure PMT hormones have a part to play as Vicki says. As a child I was brimming over with confidence and I think I first heard the voices at University when I realised I’d chosen the wrong course and the wrong place to study. They grew louder in the black days of Post Natal Depression to the point of screaming but thankfully I learned to put them in a box and bang nails into the lid. Support networks like family, friendship, my love blog mates (of which you are one) and writing all help me silence the voices and move onwards and upwards. Let’s flip them the bird together! x

    • Haha! Oh Michelle I do love you! Yes, let’s flip the bird indeed. So delighted you manage to contain those stupid horrid voices. Well done! x

  • If we all added up the hours we spend berating ourselves with our inner voice and then converted those hours in the future to being kind to ourselves – and those around us – we’ll not only be reaching for the stars, we’ll be dancing up there with them. Lovely post Katie, always love your thought processes xx

  • Beautiful post Katie and absolutely what we all need to hear at some point. I had a rough day yesterday after baby keeping us up all night then screaming all day and I absolutely felt like a failure. Thankfully I silenced that voice and after a better nights sleep last night and a more settled baby, today is a much better day xx #allaboutyou

  • Brilliant post hun. I don’t ever want my children to think that they are not good enough, I think self worth is something that should be instilled from a young age. I don’t think it’s just women who struggle with this either, I think everyone has the feeling that they are not good enough from time to time.
    It’s something I do struggle with a lot, I’m always doubting myself, and I know I shouldn’t.

    Thanks for the pick me up x

  • I love reading your posts! You have a certain feisty edge to a lot of them and I think it would be a great time to sit and have a discussion with you! Another good post :) !

  • I feel like I needed to read this this week.

    Last weekend my dad was 60 so the family (including my aunt & uncle who I don’t see often) went for a lovely meal at Hotel du Vin during which I only spoke to my dad on my left, husband on my right and studiously avoided eye contact with everyone else in the fear that they might start a conversation with me and ask me questions about myself.

    I’m too embarrassed to talk about my life usually (apart from on the blog but I find that medium easier). I never feel as if I’m good enough.

    xx

  • Thanks. It is nice to hear and read something like this! We should really support each other! I think that with me I know when it all started. Really really young. Being compared to a beautiful sister. Being the ugly one. Yes they really call me that. Adults who think that words cant hurt a little girl. I am always wishing that my son wont meet people like them or if he ever will I hope that I have given him enough reassurance that he is good! #brillblogposts

  • This is such a wonderful post – I love it! Just what I needed to read to put a smile on my face at the end of the day!

    Emma | frillsanddoodads.com

  • Gorgeous letter Kate! Truly believing in ourselves is a must if we are to have a successful life but unfortunately so many people go through their lives with low self-esteem and are just not able to think nicely of themselves. We need more letters like this in the bloggershere xxx #brilliantblogposts

  • Thank you for this reminder. I don’t think it matters where we come from in the world or whether we are male or female, this sense of ‘not being good enough’ seems to ingrained in our culture these days. It all comes back to confidence and believing in ourselves, over the negative voices. Great post.

  • wow. This really is a birll blog post (where I found from!)
    I would hate for any of my kids to feel like they weren’t good enough. It would be a boring world if we were all the same, but one thing we are all, is good enough.

  • First of all, I know we’ve never actually met but I feel like I know you – know you pretty well actually. And I can tell you from what I know, you are an awesome woman – beautiful inside and out. This fab post only goes to prove just how awesome you are. Never, ever doubt your talent or beauty because if that’s true, there’s just no hope for the rest of us.

    I tell my daughters as often as I can how special they are and how proud I am of them. Hopefully building their confidence now will help fight against self-doubt in the future.

    Thanks for linking up to #SundayStars xxx

  • Love this letter! I rarely put myself first, I don’t know many people who do! I think we neglect ourselves far too much! We tell everyone else how great they are, let’s start saying it to ourselves :)

  • brilliant, I’m always filled with such self doubt its reassuring to hear others feel the same too, and your so right some days you jus need to shut that little voice up!
    Thanks for linking up #sundaystars

    • It’s all we can do Amy! And yes, it’s never just you. I think we all feel sometimes, happens to the best of us! x

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