OK, so you didn’t really expect me not to cover ‘love’ today did you?
I mean really, how can I not?! Love is what makes the world go round and creates lots of beautiful babies after all.
At 34 years of age, I am, by no stretch of the imagination, a love guru. No, no, no.
But like most of us, I’ve loved, been loved and had my heart absolutely ripped apart too. I’m been shown love my entire life by my nearest and dearest. By my parents, grand parents, siblings and wonderful friends. And also at times, by strangers.
I’ve also experienced the most powerful love of all, the unconditional love that comes with parenthood. I can honestly say that there is no one in the world I love as deeply as my daughter.
But for today’s post, I’m talk ingabout romantic, passionate, sexual love. The soulmate kind. The one that makes many of us a bit stir crazy from time to time.
Here are five things that I know – and have learned – about love. (Please do feel free to chip in with your comments below!x)
Love should blow your mind
Not literally of course. That wouldn’t be very nice.
But love – mad, sweep you off your feet love – should not be pleasant, ok or just plain nice. It should shake you to your core. Make you want to move mountains. Take your breath away.
If it doesn’t, I don’t care what anyone says, it’s not the real deal. There are far too many things in life that are mediocre. And love is not and should not be one of them.
If someone doesn’t give you butterflies, doesn’t warm your cockles, doesn’t pop up in your dreams, doesn’t make you want to be a better version of yourself, then they’re not the love of your life. Trust me. That I know.
Love can hurt…but it won’t always
Sometimes falling in love or loving someone can feel more like a punishment than something to sing about.
When you love someone, who doesn’t love you back or when you fall head over (high) heels for someone you shouldn’t, it can actually hurt like hell.
Sometimes being in a relationship can feel pretty traumatic and brutal too. Crossed wires, cross words, insecurities and lack of communication, can all inflict damage on our fragile hearts. Yep, sometimes loving someone can totally and utterly suck.
But here’s the thing. It won’t always. If you love someone who doesn’t love you, one day you’ll learn to love them from afar and wish them well. If you love someone you shouldn’t, you never know, one day the timing might be right. And if your relationship is presently rather rocky, just remember, overcoming tough times often makes us stronger.
So yes, hearts can be easily damaged, but they can also heal too.
Love isn’t an excuse to get away with dreadful behaviour
In what was undoubtedly the worst ‘love’ experience of my life, I spent 18 months in a relationship with a man who continually chipped away at my heart and shattered any notions I had about romantic love.
He said the cruellest things, took pleasure in humiliating me, hurt me both physically and mentally, and the most ridiculous thing is, that it was all in the name of ‘love’.
He loved me ‘too much’ you see. His words. Not mine.
He used to tell me that he couldn’t handle how much he loved me, couldn’t survive without me, was only controlling because he loved me, didn’t want anyone else to look at me because he loved me, didn’t want me to do anything without him… yep you guessed it, because he loved me.
I’ve never heard so much bollocks in all my life. But at the time I knew no different and believed him.
Now I know that love might hurt sometimes (see above) but it shouldn’t all the time. That love is NOT about words, but about actions. That how you treat someone is what demonstrates how much you really love them. And most of all, that love is never an acceptable excuse for truly awful behaviour.
Being in love and being loved makes you feel like you can conquer the world. It makes you want to be better, the very best version you can be. It makes you want to achieve amazing things.
It makes you want to make a baby, create a home, see the world, build a life. Together. You take comfort in the fact that you’re a team. A dynamic duo against the world.
We can of course all survive perfectly fine on our own, but there’s nothing like having a hero or heroine waiting in the wings to swoop down and rescue us, just in case we ever need it. And that in itself is very empowering.
Love is not lust…but yet love needs lust
Ooh lust. It hasn’t half gotten me in trouble from time to time. When I was much younger, I often got it confused with love.
Now, older and a little wiser, I know that lust doesn’t always turn into love. That just because someone makes you weak at the knees doesn’t mean you’ll want to grow old with them.
However, I also believe that you can’t be madly, passionately and happily in love without lust either. If your loved one doesn’t make your heart leap and get your loins stirring, then you’re missing out on a whole lot of fun. What’s more, you’ll always be tempted to jump ship, the first time you meet someone who does have that affect on you.
So what’s the difference between the two?
Well in my humble opinion, lust is what makes you want to get down and dirty! (Oooo er)! When you feel the urge to rip someone’s clothes off right this very second.
Whereas sweet, wonderful love makes you feel like you want to lie wrapped in someone’s arms forever. (All together now, awwww!) It’s what compels you to replay voicemails over and over just so you can hear their voice. It’s what makes you put someone else’s happiness instinctively before your own.
In a nutshell, lust hits the groin whereas love strikes right for the heart.
Love. It’s a funny ol’ thing isn’t? Complicated, overwhelming and sometimes painful, but yet totally magical when you find it. I don’t know about you but I never want to imagine a life without it.
Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! Remember, if you’re single or having a tough time in love, that today isn’t just about romantic love. It’s about loving EVERYBODY who rocks your world – family, children and friends so embrace the day if you can.
With LOVE! Always!