AS I started the week talking about secrets and people’s stories, I thought I’d carry on my ‘secret’ conversation with today’s Friday Five.
Are you ready? Ok, here we go.
Here are five things about secrets, that I know for sure.
Everyone has a secret
From little teeny weeny secrets to great big mammoth ones, everyone on this planet has at least one secret that they’re protecting, whilst most of us (just me?!) will have many, many more.
And this my good friends, is what makes us all fascinating! For whilst we may like to think we know everything about the people close to us, in reality, we can never really know what’s going on inside a person’s mind or heart.
And you know what? That’s ok. I’m happy with that because we’re all entitled to some privacy and personal space. Plus a little bit of mystery is a good thing.
Not all secrets are bad
As a child we’re taught that keeping secrets to ourselves can be harmful. And for a very good reason too. However, as we get older, we begin to realise that this isn’t always the case.
Secrets can be protectors of happy surprises for a loved one, a guardian of beans that need not yet be spilled (like when a couple find out they’re expecting) and a keeper of true love stories. All good, happy, luscious secrets, kept for valid reasons.
Some secrets should definitely be shared
As I said in my earlier post, I truly believe that the more honest and open we are, the more we can help and learn from each other. Which is why in the main, I think most secrets should be shared.
So firstly, if you are keeping some secret pain all to yourself, it’s time to unload it and let someone ‘in’.
Whether you’re battling postnatal depression, frightened you’re going to lose your job or just struggling to get out of bed in the morning, don’t keep these kind of secrets to yourself. For these are ones you need to share for your own good. People cannot help you until they know you need them. So tell your secret and let people love and support you. There’s no need for you ever to suffer in silence.
Secondly, if you can inspire or enlighten people with your secret, then do!
Sharing our stories can be incredibly inspiring for people to hear. We all love to listen to people who have been through (and survived!) what we’re experiencing or about to come up against. Or to hear about people who have achieved or are achieving wonderful things against all the odds. As human beings, we want the happy ending. We want to see the light at the end of the tunnel. We want to know that everything will be ok. Sharing a secret has THE power to do this and a whole lot more.
And the added bonus?
Sharing a secret also has the power to lift a weight off your shoulders. Carrying your secrets around with you can be a burden so if you feel like something is weighing heavy and is too much for your shoulders to bear, be brave, take a deep breath and share away.
Some secrets should definitely NOT be shared
Whilst most secrets should be shared, there are occasions when some secrets should remain hidden away, kept from prying eyes and listening ears, under lock and key.
These – for me – include those of a pleasant ‘surprise’ nature (because by sharing the secret, it would or could ruin a lovely surprise) and all of those that would only ever create damage and lasting harm.
Some skeletons just need to stay in the closet, because a secret should surely only ever be shared if some good can come of it. If lifting the lid on a secret would only cause destruction and pain, it’s best kept buried.
You should always handle someone’s secret with care
This one just goes without saying doesn’t it?
It can be a burden protecting someone else’s secret I grant you. However it can also be a privilege. It all depends of course on what the secret is and your involvement to it or with the person who tells you.
Sometimes our job as a mum, sister, friend or daughter, is just to listen. Let someone share their heartfelt secret and then keep the ‘story’ to ourselves. Other times we may need to help someone with their secret, so they can deal with it and move on. And sometimes we may be given a secret that becomes a burden.
In most cases, when it comes to other people’s secrets, it is not our place to share their stories. However there are and will of course be exceptions. Times when you must or just have to share.
In all cases, I say this. When it comes to knowing what to do with a secret, always trust your gut, for your instinct already knows what you need to do. As long as you are respectful, kind and coming from a good place (with no hidden agenda), people’s secrets – and your own – will be in safe hands.
Till the next time,
P.S If you have an inspirational secret to share, why not share it with me on Pouting In Heels?!
A new guest series called ‘Your Secrets’ will be starting on this blog very soon and I’m currently looking for some gutsy volunteers! To find out all the details, read Tuesday’s post here. x