five things you can do to spice up your love life

AS a knackered parent getting down and dirty between the sheets is often the very last thing on my mind these days.

Most parents will know that life is full on, there’s often very little time for a decent conversation, let alone anything else let’s face it!

Then add into the mix;  work, life, house stuff, errands, as well as trying to squeeze in seeing friends and family, and it’s no wonder that our love lives, rather than being smoking hot, become well, a little luke warm.

But yet it’s so important isn’t it?

Sex may not be everything but it’s pretty damn vital to maintaining a happy and healthy relationship. And of course if you’re wanting to extend your family further and think about having another child, well it’s pretty pivotal stuff! ;-)

If your love life has gone on the back burner of late or if things have got a little stale, fret not. Here are five things you can do to spice things up a little. (Or things that have worked for me)


1. Make sex a priority

I get it, life is busy and everything else has to come first (no pun intended), but if things have got a bit bumpy relationship wise, it’s time to nudge your love life up your to do list and make sex a priority.

Think back to the days when you first met and you couldn’t get enough of each other. Remember them?

It’s so easy to get dragged into a routine especially when you’re a mum – you’re looking after the kids, working, cooking, cleaning etc but sometimes you just have to leave the pots alone and put your sexual needs first!

If you really do struggle to find the time, then schedule some sexy time into your diary! Seriously. Block out sections of time in your diary and make sure nothing else is allowed to interfere with it.


2. Get away for an evening

Routine is the killer of passion. I firmly believe this. It’s difficult to feel sexy and passionate when you’re surrounded by mountains of washing and piles of kids toys.

So from time to time, if you can, get away for an evening.

Yes it’s tough leaving your child / children for a night – especially if they’re little – but it won’t kill them, not once in a while. Treat yourselves to a night in a swanky hotel and let unfamiliar surroundings (and a little luxury and room service) spice up your life. (Thanks Spice Girls!)


3. See yourself as sexy

Ok before you snort with laughter or roll your eyes, listen up. To be sexy, to act sexier and to want more sex, you have to feel sexy. It all starts with you.

When I feel attractive, when I’ve had some time to myself, when I’ve managed to shave my legs, I feel happier and sexier in general.

Yes, my husband in all fairness would still no doubt ravish me even if I look a bit bedraggled or not at my best, but it’s not about him, it’s about me.

The more you try and see yourself as a sex goddess, the more you will feel like one and this my friends, can only be a good thing for you AND your partner.

How do you start seeing yourself as one? Easy!

Start appreciating your own beauty. Find some time for yourself. Pamper yourself. Treat yourself to expensive lingerie. Take care with your appearance. Lighten up a bit. Think naughty thoughts.

I guarantee if you’re never in the mood for nookie (damn, I love this word!) it’s probably because you’re too tired (we all understand this) and feeling unhappy about yourself. And whilst seeing yourself in a sexier light won’t unfortunately help the tiredness, it definitely will make you feel better and a lot more frisky I promise.


4. Experiment and have some fun

Mix things up a bit, have some fun, try something different. As my Gran once said: “there’s never any excuse to be bored”  and this applies to your sex life too!

Live a little and do something you would never normally do. Try out each other’s fantasies. Send naughty texts. Watch a sexy film. Go on a saucy date night.

And if all else fails, get yourself a subscription for the new erotic service Daring Box which has just launched. Every two months you’ll receive a different themed box filled with naughty goodies to help make you both a little more adventurous. (Last week I received the UK’s first box and well, let’s just say, both the husband and I are already huge fans). Ooh la la!


5. Be more intimate

And by this I mean, in general. Talk more, be open with your partner, hold hands, cuddle up on the sofa together and put your mobile phones away. (Or even better switch them off.)

Act more loving towards each other and laugh more! A happy sex life stems from a happy intimate relationship. So find time for each other, be more affectionate, inject a little romance and be naughty from time to time. All of these will do absolute wonders and leave you wanting much much more.


Ladies, what do you think? How do you make time for ‘sexy time’? Has your love life gone off the boil or are you still simmering away nicely? Would love to hear you thoughts on this one! ;-)

With love,






Pic credit – taken by Masque Photography


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29 Discussions on
  • Great post Katie. It is hard separating being mum to being ‘sexy partner’ and by actually trying to see yourself as sexy – most of the time, that would be the last adjective I’d use to describe myself :-) For a few weeks, my hubby is living at our house with the dog while I’m living with my kids (20, 18 and 14) at a rented flat while family home is being refurbished and is unliveable (well, husband and dog can just about handle it!) and it’s horrible being apart with just a few snatched catch ups during the day. So, I will take on board your tips and look forward to my family being back together properly and our house being finished – especially the bedroom! ;-) x

    • It is, it really is but you know, we have to give the spice alive don’t we? Enjoy your finished bedroom! ;-) X

  • Before children our sex life was smoking hot, now it’s barely an ember. We definitely need to put some spice back into it. I may just try out this Daring Box subscription so we have an excuse and a motivator every so often. Xx

    • It’s ace Franki, you should definitely give it a go. It’s naughty which obviously spices things up but also so naughty we were also in hysterics from time to time too! And we’re exactly the same – having small children and getting little sleep – causes havoc on your sex life but remember it’s quality not quantity that counts too. x

  • Ha, I love nookie (the word, and well, y’know!), and it is so true that while life does get tiring, you have to make space for the importance of physical contact in a relationship. Having someone who adores you and shows you that they do does help enormously, not so much to amp up the goddess factor, but to make you want to share your goddessness (yep, totally made that word up) with them! Personally, nothing like building a bit of anticipation through the day! Love your frankness and empowerment, shame the hubby is away on business! xxx

  • No.5 – Be more intimate. I NEED this sort of non sexual intimacy to feel connected and sexy. My relationship lacks this so very badly. Our sex life is non existent because we have little time for each other and when do spend time together it’s not quality time. Sex has never been a priority really but it would be nice to get some intimacy back. What little time we spend together is spent talking about mundane things and ‘what do you fancy for dinner tomorrow’…
    Question is can a relationship survive without sex? How important is it to a long relationship? I have to say I don’t really miss sex at all, I miss the intimacy. Can I survive long term without sex? I think I can. Can I survive without intimacy in the long term? I’m not so sure…

    • Yes intimacy is where everything begins. You have to be intimate together through your souls and words before any sexy magic can happen. I hope things improve for you x

    • It is and it’s hard to feel sexy when you’re a mum and knackered etc… I always find that some pampering and new lingerie helps though! x

    • Yes, I’m glad to hear that Katy. In my humble opinion, I think a hotter sex life does stem from us and how sexy we see ourselves. Hope you start to see yourself as the gorgeous woman you are very soon! x

  • Great post. Its so hard becoming a ‘mum’ for the first time, to then see yourself as ‘sexy’ (cringe!) but its something I’m working on. I’m 11 months in with my baby and now the Mr & I realise that our relationship has suffered, we’ve booked some time away in March, 2 nights in a hotel, wahoo! I think some time away is the most important one here as it hopefully gives you time to reconnect minus pesky baby! x

    • Ah it so is! For so many reasons too – your body has changed, you’ve become a Mum, someone else needs you more than anyone etc etc. Glad to hear you’ve got a couple of nights away – enjoy and here’s hoping you’ll some decent sleep too! x

  • Ooh la la indeed! Now I’m very intrigued as to what was in that box!! I totally agree with all your points. My hubby and I always make sure we make time for each other and put our relationship first. We’ve actually got a night away planned at the end of the month, now maybe I need to look into that box thing… tee hee hee

    • Ah good for you! We have a night away planned next weekend and I can’t wait! ;-) The box is very naughty, and is definitely worth a try! (It’s also French so you know it’s naughtiness with class)

  • So nicely put! I loved reading such an honest & thought provoking post. And….oh la la indeed!! They deliver to Luxembourg!!! Perfect Valentine’s gift for my lovely husband :):)
    Thank you for linking at #AllAboutYou linkup party where I’m co-hosting with the lovely Zaz.

  • Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! and Yes! Thank you Katie for sharing this brilliant post so openly, so plainly, so honestly! It is a perfect platform for opening up discussion about sex and in particular women’s attitudes to it and perceptions of it. Weekly post please! We all need the reminders I’m sure! Loved it! #AllAboutYou

  • phew whee! I’m feeling a bit hot under the collar here ;)

    Jokes aside you are so on the money here, Katie! we were just discussing last night (well, Mike likes to bring up the good old days on a regular basis!!) that “things” have changed. Lots of it is definitely down to me too and how I feel about myself. I think I might switch around some of my priorities ;)

    Thanks for linking up lovely, another fabulous post and you are so gorgeous in that photo!!!

    #TheList xx

    • Haha! Love you and your wonderful comments. They always make me smile. You’re hot lady! He’s a lucky man x

  • Sometimes it can be difficult to find the time for each other but it is so important. With illnesses, cleaning, jobs and everything else it can seem like there’s no time for nookie but we must MAKE time. I love your tips, they’re all right. Another thing you can do is think about sex a little more, imagine what you might do and when the time comes you’re all the more excited! ;)

    • Thanks Morgan and I LOVE your tip. You’re so right, the more naughty thoughts you have, the naughtier you end up feeling. ;-) x

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