FEELING LIKE A LOSER (BUT BEIND OK WITH IT)

PoutingFINAL 19

 

I FELT liked I’d been punched in the stomach on Friday.

For about five or ten minutes, I felt short of breath and just absolutely gutted.

Because I couldn’t spot my blog name you see.

I couldn’t spot Pouting In Heels on a list of blogs that had made the finals for a major blogging award.

And I couldn’t spot Pouting In Heels because I hadn’t made it.

Boo blinkin’ hoo, my beloved blog hadn’t made the cut.

My blog didn’t make the final five in the writer category for the BiBs 2015 and even though I wanted to be ok with it, even though I thought I would be ok with it, the reality is, I wasn’t.

The reality is, it bloody stung.

The reality is, I felt wounded.

Not easy to admit, but that’s the truth.

I’m not even sure I should really be sharing this and I’ll be honest, I’ve been in two minds about writing this at all.

One, because I know that in the grand scheme of things, missing out on being chosen for the finals of a blogging award, is absolutely no big deal. No big deal AT ALL. Just a microscopic, disappointing blip on another wise, blessed life.

And two, because well, it’s all a bit woe is me, which is isn’t, well, really me at all!

But I asked you guys to nominate me for these awards and I asked for your votes. And so I feel I owe it to you to be honest.

And to my fellow bloggers too.

Because the truth is, no matter how well you think you’re doing in life, no matter how confident and self assured you think you are, feeling like a failure, hurts.

It hurts your pride and stings your ego. It makes you feel unloved, talentless and like a big fat loser, with a capital L.

And let’s face it, none of us like to feel like that. But yet not many of us will admit to it.

And so I’m saying it. Rejection hurts.

Not making the finals of the BiBs hurt.

But I’m also saying this- that’s OK. And I am OK.

The hurt didn’t last too long thankfully. After the initial ‘stomach punch’ I accepted the fact that I hadn’t made the finals because clearly, I just wasn’t good enough.

I visited the blogs of the final five who had made it, soaked in their words and smiled. Because they were all fan-f**king-tastic and I got it.

They deserved it.

More than me.

So things were as exactly as they should be.

Their writing was awesome and if nothing else, at least I’ve now found five new fabulous blogs to read and love.

So I accept I’m not good enough yet. That this blog isn’t good enough yet.

I didn’t touch enough hearts, minds and souls with my words.

Not enough people thought I deserved their vote (which is perfectly ok).

And the judges didn’t think I deserved to go through on merit.

All of this is hard to swallow. I’d be lying if I said it isn’t. (I’ve always prided myself on touching people’s hearts and imaginations if nothing else.)

But clearly I haven’t done enough yet and that is something I accept. That is something I have to accept.

Because when you feel like a loser or when someone chooses someone or something else over you, you’ve got to think like a winner and ‘get real’ and face the cold hard truth.

You have to force yourself to face the reality, suck it up, learn and move the hell on.

And I have learned, that I’ve got much more work to do.

So if I’m never nominated for another award in my entire life, one thing’s for sure, this whole experience has inspired me to be a better writer. To be a more emotive writer.

And that is no bad thing.

My favourite writer on the planet, James Altucher, says that to become an expert at something, we have to spend 10,000 hours on it first.

So in blogging terms, this means I’ve probably got about 8,500 hours left before I deserve to be on any podium in a fancy frock, thanking my nearest and dearest. Remembering this helps too.

And what else have I learned?

Well I’ve learned that being a good loser is hard and requires effort.

When you’re feeling like utter s**t, it’s often difficult to celebrate other people’s success and only natural to want to shoot a few poisoned arrows in their direction at first (I think!).

But I’ll be damned if I’m going to let my dented ego get in the way of me celebrating my blogging friends that did make the finals or wishing them well.

So I do and more importantly, I mean it.

I wish them and every other blogger who’s made it to the finals, the very best of luck and will be cheering them on, with bandaged pride or not.

And I’ve learnt that losing can actually offer some relief. And a bit of respite from pressure.

No longer do I feel the urge to perform at my absolute best because I need to impress. No longer do I have to feel embarrassed about asking for votes (does any blogger ever feel comfortable doing this?!).

No longer do I need to worry or wonder ‘what if’ because the universe has spoken.

So in a weird way, although I did feel like a total loser on Friday, I actually feel lighter now. Freer too.

And finally.

Finally I learnt that just because you feel like a loser does NOT mean you are one.

Nope. Not one bloody or bruised bit.

And as I was reminded over the weekend by some very kind people, not making the cut, not making the finals, doesn’t mean that my work is wasted.

So I’m focusing on to the bits that make me feel good.

I’m remembering making the shortlist and being so bloody grateful to those of you who got me there.

I’m remembering the comments I get daily, that make me giddy with joy and I’m remembering that an award – whilst it would have been nice – does not determine my worth.

It’s not my time. I’m not ready. And the universe clearly has different plans.

So thank you for your faith in me.

And please, be rest assured that even though I ‘lost’, I’m holding firmly on to mine.

———

Big thank you to EVERYONE who did vote for me and best of luck to every single blogger who’s up for one of the awards. x

With love,

Kate

Lips

 

 

 

 

 

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38 Discussions on
“FEELING LIKE A LOSER (BUT BEIND OK WITH IT)”
  • Can I just say, that I absolutely, no diggity, no way, agree with you that your blog was not short-listed because it wasn’t good enough. That is not true at all. When I voted for you, I went through all of the blogs in your category and found that yours was very much the brilliant blog I thought it was and offered a voice and a perspective that I have not seen elsewhere. I literally read EVERYTHING you write!!! Awards are amazing, they really are and they are great to validate all of the hard work that any blogger puts into their blog BUT not being shortlisted or even going on to win an award does not mean that it’s because your blog didn’t cut the grade. Voting aside, do we really know how much else is taken into consideration during the awards process? Social media stats? Influence? Topicality? Popularity, maybe? Who knows? A few years ago, I saw that a blog had won a very prestigious industry award and this winning blog, although a nice blog, it didn’t even have a comments section available on its posts! I kid you not. And some of the other blogs in that category were amazing, and so sharp and sophisticated with fab content, yet they did not win. So you really never ever know why blogs get through to finals or win but you sure do know that it isn’t because your own blog isn’t good enough (it is), or that you’re not a good enough writer (you are.) So there!

    • Natasha, where do I begin? Thank you for your faith in me, thank you for reading everything (really everything?!) I write and thank you for doing your best to make me feel better about it all. So kind of you and you should know, it definitely, DEFINITELY, helped :) xxx

  • What a fabulous post honey, so genuine and honest. I so admire your attitude and I really thought you would be on the list. I am sure the universe has amazing plans for you my dear xxxx

  • Katie, I don’t think not being included in the final list has anything to do with your blog not being good enough. Not by a long shot. These things are subjective, and it’s just their opinion. So many people – including me! – love your blog, and your writing. Please don’t feel like what you do isn’t good enough. I felt the same when I found I wasn’t in the finals, too. The thing is I think, we can know intellectually and rationally that awards aren’t what it is about, they aren’t our motivation but not being included can really sting. We put so much of ourselves in to our blogs, it can be difficult to not take it personally. You are fantastic, please don’t change! Looking forward to more hugs and lots of wine at BML in a couple of weeks. Much love xxxx

    • Thank you darling. That’s so kind of you to say. Cannot wait to see you very soon. Love as always xxx p.s You are always a winner to me. Always.

  • I feel so sad you feel like this. You have an amazing blog and you write so wonderfully. I got shortlisted in the Family category and felt amazed that I had been included in a top ten list amongst some fabulous bloggers whom I admire so greatly. However I constantly felt questioned as to why I was on the list and that I didn’t deserve to be there. I think the last few days have made me realise that writing is subjective. Different people have different tastes. You don’t need an award to be told that you are a fantastic blogger (although it would help!). You have loads of loyal readers and you are an inspiration to many – including me x

    • Thanks so much Karen. Wonderful wise words that are incredibly kind too. You’re spot on of course, different people have different tastes, it is impossible to cater for all. I hope you realise that you TOTALLY deserved to be on that shortlist. xxx

  • Kate, I am a new reader, but I have loved every single one of your posts so far. Probably this one the most actually – I love your honesty, and I love the way you use your negative experiences to try to lift the people around you and to make them feel less alone. You always seem to post at the right time to – whatever I happen to be feeling you often mirror in a post that day and make me feel alright about life! I think that when we are good at something it’s easy to want to be ‘the best’ but sometimes it’s about changing your perception of what that actually means. Xx

    • Oh goodness Elizabeth! See – this comment – is exactly why I gave myself a kick up the bottom when I was feeling like a failure, because it is comments like this, from lovely readers like you, which is ABSOLUTELY why I blog. So thank you so, so much.

      I’m so thrilled you think my blog is talking to you personally! I often find that when we need to read something, it will appear, so I’m chuffed to hear it’s happening for you with my work. Either that or we are totally on the same length! Thanks ever so much Elizabeth. And your last line is an absolute belter. I’m pinching that one, if that’s ok? :) x

  • Oh lovely, I’m so sorry you felt the way you did. Well done though for writing this post – it’s exactly the reason why people like me keep coming back to read more. Your honesty is so inspiring. The universe of course has great plans – we might not all agree with them, but we’re allowed to feel hurt! You know as well as I do that there’s no way to make awards seem fair. Many of the blogs I voted for didn’t make the final fives- but, different blogs reach out to different people. And that is what makes all of this blogging malarkey so brilliant. Love you, love your blog, love your writing – keep it coming xx

    • Ah that’s so true Kiran. Different strokes for different folks as they say. Thank you for your ridiculously kind words. They mean ever so much. Truly. xxx

  • I totally expected to see your blog up there. I love reading your posts and think it deserves to be there. I’m with Natasha and her comment too. Summed it up, I totally get why you felt how you did, but please keep going. Love love love reading. K

    • Thank you lovely lady and don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere! :) Huge congratulations to you on making the finals and the very best of luck! xxx

  • I applaud you for writing this post. You’re saying what so many people are thinking. And others have said this but it really isn’t a failure – being shortlisted is huge! That said, it’s so so hard when you don’t make it to the next stage because we put so much of ourselves into our blogs – it’s natural for it to feel like a personal blow. Love the attitude of using it to progress – exactly what I do :)

    • Thanks Alison :) I was really nervous about posting it because I didn’t want people to think I was feeling sorry for myself or that it’s a sour grapes type thing, because it’s not the case. so many of us ‘fail’ at things in our lives or feel like failures but we never talk about it, do we? Anyway I thought I’d try and stand out and say “IT’S OK TO FAIL!” even if it bloody hurts.;-)

    • Thanks Lianne. Very kind of you to say but I think well, as I said, it just wasn’t meant to be, this time :) X

  • Well done on posting this Katie, I really admire your honesty. I made the shortlist, but didn’t make the finals either and I felt exactly the same way as you. It’s slightly different for me because I have won a couple of awards before, a BIB award and a MAD Blog Award and therefore I felt disappointed as I almost feel like my blog isn’t good enough anymore.

    Of course we can’t keep going on and winning awards every year, that isn’t how life works, but when you put your heart and soul into something and have done for a long time, it almost feels like a step backwards. The rational side of me thinks well I have won it before and it’s time for someone else to have their moment, but when I am working just as hard as ever, of course I am bound to be disappointed.

    Like you said, you can keep going, keep progressing and you WILL get your time to shine, I can assure you of that. I am in a funny old place with it really as I don’t really know what this says about my blog. But I do know that I absolutely love writing it as much as I have done for the last four years so will keep carrying on- documenting my family life is something I get immense pleasure from.

    And being shortlisted is AMAZING- so congratulations for that! x

  • Still can’t quite believe your blog wasn’t there. I absolutely love everything you write, and as you know your posts have been our Sunday Stars favourite quite a lot. I always thought you would be in the outstanding category. Great post about it. Thanks for linking up to #sundaystars

  • I am a quiet fan of yours and can’t believe your blog wasn’t up there. Thank you for being honest though, it’s the best way to be #sundaystars xx

  • I know it’s easy to say and not necessarily helpful, but please don’t think of your blog as “not good enough”. You’re blog is a little piece of you and it is fabulous. At the end of the day, the judges are only a few people out of the millions in the world, and it is only their opinion. You seem to have a lot of loyal readers who come back to your blog day after day which speaks volumes about your talent as a writer. You rock! #SundayStars

  • Katie, I think that many of our blogs are good enough. Better, even. My blog is tiny. I don’t get to write as often as I would love to, and similarly don’t have (or make) enough time to dedicate to its aesthetics etc as I’d like.

    Similarly, my blog is odd. It really is. I write about lots of stuff, some things one group of people may like, but may dislike other posts I write just as much.

    This is ok. This is me. This is who I am and this is what makes the people in my life like/love me. My oddness, my diversity, my passions for different things. Some of the people that mean the most to me in my life (my father in particular) adore my blog, the way I write and the content. All of it. If these people suddenly said that they no longer enjoyed my blog, I would be truly gutted.

    You being a much bigger blogger than me undoubtedly have a larger extension of people who read your blog and that you love and respect equally as much. These are the people who are commenting with their support on this post and continue to return to your wonderful variety of posts.

    You are undoubtedly good enough for the writer awards – of course you are! You’re winning little awards all of the time. And you are also winning an award of writing in actually doing it – actually writing, and writing for a living. Do you know how many years I’ve been a ‘writer’, but didn’t actually write anything? About 20 years. 20 years of my life I did not write a single thing for my own pleasure, my own gain, my own outlet. This sucks.

    Not everyone will be in the competitions. Not everyone will be short-listed. Not everyone will win. But there are so many worthy contenders – and honey, of course you are one of them. And definitely judge yourself on how you feel when you post a cracking post, and on the people that read and enjoy your blog.

    Big love to you xxxx

  • Oh Katie, you know, your blog is amazing and your writing is always brilliant and inspiring. There are SO MANY blogs out there and so many people asking for votes for the Bibs, Mads and other awards, that just because you didn’t make the final five doesn’t mean that your blog is no good and you’re a loser. Not one bit. Just look at all these gorgeous comments. I didn’t make the shortlist at all and was disappointed but to be honest, I don’t think that means my blog is worthless it just means people voted for other people! There are other years. Love your blog. Keep smiling lovely. xx #sundaystars

  • Aaah Katie — I was *so* surprised not to see your blog in that (very short) shortlist. Your blog is super inspiring and SO professional. I love the fact that I can hear your voice in each post too. That said, the universe works in mysterious ways — it obviously has other plans for you pet. Don’t be disheartened xx

    Caro | http://www.thetwinklediaries.co.uk

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