Chatting with my new best friend – Me

PoutingFINAL 45

I’VE been talking to myself a lot lately.

(Although to be fair, I always talk to myself, so no great news here.)

But what is different though, is the way in which I am talking to myself. And the language that I’ve been using.

Because I’ve been working on it you see.

The words that I use for my internal dialogue. The phrases that I say. And I’ve been working hard at it too. Like really hard. If you ask me, I deserve a big gold star for effort.

Anyway, a few months ago I realised that the way in which I spoke to myself wasn’t working. Nor was it doing me any good. In fact, more than likely, it was probably doing me great harm.

My internal dialogue had become rubbish. My mind filled with too much junk.

We all do it I think at some point? Or must of us do anyway.

We let the thoughts in our heads run wild and our negative chatter go on a rampage through our fragile minds. We berate ourselves. We yell dramatically. We whisper nasty little things. And we sometimes even mock.

“I can’t do this. I’ll fail. People will hate me. Again! Like that time I …”

“I’m useless. Why did I do that? I’m always cocking up and making mistakes. I’m never going to learn. What a f**k up!”

“My friend hates me. I’m sure of it. Why does she look at me, like that? Maybe I’m a rotten friend. I don’t deserve her.”

And on it goes.

Like a runaway train, our thoughts take on a journey off their own and lead us to a destination we’d never actually chosen to visit, but somehow find ourselves dropped off there.

Over the years I’ve worked hard on my inner dialogue. And I’ve read all kinds of books – you know the self help type ones – and tried to take on board their wisdom.

Without doubt, they helped. The kinder I was to myself, the more conscious I was of my internal voice, the more powerful I felt about changing things.

But.

Even though I made some progress, I still really struggled with the sinister nagging voice that was always there. And particularly loud on a bad day.

And so a few months ago, I decided to really do my best to put an end to the negative natter and gag it once and for all. I decided to change my chatter.

And I decided I would do it by speaking to myself, as I would to a best friend.

There are of course times when I fail pretty miserably. Yesterday was one of them. The days when I’m exhausted or sleep deprived really take some effort.

But in the main, now, whenever I catch myself thinking negatively or speaking to myself in harsh terms, I do my best to flip the switch and change the voice.

I wrestle out the critic and I welcome in my best friend.

And this is what I’ve learned.

When you talk to yourself as you would to a best friend, things start to change. Like really change. Your internal words become instinctively kinder. Your tone soft and encouraging.

You acknowledge your mistakes but no longer dwell on them. Your stress levels lessen and – (this is the big one) – you start to treat yourself better.

You go to bed earlier. You rest more. You eat healthier food. You dress nicer. You take chances. You laugh at your mishaps.

Perhaps you already talk to yourself as you would to a best friend. Perhaps you’ve always done this and can’t quite believe that I’m late to the party and only just catching up? (If that’s you, neither can I.)

But. If you don’t and if you haven’t, well, why not give it a try and see what happens for you?

Silence that critical inner voice, speak kindly to yourself just like you would to a pal and cut yourself some slack.

It’s what we all try to do for our best mates. So why on earth, I ask you, don’t we do it for ourselves?

———-

With love

Kate

Lips

 

 

 

BritMums

Lovely readers – if I’ve ever made you think, warmed your cockles or made you feel inspired or entertained, I would absolutely love it if you would be kind enough to nominate me for a Brilliance in Blogging Award.  Just click on the badge above or read this post for more info. Thank you! x

 

 

This post is linked to #BrilliantBlogPosts#SundayStars and #AllAboutYou

Get ALL posts in your inbox...

No spam guarantee. Promise.

22 Discussions on
“Chatting with my new best friend – Me”
  • Another wonderful post, Katie. That negative internal narrative can really get us down, can’t it? It can often be louder than external positive voices too. I think of it as self-coaching – what would you tell yourself if you were giving yourself advice? It takes practice, self-awareness – and an understanding that it’s not easy – but it’s worth doing. xxx

  • I am my own worst critic, I call myself stupid far more than any other word and it’s not good. I don’t feel like I should be nice to myself when I see how stupid I can be and yet that’s just creating a vicious circle! Thank you for reminding me to be kinder to myself! And I suppose in turn it will lead to being kinder to others too :) x

  • Very good point Kate, I always encourage and say lovely things to my friends yet doubt myself and have negative thoughts about my ability and self worth. Yet my friends would speak to me the way I do them because they love me for me, as I do them. My friends are incredible people and if they love me, then I sure as hell should too. Xx

  • Beautiful post darling. In yoga we talk about always acting with Ahimsa in mind – non-violence – and this goes for our thoughts as well as our actions, to ourselves as much as to anyone else. We definitely all have those thoughts though, the self-doubt and insecurity still lurk and linger, but as long as we consciously softly put THAT voice back in its box, it will become a habit won’t it? Much love to you xxx

  • I hear you! I am the same and I try (on good days) to do the same. Sometimes it slips you by and a negative thought starts beating you up. Then you realise what’s happening and I go back to the wise words I’ve learnt through reading (probably) similar books to you and try and lift myself out of it. I’ve just written a post of the big five life lessons to pass on to your kids and it was such a good exercise to do. It made me think about all the things I’ve learned and reminded me to try and live more like that. You’ve got to lead by example haven’t you! X

  • You really are inspirational! I have only very recently been involved with Talking Therapies and have attended their CBT sessions to try and counter exactly what you’ve spelled out above. And do you know – although I found it helpful – I absolutely LOVE your method for dealing with the negative voices! We would never speak like that to our best friends – so why on earth do we accept it ourselves. Yet again lovely lady – I will take ALOT away with me from this fabulous post! Steph xxxx

  • Kate, I’m discovering your blog for the first time and it’s funny, one would think from this super blog and the beautiful images of you that your internal dialog would be booming with confidence and self belief but your post just shows at the end of the day, we’re all human and need better belief in ourselves. x

  • I need to do more of this or at least learn how to do it well. Sometimes it’s so hard not to doubt myself. Ive never thought of thinking of it like a best friend, such a great idea. I really enjoyed reading this it made me think ‘yes, I could do this!’.

  • such a great post kate I am the worst for self doubt and you could say being unkind to myself they way you’ve put it makes total sense I will remember your words next time I’m feeling like that! thanks for linking up to sunday stars x

  • YES! This is SUCH a wonderful post!! We are so hard on ourselves aren’t we? Women much more than men, I think. I totally agree that we would never speak to our best friends, as we sometimes speak to — or about — ourselves. We’re always so much kinder — and supportive — to other people. It’s definitely time to start being a little kinder to ourselves! #SundayStars

    Caro | http://www.thetwinklediaries.co.uk

  • As usual hitting the nail on the head Katie. I haven’t tried it (yet) but I imagine it’s very hard to start. I think you’re so right and I’m going to try and treat myself better. xx

  • Another fabulous post Katie – love this. And you’re right that we can spout positivity and encouragement to everyone around us while still being our own worst critic. I read somewhere that we should speak to ourselves as we would a small child, be patient, kind and forgiving. How often do we actually do this though? Today, thanks to you, I’m going to cut myself some slack. Thanks lovely lady xx

  • So I read this and thought ‘right I must try this’ I am usually quite kind to myself but sometimes can have a negative body image that if it was a friend I would find something nice, uplifting and positive to say, and I must say it totally works! Love this Katie xxx

  • have you read Amy Poehler’s book “Yes Please!” ? She goes into great detail about how we should talk to ourselves and she says every time she catches herself saying some thing mean “wow your nose looks big today”, etc. She’ll talk back to the mean voice and stick up for herself! “Hey you! Leave Amy alone she’s my friend!”

    I haven’t finished yet but it’s awesome and I love what you’ve said here – it’s so important to stick up for yourself when the other voices are being mean :)
    xxx

  • This has totally got me thinking. I honestly don’t know if I’m horrible to myself or not. How un-self-aware is that?! I think I generally think quite highly of myself, perhaps sometimes bordering on arrogance. That feels awful to ‘put to paper’, but my mum frequently tells me that I have arrogant tendencies. Sometimes I (kindly) tell myself that this arrogance is actually just confidence. Perhaps I am merely confident, and perhaps a confident woman isn’t as well received as a modest one. I don’t know. Either way, you’ve really got me thinking about how I chatter to myself. I’m going to totally start to take notice of this, starting from tomorrow. What a fabulous post – so original, Katie. Thank you x

    #AllAboutYou

  • Brilliant post! And so damn right! I never give myself kind words but to my nearest and dearest I do. I shall from now on, try and see/talk to me through the eyes of my friends :-)

  • Awesome post and I’ve found it at just the right time for me. I was speaking to someone recently, over a coffee, as you do and she asked me if I liked myself and if I was kind to myself and, to my surprise, I ended up crying and realised that actually, I wouldn’t even talk to someone who isn’t a friend the way I speak to myself. She asked me if I don’t like myself, how can I possibly expect other people to like me (although they do!). And she’s right. We definitely need to be kinder to ourselves.

    • Ah I can so relate to this Rachel. It’s taken me a VERY long time to realise that how we speak to ourselves, determines so much about how we treat ourselves and how we let others treat us. It’s a tough one. When you’ve spent most of your life saying unkind things to yourself, it’s a hard habit to break. But it is just that, a stupid habit that needs to change. Best of luck with being kinder to yourself. x

By continuing to use the site, you agree to the use of cookies. more information

The cookie settings on this website are set to "allow cookies" to give you the best browsing experience possible. If you continue to use this website without changing your cookie settings or you click "Accept" below then you are consenting to this.

Close