Are you a giver or a taker?…
WHEN it comes to the human race, sometimes I think you can split us all up into two camps. Those that give and those that take.
This issue of people giving or indeed, not giving to each other, has been niggling at me and playing on my mind for a couple of months now. Perhaps it’s my pregnancy hormones, but recently I’ve found myself becoming more and more astounded at how truly selfish some people are.
Before I harp on, make no mistake, I’m not saying I’m perfect. At all. I’m far from it!
There have been plenty of times when, in hindsight, I could or perhaps should have done more to help someone I loved. But, on the whole, I like to think (and hope) that I do my best to be a good friend, loving daughter, caring wife, sister etc. I really do.
And I’m also not talking about those amongst us who occasionally forget about their nearest and dearest because life has taken over or they’ve just got too much going on. We’re human and this happens. It’s impossible to be there for everyone all of the time. I know that. And it’s even easier to screw up. I know that too.
But what I AM talking about and getting incredibly fed up with of late, is those people among us who consistently don’t bother making an effort with anyone, because they’re always far too wrapped up in their own lives.
The ones who time and time again, forget our birthdays or special occasions, only ever get in touch when they want something or just never express any interest whatsoever in our lives.
These are the people I’m beginning to refer to as ‘the takers’.
I don’t think I’m alone when I say that I know a few of these people. And although it saddens me to think of some people in that way, I’m beginning to realise that sometimes you just have to face what you might not want to accept:
If it’s not to do with them, some people, many people, just don’t give a s**t.
Every relationship is a two-way thing so effort, love and support has to be demonstrated by both parties for it to work. If it’s only ever one person putting in the effort, no relationship – no matter how much fun it may seem to be – can last, for the balance is all wrong.
So, how do you spot if you have a taker in your midst? Well here are a few tell-tale signs I’ve figured out over the years:
1) Takers only ever want to talk about themselves.
If you have a friend or loved one who constantly shifts the conversation to themselves and never asks you questions about your life, take heed! It’s a big giveaway.
2) Takers only make effort when they want something or when they’re lonely.
I’ve known plenty of women who as soon as they get a new man dump their friends only to come grovelling back when they’re single again. These are takers. So are the people who only ever get in touch when they need your support, experience, skills, love, money or friendship.
3) Takers treat you poorly but say they love you.
This is a classic. I love words, can’t get enough of ’em. But when it comes to people, always judge them by their actions not by what they tell you. It’s very easy for anyone to say I love you or tell you that you’re their best friend. Very easy. But if their actions rarely match up with what they say, they’re takers.
4) Takers don’t do long relationships, with anyone.
We should always give people the benefit of the doubt, but if you meet someone and they have very few long standing friends or are constantly falling out with relatives or in and out of relationships with men, that’s a big red flag right there.
5) Takers always play the victim.
You’ll often find that the people who give the least are the very ones who expect the most from others. Twisted I know. They are what I call ‘life’s victims.’ They never do anything wrong, never take responsibility for their actions and spend all their time complaining, bitching and whinging about others. They’re also incredibly jealous about other people’s happiness and success.
So have these insights began to ring some bells? Well, if like me, you know a few takers, here’s my advice to you:
Don’t let their behaviour grind you down and if it carries on, walk away. Takers are like leeches, they suck the life force out of people, making us feel sad, disappointed, rejected and hurt.
So spend as little time with them as possible and instead, surround yourself with happier, more positive and loving people. Otherwise known as the givers.
These are the friends and loved ones who are always there for you (as much as they can be), are happy when you’re happy and play an active and supportive role in your life. The world is inhabited by millions of amazing people. So if someone isn’t treating you right, just cut ’em loose and say goodbye.
And if you’ve just realised that you yourself are a taker, well, you know, it’s never too late to change.
If you want to end up sad and lonely, just carry on treating people the way you do. Don’t quite fancy it? Well start putting in some effort. You’ll be amazed at how much better life and your relationships will be.
Till the next time,
Katie
x
What do you think? Is the world full of takers? Which camp are you in? I’d love to know your thoughts on this, so if you’ve something to add, please do leave a comment below :-)
Well said, Kate! I’ve known – and still know – a few takers who fulfil the first two tell-tale signs! Particularly the first tell-tale sign – I’ve been amazed at how some people can just talk, talk, talk about themselves and not ask you one single thing about yourself throughout the whole conversation.
xx
It’s amazing isn’t it!
When I was younger I just didn’t realise, but now I when
meet people for the first time, I really pay attention to
these tell-tale signs! ;-)
Too many takers around for my liking but still, at least
we’ve both got lovely people in our lives too…thankfully!
x x
Oh dear! That’s quite a rant. Good luck avoiding the takers. A lovely lass like you should be surrounded by people as kind and generous as you are x
Haha! Oops, wasn’t meant so much as rant but an
observation!
Thanks Catherine. Don’t worry, I have plenty of lovely people
in my life, I just get astonished at the behaviour
of some people!
x
Yay for having the guts to say that! I think we all have a few (or more than a few!) takers in our lives, and it’s something I’m coming to realise more and more.
I used to quite happily be a door mat friend and would do anything for anyone. But now, something inside seems to have gone “PING!” and I’m starting to cut out those people who get me down.
I hope no one in particular has caused you to write this. If they have, then GRR. They have me to deal with! ;) x
It’s something that’s been driving me bonkers
for ages!
I just can’t stand selfishness in people and I used
to be exactly like that too Sam, accepting folk’s
shoddy behaviour because they’re ‘friends’.
I think as you get older you realise life is too short.
But fear not, all is well, it’s just good to stand back
sometimes and think, I’m not being treated like that
anymore ;-) x
Couple years late but thanks for the subject :) Made me see things clearly:
A couple add ons from my own experience:
Takers love internet chat rooms where they can indulge the taker fantasy without little regard because they see people online as non entities. (Not real)
To discern a taker you have to be unemotional and more analytical seeing them for what they are.
A taker can literally ruin your life and walk away with a clear conscience. Be warned!
Takers ALWAYS have backup guy or girl. In most cases more than one.
A clear indicator of a taker is that they literally hate being alone. One I know always has to have someone in the bed or they can’t sleep.
Takers always have a drama going on, someone dies, someones breaking up, someone has cancer etc.
(Note to reader. With suspected takers make a mental note of the crisis in general you’ll find it’s the same crisis being repeated in my case they were repeating the same crisis every 6 months when they thought I’d forgotten about it until I started making notes)
Takers are spectacularly good liars. Even in the face of total proof that they’ve been caught out it’s still YOUR fault.
Takers will never initiate unless they want something and if it’s not the correct response to their mind they’ll move onto someone else until they get the right response.
If you tell a taker to f## followed by off….. it usually won’t work because it fits into the drama type personality. If you want a taker gone just don’t be there for them, they have others and you won’t be missed. No drama’s, no huge fights, just one day… don’t respond and move on.
Calling someone a taker to their face generally doesn’t work and leads to all types of problems. They usually work the friends group saying “He called me a taker” and manipulate the situation, more drama, bringing them into the center of attention.
Trust me being suddenly unavailable is generally more painful for you then it is for them.
And the most important thing:
As mentioned above in the article.
Actions speak volumes. A good way to spot a taker is that . If they say I’ll do this and they never do. (Note: Make a list of things they say they will do and then don’t do… a taker is clearly indicated by almost 100% never doing what they say they will do for you)
Takers are master manipulators and they know the right words to use. So all the nice words they use is more about them than you.
Takers usually have a misdirected strong sense of entitlement and can be quite ruthless if they don’t get their way.
Be detached emotionally and quite diagnostic and protect yourself when dealing with takers.
No-one needs a taker in their life as noted in the original article they can be very draining.
Life is too short..